<p>Our DS, college-bound to SC in a week, has had a rising HS junior girlfriend for the past 6 months. She is a lovely person and we've enjoyed getting to know her and her family during that time. This has been a good, healthy, "first" relationship for both of them.</p>
<p>They've made no promises to each other nor laid any expectations on each other. In two years, she expects to apply to a couple of colleges in upstate NY .</p>
<p>I know that most of these high school relationships don't continue - due to distance, experiential differences over time, diminishing of ardor, etc.</p>
<p>As they sing in ""Sunrise, Sunset" (from Fiddler on the Roof): "What words of wisdom can I give him? How can I help to ease his way?"</p>
<p>I'd appreciate any insights or stories from those of you who have had sons/daughters in similar situations. What usually happens? What has been your role as a mentor or sounding board?</p>
<p>Be nice and honest and don't say anything you might regret later. Be prepared to have some regrets even if you are the initiator. The grass is not always that much greener.</p>
<p>I had a friend in college (and summer jobs) who inisisted, just insisted, that this wonderful guy who kept calling and visiting was "just a friend". He insisted the same. They had dated in high school and were at separate colleges. All of us could see they were just meant for each other. They kept denying, and I believe dated others a little. Right after graduation they got engaged and then married. And have lived happily ever after (that was 1977).</p>
<p>Don't anticipate the future. Take things as they come. Your S's girlfriend may be his lifelong love. Someone whom I went to college with had followed her h.s. boyfriend there. He was a junior. She was a freshman. They've now been married more than 30 years.</p>
<p>Bethel - let nature run it's course - be there for support - but let your S and his g/f take the relationship where ever they chose to - this is their choice to make - not you as the parent. From your post it actually sounds as tho they have a pretty good grip on things.</p>
<p>This couple probably realizes that odds of staying together are slim since they made no promises and appear to be headed to distant schools. You should certainly inquire if he misses her once he gets to college - if for no other reason than to let him know you care about her and respect their relationship. Be sympathetic and supportive no matter what the answer. But unless he specifically asks, your S may not need any words of wisdom - or advice. Afterall, teens always know best, right?</p>
<p>Nature will run its course, but you cannot predict that course.</p>
<p>Many years ago, I went off to college with no commitment and no promises to my boyfriend from home, who was at a different school several hours away. Within a few months, we both realized that we wanted a commitment. We ended up getting married four years later.</p>
<p>All good things. Most likely, they will break up; most couples do after the first four months at school.</p>
<p>That said, there are good ways and bad ways to break up with someone. If it's been a good "first relationship" (and nothing says that you have to marry the first decent person who comes along!), then he should also want to end it on a good note. </p>
<p>If you trust his judgment, then tell him that. Tell him that you'll support whatever he does, but understand that they'll most likely grow apart. She'll be busy; he'll be making new friends and adjusting. The best thing to do is to break it off before school, stay in touch (as needed/as time allows) and then consider getting back together after freshman year. By that time, it is OBVIOUS whether they are meant to be together or not. A lot of people, though, drag on the relationship for months or years... and if they would just separate for a few months, they would see how ridiculous it is.</p>
<p>Very good points!
My daughter has been going through the same thing with her B/F of 2-years and I think they both are dealing with this new transition well.
They have seperated but still remain friends and hopefully will be able to keep it that way. </p>
<p>She has a pretty good head on her shoulders but my advice was that when she gets to college she will meet so many different types of people, guys included! And just to keep an open mind and welcome change. If it was meant to be, then so be it, but both of them will benefit from spending some time away from one another.
Good luck to you and your son!</p>