<p>So I have been thinking alot about what I want to write for my essay. I am planning on applying to UCs and some Privates (I am in CA). </p>
<p>I was thinking that I should write about my Heart Condition (hear murmur) that I had since I was born and dealt with for 11 years. I got a surgery when i was about 10, after that I discovered a love for swimming and how it gave me a chance to be a normal kid just like everyone else. When I had the heart problem I never got to do any sports or anything and its something that I yearned for growing up. </p>
<p>(obviously this isnt good enough yet, but this is the basic idea, I plan on being more profound about it)</p>
<p>I swam for about 5 years on local swim teams</p>
<p>and this coming school year I plan to apply for a job at the swim school which I learned to swim at. </p>
<p>DO YOU GUYS THINK THIS IS GOOD? I DONT WANT IT TO BE A PITY PAPER BUT I FEEL THIS IS THE ONE THING IN MY LIFE THAT HAS BEEN IMPACTED ME ALOT.</p>
<p>DO YOU THINK COLLEGES WILL LIKE IT? DOES IT STAND OUT?</p>
<p>ANY FEEDBACK THAT WILL HELP ME WOULD BE GREAT!</p>
<p>It won’t make you stand out. In my opinion, the topic of having some sort of health condition or problem and having it motivate you is pretty common; however, it’s not really what you write, but how you write it.</p>
<p>It has to be approached with care because if not excuted well it will be quite bad. If done well however it has serious potential because the line that the adcom would use to the board to describe your essay will be “takes every opportunity he has to the fullest.” Which is what colleges want rather than dome kid how did 1,000 hours of EC’s he/she hated to look good the they will drop as soon as they arrive in the fall.</p>
<p>yeah I want it write it in a way that will keep people interested the moment the read the first line. I want to show people what happened and not just tell them. Im going to add some dialouge in it and also make it short and sweet (not too short, but just the right amount)</p>
<p>Do you think this can really help me in getting into college?</p>
<p>My grades are pretty average but I work hard, I have a good amount of volunterring hours from various places and I have swimming. </p>
<p>Im also re-taking my SATs in october and SAT 2s in November.</p>
<p>it has been done a million times, it doesnt stand out and no one likes reading this predictable piece of essay.</p>
<p>“i have problem a, this prevents me from doing b and c, but i have struggled and my surgery now allows me to do b and c. with large determination i have managed to do overcome my hardships and do b and c. i have changed as a person and now think that i can accomplish anything, even getting a 4.0 from Harvard and get in there, oh yea!!!”</p>
<p>really no, you don’t want to go down this path. it is a 1/100 lucker. it is one of the most clich</p>
<p>i have talked to an admissions officer from an ivy league institution and he said that if an essay is good enough, that could make your application and get you admitted on almost solely that essay.</p>
<p>i also know of one example of an international student who had 1510 SATs and got into stanford based on her one personal statement.</p>
<p>I think you should write about anything you want. It’s not about the topic, it’s the way you write it. Don’t kill yourself over what you should/shouldn’t write, just write it and see how it goes. If it doesn’t work out, you can always start from scratch. It took me many essays and rewrites before I got the right topic (I too, applied to the UC and was frustrated with the broad person statement question). BTW, asking people on a forum to give you advice on what to write about isn’t going to help (you have have them edit your essay though). Only you know what’s right for you. Good luck on the application process!</p>
<p>This article gives good advice about how to open your essay to get it off to the right start. I agree with others that your subject is good because it’s real and personal but be careful not to be whiny.</p>
<p>[STANFORD</a> Magazine: September/October 2008 > Features > Admissions Essays Opening Lines](<a href=“Page Not Found”>Page Not Found)</p>