<p>I'm a 19 year old male who has depression (moderate). I was always socially awkward due to the fact that I was kept at home and not permitted to go out and play as a child by my mother. I was home-schooled during high school and never really had a social circle of friends for that reason. I have a few acquaintances but no real friends. As a result, I have developed severe social anxiety. I have never had a social life.</p>
<p>I currently live in a small/medium sized suburb and pretty much know no one outside my family in my area. I can't even work in an office/public location because I have a disabled brother I have to take care of. He gets home from school at 2 pm. I have been taking care of him since I was 9 years old. I, therefore, work from home.</p>
<p>I am also taking a leave of absence from college (to which I commute) since I hate going there. I just go to class and go home. I can't even join clubs due to my family obligations. I can make friends in class but can never hang out with them because I take care of my brother. That's not to say I don't do well: 3.8 gpa on a pre-med track. I just feel like I'm wasting my time.</p>
<p>There are a lot of problems in my home that hurt both my brother and I: parents hate each other, they fight daily, not much money (therefore have to work), brother, who is autistic, is in a negative environment all the time, etc.
My parents are not able to take care of my brother. He becomes violent with them, and my mom already has mild depression.</p>
<p>If you guys/girls were in my situation, what would you do? Should I advise my parents to send my brother to a group home? At that point, I can transfer to a college at which I can dorm?</p>
<p>I'm already seeing a psychiatrist/getting therapy but it doesn't seem to be helping much. I feel like my environment is just **** everything up.</p>
<p>If you were in my shoes, what would you do?</p>
<p>Thank You!</p>
<p>P.S. I'm not really a parent, but I was told that the p.f. is the best place to post this. </p>
<p>Kamikaze, big collective hug from CC parents. You have certainly shouldered a lot of responsibility in your life and my hat’s off to you.</p>
<p>First- you are not responsible for coming up with a solution to your brother’s issues. You need to find a “responsible grown-up” who can start to act like a grown up here. Is there a social worker who has worked with your family in the past? Who provided your therapy referral? What type of school is your brother in- and to your knowledge, does anyone there realize that your brother is being taken care of by a sibling when he’s not in school, and does anyone there realize that the dynamic with your parents and your brother is so problematic/???</p>
<p>Did you speak with anyone in the counseling center at your college before you decided to take a leave of absence??? forgive me for all the leading questions, but since I’m assuming that your brother is a minor, your family seems to have fallen through the social services cracks (I don’t think the people who run your brother’s school or who have helped coordinate his care thought that his sibling would be taking care of him, in lieu of getting an education.)</p>
<p>So start there. Find a grownup “in charge”-- Caseworker for your brother, or a social worker who has worked with your family, etc. That’s the starting point.</p>
<p>And don’t give up on your own therapy. Even if it’s not helping- you’re getting an outsider’s perspective, and this doctor could be a potential ally for you down the road so stick with it. Since you didn’t go to HS you don’t have a guidance counselor or a bunch of teachers to go to bat for you, so try to keep your therapy appointments.</p>
<p>Kamikaze: You should give yourself a big pat on the back for all that you have managed to accomplish. A 3.8 in a pre-med track with all that you have going on is no small feat. </p>
<p>It seems like school is the one outlet that I would try to hold on to. It provides time away from all the other responsibilities that are overwhelming you and is a path for you to be self-sufficient. College is one of the few things that you are doing for yourself. Is there a therapist that you can consult at your school?</p>
<p>I’m puzzled as to how your parents had the time to home-school you for years but cannot find time to look after your brother. And why they didn’t let you go out to play.</p>
<p>I agree you should get some kind of social worker involved in this. He’s not your responsibility. He is your parents’ responsibility and if they cannot look after him properly, you need to get some social services involved. I know this may seem a bit harsh but if you look at the big picture, I think taking care of yourself and pursuing your education is the best thing you can do, both for yourself and for your brother. If you don’t get a good education and are stuck caring for him, you will never get a good job. Feeling that you have had to sacrifice everything you wanted to do to care for him, and struggling financially is enough to make anyone depressed. Then, what will happen as you all age? At some point your parents will no longer be around. You may not be legally responsible for your brother, but you may wish to help him should he not be able to work and that will be a lot easier if you have a good income.</p>
<p>If your meds from the pdoc and therapy aren’t working, you need to demand some changes (assuming you give each treatment strategy enough time to work, generally 4-6 wks). You can,t do anything for anybody else, including your brother, if you’re not taking care of yourself.</p>
<p>If your family hasn’t had anyone from social services involved before, please contact your brother’s school and get in touch with the school social worker. </p>
<p>Do you have access to a state or regional network of parents of kids with autism? A lot have online communities, and know what resources are available in the area. Contact the local public school’s social worker and ask for a name of a ASD parents supports group. Or, ask your pdoc for help. Perhaps your family can start getting respite services, along with transition planning for your brother (his issues will not disappear, and there needs to be long-term planning). Ask about “wrap around” services. Some states place ASD services/supports in a department of mental health, others in a department for DD. Sometimes a supportive group home or residential treatment center is very helpful to the child with ASD as well as giving the family support and time to heal. You’re a smart cookie. Talk with or email some people who are in jobs designed to help you, as well as with participants in an online parents support group who would also want to help. I bet that by gathering information this way, your social anxiety will not be triggered. Also, make sure to book an appointment with your academic adivisor and your fin aid counselor before walking away from your education. Plan now to return. </p>
<p>The OP is a re-run question. I don’t remember where else it was posted and I think it was under a different user name. I am wondering why the question is being re-posted. The answers don’t really change.</p>
<p>Good luck - it’s a difficult situation and one that isn’t your responsibility to shoulder.</p>
<p>Hmm, found the other thread in college life.</p>
<p>Also, Kamikaze graduated high school in 2010 (per his other threads), and is only 19 now, 4 years later? </p>
<p>@blossom: I have recently begun setting up my brother for respite and after school services. He currently goes to a school for indiv. with developmental disabilities. Have spoken to a social worker and the process is under way.
I didn’t tell anyone I was taking a leave of absence. Not even my parents. I just tell them all my classes are online and I don’t need to go. They’re always busy with work.
Thank you for your reply.</p>
<p>@HarvestMoon: Thanks for your input. I’m not seeing a therapist. I have no health insurance and am not enrolled in University, so I can’t see the one provided at the school. Gonna have to ride this one out until I decide to go back (most likely fall of 2014).</p>
<p>@mathyone: You make some great points. These have been running through mind, as well. Thanks! Since it’s getting more expensive to survive (financially), my parents have had to work more. Can’t blame them. My mom used to work part-time when I was homeschooled. She would teach me, and then go out to work. She does have a teaching degree (masters, I think). At that point, I would have to take care of my brother.</p>
<p>@ordinarylives: Appreciate your contribution. As I mentioned, we have begun the process of getting services for my brother through a school social worker. I don’t take medication anymore. Doesn’t really help me, and, as I mentioned, can’t see a doc. anymore due to a lack of health insurance.</p>
<p>@dyiu13: We are in the process of getting services. Have spoken to service coordinators in the region and things are moving forward. Thank You!</p>
<p>@crazymomster: I originally posted this in the college life section. They guided me to the parents forum. I can see why, considering the great support. I was just trolling the forums back then. Read online that the high school members of CC are obsessed with stats and getting into Ivy League schools, and wanted to find out for myself. You can probably see how my posts dealt with the Ivy leagues and chance threads. Pretty pathetic of me, to be honest, but was just bored out my mind. Shows how f@ck$d up my life really is.
In reality, I enrolled in Uni. in 2012 at the age of 17. My 18th birthday was 3 months after enrollment. Right now, I’m 19 (and a half, I guess) lol. Thank You for your contribution.</p>
<p>You sound like a very responsible young person. The home school experience you had is not the typical one. Most home educators I know participate in a wide range of activities with people of all ages. They have a tendency to travel to worthwhile programs, so some friends are local but others are made further afield. I’m sorry your experience was not what you might have hoped for, but college doesn’t have to be a repeat of that situation. </p>
<p>I would make definite plans to return to college this fall. You need to complete your education and I think having access to counselors would be helpful as well. I think a lot depends on your academic situation, finances, and your access to transportation. If you’re enrolled in a 4-year college, I don’t know how difficult it would be to transfer if you’ve only completed a year and a half of the program. If your parents are paying for school, or you need their assistance to fill out financial aid forms and they won’t help you if you transfer, your options will be more limited. When you say you commute to school, are you using a family car or buses and other public transportation? Is there transportation available so you can get to an outside job? What do you think your parents reaction would be if you got one? Is being your brother’s caregiver a condition of remaining in the family home? I’m surprised your brother’s school is permitting you, and not a parent, to arrange his programming. Aren’t they interested to know where the parents are? Your brother is not your responsibility. It’s wonderful that you’ve started a process where he can get more help, but now you need to focus on your own goals and how you can meet them. </p>
<p>You haven’t told your family you took a leave? You should discuss this with them. No matter what is going on between the two of them, hopefully both of them will want to support you. Between their jobs and their personal difficulties, they may be wrapped up in their problems and not realize they have placed an unreasonable burden on you. I hope you can dorm at school and have a better experience in the future, but if that is not affordable, you should be able to work out an arrangement with your parents where you have minimal responsibilities for looking after your brother, and so should at least have time to spend more time on campus, participate in some activities and do things with the friends you’ve made.</p>
<p>Also if your parents have health insurance you probably should be covered. Are you sure you’re not?</p>