This sentence seems a little contradictory to me. If he wants to be an engineer…then he will need to major in…engineering.
Your son is a sophomore…so he is about sixteen. There are TONS of 16 year olds out there who,don’t know what they want to major in at college…or what they really want to be when they grow up.
There is an old saying here…“love the kid on the couch”. Nurture the strengths your kid has, and help him navigate the next few years with that in mind.
I vote for some ‘reality’.
Each level of education builds for the next. He is not using his HS opportunities. How was he in elementary school and middle school? It often is not just getting top grades, it is learning/growing/developing with EC, doing more - reading, music, chess club, etc. Developing the mind. Have an interest in learning towards goals - which should be through every level of education.
Back when DD2 was in 7th/8th grade, she talked about a career field she wanted to go into. Told her she cannot afford her life style/herself on what salary she would make with that degree. Smart gal; excellent math/science. Lots of engineers in the family. She can do her other interests in her free time as hobbies. Her HS also had a semester long course on personal finance; I found out when she brought the workbook home that it was the Dave Ramsey course - which was wonderful for her.
Developed her interest in engineering through HS, found the field she really likes (has had two college internships). On the path for success for sure. Working hard at college but also having fun (was an all state band student on her instrument from very young; plays for college marching band with scholarship/stipend).
This boy is lost in mediocrity and no goals. We know a few top student/college swimmers that actually also are in engineering or STEM major. However they were top students in MS and HS. High stat (GPA and ACT/SAT).
This didn’t happen overnight.
Unfortunately, lads physically and emotionally lag behind gals in MS/HS. Both DDs totally were through puberty and any growth spurts by 9th grade; some lads are still growing in college. Can build up emotional/mental to deal with physical demands of a growing body (needing more sleep, etc).
The earlier the wake up call for this lad, the more he can develop as a student. IMHO, there is a window for being on the student track through UG, with being a very good college student. Some ‘miss’ this opportunity and have to work harder - doing military first, going to local community college, etc.
Just got a recommendation on two books “Building Resilience in Children and Teens” by Kenneth Ginsburg MD, and another book “The Price of Privilege…” by Madeline Levine PhD. Ginsburg’s has a latest edition that you might be interested in, with extra materials (maybe see it at a local bookstore or on line to see if it interests you).
Parents need to really provide the parenting that their S/D need. Not always easy. Also recommend saying lots of times “We love you and want the best for you.”
Also can share - H and my brother both are engineers that didn’t apply themselves well in HS but both had the ‘chops’. Brother took a gap year, went to state engineering program as a junior after getting fr/so year done where his friends were - and it was hard work for him. He knew he was smart enough and struggled through. H was not a classroom guy (from something from early schooling), but had all kind of engineering interests and projects outside of his Jesuit HS (and having the excellent school program probably also saved him) from MS on (and his best friend also graduated from flagship engineering program too and is a successful engineer). In 8th grade, had extra Saturday classes to help the students that were going to the Jesuit HS. H had to take a ‘catch up’ math class between college freshman and sophomore year due to his lower aspirations in HS (he thought he would go into the Navy submarine program after HS) - MIL begged him to try college. He still is best learning on his own - learns new programming languages, project engineering, etc as an ECE. Both H and brother didn’t have stellar college grades, but have both been very successful career engineers.
No disrespect, but I don’t think the adversarial approach is a promising one.
As an engineer, I can tell you, that engineering is all about math, and if he wants to be one he should be motivated to excel in math. Tell him he can lollygag on the rest of his courses, but lollygagging on math slams the engineering door shut just like it would be difficult to try first try baseball when you are 18 and expect to make the majors. He may choose not to be an engineer, which isn’t a bad thing, but he should be made aware of the value of math.
Otherwise, I’m not sure that getting on his case will be “motivating” and may actually hinder his self-discovery of his own motivation. Really, to be successful, he needs to be self-motivated, not motivated by keeping his cell phone privileges.
I like the approach of bringing him to tour a few schools that he likes. Then have him ask the admission officer about the school’s expectation toward grades, ECs, etc. It may help if he sees something more concrete in terms of goal setting.
To help a kid be self-motivated, sometimes it takes a few initiatives and trials on the parents’ side. I remembered when I was young I was minimizing my efforts and maximizing my happiness fooling around. It was my mother who told me that I had two choices: either work in a local factory (for the rest of my life) or work hard and get into a decent school. I chose the latter. I know that was not a sound approach, but it worked for me.
I won’t hire a counselor. Instead, take the money and sign him up for a suumer Engineering program on a college campus. I also don’t agree a B /C student can’t handle engineering. Plenty of schools out there, even ABET schools that would take a chance.
Lots of lazy teenage boys in my family and most eventually turned around. What didn’t work: a rigid hand, threats, adversarial positions. For the boys in my family, that just set up conflict between the parents and son and they often rebelled.
What did work: lots of support, getting the student into more activities, organizational tutors, counseling.
Have you had a talk with the school guidance counselor? Are there any engineering courses in his high school? Have you looked into summer engineering programs? Some areas even have Saturday or afterschool math or engineering clubs. Get him more involved in his interests so he’s more invested. Stay on top of his math grades and offer him some sort of reward for bringing home As in math. Don’t worry about where he might go to college: there are directional state universities with engineering degrees and you can even start an engineering degree at the community college. The important thing is giving him the skills to get through the program and those skills involve math, better time management/ organization and motivation.
I would hire a tutor who could help him with time management, organization, and study skills. D1 started tutoring when she was senior in high school. She tutored few kids through her college years whenever she was home for holidays. She said most of those kids just needed to learn how to study and not be side tracked by a lot of social medias while they were studying. She helped them to organize their class notes, and showed them how to study for midterms and finals. Most of students were able to pull their grades up from B/C to low A/B+. Their parents were high earners with very busy schedule. The parents were happy to pay D1 $75/hr to do the job.
Agree that he needs to continue to plug away at the math and science needed to complete a college prep curriculum looking forward to potential engineering school. Next year his ACTs and/or SATs will tell him (and you) if he’s college ready. There are engineering schools that take B students with a decent math and science ACT score.
In my experience you don’t motivate young male teens with threats or with trying to explain some cost/value equation, but your mileage may vary. My good friend just sent a boy off to engineering school this fall who had a C average in high school and a 35 ACT score. It happens.
If the problem is he’s not getting enough study time in, you might work it out where you “schedule” 1.5 - 2 hours of study time that has to be completed every single night - either right after dinner or right after sports practice or right after school. Sometimes that small discipline can help a slacker student, but you need to pick a time that works with the schedule so it becomes the weekly routine with little to no deviation and the “friends” get the message and get with that routine, too. Make the study time someplace in the home away from distractions other than music if that helps the student focus. That worked well with all 3 of mine who could get easily distracted and slack off in terms of completing homework, turning in homework, etc. That alone will turn a C to be B in most schools. We did it right after dinner because of sports so by 8:30 at the latest they were “free” to do whatever they wanted until bedtime. It also helped develop the “study habit” that they carried over into college.
“My good friend just sent a boy off to engineering school this fall who had a C average in high school and a 35 ACT score. It happens.”
Yup, I had one of those, only he had an uncoached, first-try 36. He’s a sophomore now at a solid regional university. He’ll be fine.
I love those stories…my friend’s son was a one and done on his ACT. My oldest wrote one of his college essays about what he disliked about high school.
Does he have a job? I worked two summers as a janitor. Gave me a strong incentive to do better in school. Part of it was seeing how repeative and boring an minimum wage job can be. Another part was seeing how people treat people in the service industry.
It might be worth doing an intro session with a college counselor. Then next year if he has followed through on initial advise you could consider a longer term arrangement.