Need examples of SHOWing rather than TELLing about self

College Essays
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<p>The words of advice always given about writing the app essays are to SHOW rather than TELL about yourself. Whenever my son starts to write his draft, he seems to "get it", but the writing trails off into telling, and he gets frustrated. I thought I'd ask here if you could give me some examples of how to SHOW rather than TELL, and maybe that will help him with his writing.</p>

<p>Thanks in advance.</p>

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<p>Examples:
“When the Moslem kids stopped the car to get out and pray, I realized there was something very different in our world views,” not, "The trip enhanced my cultural awareness. </p>

<p>“I had thought we were so different — me in my shorts and t-shirt, they in their black pants and white shirts — but suddenly we were all screaming together for the runner to go to third base,” not, “I learned that people are the same all over the world.” </p>

<p>“I had always had trouble relying on others, preferring to work alone on projects. Climbing the cliffs at Ein Gedi with three other teammates totally changed my attitude,” not, “The trip taught me the importance of teamwork.”</p>

<p>Writing With Style
Be specific and concrete – not general and abstract. </p>

<p>To get your reader involved, use details to conjure up a vivid picture of what you experienced. </p>

<p>Express your ideas in the positive instead of telling what something was not. </p>

<p>Source
[How</a> to Write a Great College Application Personal Statement](<a href=“http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/personal.html]How”>http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/personal.html)</p>

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<p>To show characteristics, he can give examples or short anecdotes. That might help</p>

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<p>There has to be a little “tell” in there, but look at this example from my new book.</p>

<p>The opening paragraph drops the reader into a situation faced by the writer when he went to a new school where he thought everyone was a snob and they looked at him like a freak. Then look at the last paragraph, where, when a new student comes in, he wanted to make her feel at ease because now he had fit into the school. Both are “showing.” At the end, he doesn’t tell the reader that he’s empathetic. He shows it by example.</p>

<p>The “middle” - the story arc (getting from the first scene to the last) is made up of three transitional incidents: The first shows the writer’s preconceptions (not wanting to join the service club). The second showing that perhaps it was HIS problem that he wasn’t fitting in. And the third incident shows his acceptance of the school (joining the club).</p>

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