Need critique on UC Prompt #1 Essay

College Essays
1

<p>The UC Prompt #1 Topic: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>

<p>It's not completely done, but I would greatly appreciate some advice & constructive criticism :] I feel like I have a solid concept, but I just can't seem to effectively interpret the whole message, so please consider helping me.</p>

<p>This is directed towards those who are distinguished enough, I don't want to risk sending an essay to someone who might want to read it just to get an idea of how they should do their own :[ (meaning other high school students and 2009 grads)</p>

<p>Thank you, and please respond here and/or pm me if you'd like to help</p>

<p>Btw, if you aren't already aware, my essay is around 500 words-ish atm</p>

2

<p>Okays, send it over. I'll critique it straight to the punctuation point!</p>

3

<p>I can help! I'll be very honest. Send it over.</p>

4

<p>can i read it? i graduated 08 so i cant use it, check prev posts if u want</p>

5

<p>i 'll read :)</p>

6

<p>Feel free to send it. But, you have 1.5 days left. That's it.</p>

7

<p>send me! im writing UC one too!</p>

8

<p>send it over!</p>

9

<p>pm it over</p>

10

<p>I'd love to help you out. PM it over.</p>

11

<p>I'd be more than happy to give you constructive feedback.</p>

12

<p>love to help! pm me</p>

13

<p>id love to help im not 09 so no worries</p>

14

<p>I can read it.
PM me!</p>

15

<p>hey i am class of 09 with you but you dont want to send it to 09ers and thats perfectly understandable, but i have a question for you maybe im just dumb and you could help me out:
where did you find the uc essays??</p>

16

<p>ill gladly check it out</p>