Need Advice Talking to Parents about College (Advice from other Parents?)

<p>So just some background, both of my parents are Harvard grads, and thats where they met. Harvard and the other top Ivies are unfortunatley out of the picture due to my sorta-low GPA. My parents are very concerned with prestige, and it takes precedent over things such as social aspects, surronding area, etc. I'm also worried about prestige of course, but not nearly as much.</p>

<p>So the dilemna is that they believe that I should be looking at mainly the top liberal arts colleges (Middlebury, Bowdoin, Carleton, Colgate, Hamilton, etc.) They believe that these are likely the best schools that I can get into. They have basically ruled out all the west coast schools (most people from my school go there), and my dad in particularly has been harsh against Southern and Midwest universities. I really am heavily considering schools like Vanderbilt, Notre Dame, Emory to name a few, and am highley considering going ED to one of them. However, I have no idea how to bring this up with my parents. Besides their complete belief that I will be much better off at a top LAC, their views of certain schools are very old school (eg what the schools were like when they applied.)</p>

<p>I have no idea how clear i made this, so if you need any clearing up just ask. I just need some advice, maybe from CC parents, on how to bring up the convo.</p>

<p>any advice would be appreciated as my dad is already planning out our visits/interview places this summer and I want to make sure some of the schools I'm intersted in (and there not) get included.</p>

<p>Well top LACs can be harder to get into then comparably ranked universities due to their fame and ridiculously small size.</p>

<p>Harvard's legacy admit rate is 35% (down from 40% two years ago) and since both parents went there I would say getting into Harvard wouldn't be much more difficult then getting into some top LACs. (both fairly low though if your grades are as bad as you say they are)</p>

<p>What is your GPA going to be exactly? If it's over 3.5, then I would work hard on my application and apply early to Harvard. This should make your parents happy? After sending out your application or before you can sit them down and sell them on vandy/emory by showing them their high rankings and other things...</p>

<p>Oh how about Tufts?
1) It's a university but its size is actually closer to some LACs (4,900 undergrads).
2) It's in the northeast
3) It has decent recognition/prestige</p>

<p>My uncle-in-law and aunt both graduated from Tufts, so I'll be visiting there as well.</p>

<p>If you really just want to go to Vanderbilt/Emory/Notre Dame then you just have to tell your parents that you like these schools. Ultimtately the decision will be theres (sad I know but that's how our culture is) if they're the ones paying your tuition.</p>

<p>Why do you like those three schools though? I get the impression that you're interested in them mainly because you don't think you'll get into any schools that are "more prestigious" (though I might be wrong). That's a valid reason, but I'm curious.</p>

<p>those were just 3 off the top of my head, but in the case of Vandy and ND I really like the strong sense of school spirit and people wanting to go to that school. Emory has a strong department in Poly Sci which is what I want to study. And pretty much I see them as good fits-slight reach.</p>

<p>Your parents will understand and agree when you tell them that in order to do well in school you need to feel happy there. Many kids do not fit well into these small schools and they don't do well there.</p>

<p>You may also want to show them the statistics and admit rates for the top LACs they're considering (as well as for Tufts and some other top schools). They may not realize how hard it is to get into them. </p>

<p>Then take a look at the stats for the schools you want - you can discuss them with your parents as match/safety schools. Get some ideas from the "Love your safety" and "need for safeties" threads on these boards.</p>

<p>Don't apply early to Harvard just to "make your parents happy". That's the worst advice I've heard in a really long time. IF you apply anywhere early, do it because you want to go there, and because it's a school where applying early will really realistically up your chances of getting in. </p>

<p>What are your stats? Schools like Tufts and the like are also highly competitive -- even more so than some of those LACs your parents want you to apply to. Make sure you have some safeties you're happy with.</p>

<p>And remind your parents that Harvard isn't the end-all be-all. ;)</p>

<p>^Well I'm sure he'd be happy at Harvard- who wouldn't? lol</p>

<p>Seriously though harvard legacy admit rates are 35% so if he has a halfway decent GPA and good ECs/essay he has somewhat of a shot early. I've personally known an double legacy admit get into Harvard early with a couple Cs on his transcript.</p>

<p>...TELL US YOUR STATS SO WE KNOW!</p>

<p>He cannot apply to Harvard early. No one can. Harvard has eliminated early action for the class of 2012.</p>

<p>can't tell whether you really want to go to Harvard but just think you can't, or whether you really have a desire to go someplace else. If it's the latter, I think this is a time to demonstrate something more than academic development, i.e., show some maturity, independence, and the willingness to defend your own point of view. Some above have suggested this may be a dangerous thing to do ("ultimately the decision will be theirs??""), and maybe it is, but that's part of standing up for yourself! Do you think it is possible that your parents would actually cut you off completely if you don't go exactly where they want you to? I'm sure not a psychologist, just a parent, but from what you've said I think the real issue is you've got to take some steps to become your own person.</p>

<p>If you print out some current statistics on your favorite schools, it may help. (Yes, I mean the USNR rankings). They may have no idea how much prestige these places currently have. Have you thought about Boston College? Carnegie Mellon? U Rochester? How about a compromise- apply to Harvard and a couple of other Ivies, a couple of your favorites, a couple of their favorite LACs, and a safety.</p>

<p>"Well I'm sure he'd be happy at Harvard- who wouldn't? lol"</p>

<p>The ivies don't float everybody's boat. </p>

<p>For the poster, how bout this? Visit the schools you want and dad wants, compare the fit. If your choices are still the best in your gut, go with it, even if it means going on your own dime. Be willing to go it alone. </p>

<p>Most dads long for the day their children actually become their own people. It's a bittersweet day when your son goes from having to do what you say to considering your point and then doing what they want. On one hand your a little bugged, on the other your proud. I raise children, but I expect them to grow into adults at some point willing to take their chances. </p>

<p>Time to try on the big person pants.</p>

<p>I notice that these are all schools in the Northeast. And Harvard grads from those years as your parents shared the snobbery (scuse me, but that's what it is) that ALL Ivies were better than ALL LAC's. So they think it'll be easier for you to get in there? They're out of date with the percentages of admissions these days at LAC's. It's competitive. As someone said, fewer spots..and everybody trying to get in to these places, too, with solid GPA's.
The most important thing is for you to identify what will be "rightness of fit"
for you. Your parents have jumped ahead of you and made a school list but you don't have the work-up of criteria that will make you feel right-and-happy there, feeling like you want to wake up and engage each day. Remind them that YOU have to be the one to get yourself out of bed each morning so motivation is very important. You want to be at a school that YOU love, just as much as they loved Harvard.
You should be starting your list based on, "do I want big or small? rural, suburban or urban? and where do my stats put me, so I can identify some reaches, matches and safeties?" From that you get a list, not from a same-type list of schools that your parents think are "easier" to get into than Harvard.
You have to want to go there!
The school spirit thing, pride, the larger university...they should be able to relate to that especially BECAUSE they had that for themselves at Harvard. So why shouldn't you try for some universities, too?
And, here's the clincher: the JOBS are going South. If you have connections, internships, professor recommendations, and simple "name recognition" of intervieiwng employers from around Atlanta or the industrial growth areas of the Southeast...you have a brighter future ahead.
BTW, this will only move a Harvard boomer type couple if they believe you can get the scholarly love-of-learning there, too. So look up some of the faculty in the departmetns teaching at those schools you want to go to. See where they went to college, as the departments often list their degrees after their names. Look up clubs for various subject areas, theme houses or language dorms, everything enriching for LEARNING. Your folks probably want to see you get that love-of-learning, and you should.
You'll find plenty of Harvard/Yale/etc. trained faculty teaching at those universities.
THAT SAID, maybe they know you and believe (espec with the poor GPA you refer to, which everyone here wonders about since your parents have set the bar high perhaps)...that you will do better in a smaller school where the profs know you and you won't fall through the cracks. WHere you're taught directly by profs not grad students; and the class sizes are small. Where "everybody knows your name." So that might be motivating your parents to think of "their" list as making sense for you, and there might be some wisdom in that to include in "your" list. Small is beautiful, sometimes.
Well, then, how about finding some smaller LAC's that have the energy or spirit you crave? If they play in Division III sports, people on campus get excited for the team even so, and if all you want is to enjoy yelling and cheering, then believe me there are loyal fans of Div-III teams at the smaller LAC's, too.
Also, you sound like you favor places that are near some bigger cities. So that's where places like American U (in Washington, D.C.) could be interesting so you can enjoy life in a more dynamic city. If that was part of your Emory attraction, then look for places connected to cities you'd enjoy.
I've met your parents many times over and I do sympathize. Their info is dated and it's time for YOU to tell them you'll meet them in a few days with a presentation of data, to enlarge everybody's vision, before they make the visiting motel reservations!
Best of luck. Take heart and stand up for YOUR dreams now!</p>

<p>AND...you do NOT have to fight over any of this. Tell them you want to make a shared, mutual goal: to explore and get you accepted into the best possible school the fits your needs and inspires you to learn, just as they were inspired then.
How can "WE" come up with that list? It's not you vs. your parents; it's all 3 of you trying to work as a family to make the next year a productive search that will net a big, fat, juicy ACCEPT from a range of colleges, all of which you'd want to attend and they'd wish to support. Never apply anyplace you don't want to attend or your parents won't support. Reading on CC tells that story, again and again.</p>

<p>as some people requested here are my stats. not all that great.</p>

<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=342161%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=342161&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>