<p>Hey guys..</p>
<p>First and foremost, I am not looking for any sense of pity or remorse, I simply want to give my story and I'm seeking advice on my situation. I've been having some really bad issues lately with my mental health, I come from a family with a history of psychiatric illnesses (notably schizophrenia, anxiety, major depression, etc), on both sides and naturally, it passed down to me. I have a very intense case of manic-depression (bi-polar disorder), and it's been progressing into something much worse lately, and it's gotten to the point to where I constantly have suicidal thoughts, clouded thinking, disrupted short-term and working memory, ADHD, and insomnia every single night. It gets in the way of my schooling, has gotten me to lose my last 3 jobs, and is steadily ruining the relationships I have with my friends and family. It's caused me to make impulsive, illogical decisions which have landed me deeper in the hole.</p>
<p>I've been unemployed since last May, but somehow I've managed to survive purely on my savings and the pell grant I got for the 2011-2012 year. I can't hold down a job for more than 3-4 months at a time, because I always end up having a nervous breakdown at work or somehow lose my mind mentally, sometimes for no specific reason at all. I've been on a waiting list to see a doctor for the past 7 months, I have no insurance and no finances to see a psychiatrist and get on any treatment.</p>
<p>Anyway, on to school. My first semester went over somewhat well, aside from an incident with a professor I had (he gave me a 0 on a final because I had a minor disagreement with him and he took it to a completely erratic level, more than likely because I made him look like an unprofessional ass in front of all the other students, I had an A+ average in the class until the very last week of school), therefore my total GPA was dropped by almost an entire point, from a 4.0 to a 3.08 (granted, I know it's the first semester and I'll pull it up if I get my head together). I took the issue to his supervisor and the dean of the tech department, but all I was told is that "we generally just take the teachers side on these matters", so it was absolutely no help trying to get the issue resolved through them. What makes me even more upset is that it was an irrelevant pc tech course that was 4 credits and served me absolutely no purpose in taking it. I tried speaking with the dean of the school but they obviously aren't interested in getting involved with personal student matters such as my own..so I'm clueless on how to resolve that issue.</p>
<p>Now for this semester, my condition has gotten worse and I'm having a hard time focusing in any of my classes..I'm failing biology and getting behind in all my other classes as well. My mind wanders all over the place while I'm in class and I have an extremely hard time focusing on anything for more than 5-10 seconds at a time. I'm only at a community college, and I feel absolutely pathetic that I can't stay on top of my core classes, how in God's name am I supposed to transfer to UT in Austin, Texas and be successful if I can't even get my own problems resolved? I feel like a complete waste of life incapable of the most simple tasks. I've lost all my motivation and will to finish school because I'm already doing so badly. I just want to get through this and obtain a degree, but I don't even see how it's possible at this point. I used to be a talented, creative, motivated, aspiring individual as I was growing up but now I feel worthless, helpless, clueless, and stupid. Should I drop my bio class and just focus on my other courses? I'm in school purely on financial aid, and if I fail more than one course I have to pay it back (and I'm absolutely in no position to do that).</p>
<p>I'll finish the rest of my post in a little while, I have class in a few minutes. Any help on this matter is greatly appreciated though. Thank you.</p>