Hi, I’m applying to boarding school and I’m really excited about it. I will be able to attend without financial aid. My mom’s concerns included my siblings and how they would handle me being away for such long periods of time, and also how much she would miss me. My argument is more about the environment of a boarding school. What are some good points to articulate to her? What would you want to hear/how did you convince your parents? Thanks!
Hi @applejuice007 ,
I have almost the same problem, my mom does not want me to leave her ‘nest’, and my dad never really liked his own BS (which was not in US but another country). I would say ‘divide and conquer’ 
You didn’t mention your Dad’s view… Pitch your idea to him include stuff that BS has that your current school can’t provide, (if you attend public school and very big factor is that BS has higher funding and provides more opportunities). I sat down with my dad and asked him why he doesn’t want to let me go to BS… then listened to his reasons and offered reasons why they were either not true or not applicable to me… But this was more my case because BS here are much better and safer then my dad’s country. Try to get your dad on your side and then hopefully both of you can convince your mom 
My DH was far more hesitant than I was to consider BS for AppleKid when the idea came up. AppleKid eased him into it by sharing information that was found on school websites and pointing things out to him in the view books. The approach was “I just want to be sure I know about all the options that are out there”. AppleKid’s growing interest was clear and could not go unnoticed. DH and I also took notice when we saw how AppleKid prepared for the SSAT and was reaching out to coaches at the various schools. The initiative spoke volumes to us. I also think that keeping us involved helped us feel less afraid that AppleKid was heading off into the wide blue yonder and leaving us behind in the dust. However, even after M10 DH held out hope that AppleKid might still decide to stay local. But during revisits it became obvious that BS would be inevitable, and DH admitted “how can we not let this happen?”
I have a couple of ideas for you in addition to @AppleNotFar 's. First of all, be super responsible about your school work now. Show that it matters to you and that you can handle it independently and responsibly. It doesn’t sound like that’s the concern, but it is easier as a parent to justify sending a kid to BS when it’s clear that academics are their priority and that they’ll benefit from being in an environment where it’s everyone else’s. Some parents worry that their kids won’t do well if the parent isn’t there making sure everything happens – you need to make sure they aren’t worried about that.
You can also show them how many things you could do at BS that you can’t do at home, simply because BS schedules differently. At local schools, everything had to happen in time for the buses (or a reasonable pick-up time for parents), so things like music and theater and clubs and athletics are often scheduled in the same time block. At BS, there is generally a separate time for arts, for sports, for clubs – all because you’re there 24/7. This gives them – and you – evenings and weekends, so you don’t have to choose and specialize.
And this ties into something else that’s helpful for parents – you can do all these things without having to rely on them for rides, and if you have younger siblings, your parents probably are already driving all over the place and juggling schedules. As a parent, it’s great to know that your child can do all the things he/she loves AND hang out with friends AND get a great education and that you’re not going to have to schedule your life around driving them to all those things. Honestly, your parents WILL miss you. But it’ll also be nice to be able to have conversations that aren’t simply about logistics.
And yes, your siblings might miss you too! It won’t be a substitute for being around, but many schools have a siblings weekend. Often, when siblings see an older sib at BS, they start thinking it’s something they want as well, and it makes them serious about school. And that’s never a bad thing! You will have longer breaks (usually), so you’ll be home with them for big chunks of the year.
@gardenstategal those are exactly the reasons AppleKid wanted to go to BS, and you mentioned the parent benefits we are also hoping to enjoy!
Hey guys! Thanks for the advice :). I want to just clear something up: my dad is 100% for boarding school, but my mom attended one as a day student and says that she knows all the ups-and-downs about it. Academics aren’t really a factor in my mom’s decision, and she says that she won’t change her mind.
You are in a very tough situation. If your mom is like most, she just wants the very best for her family, and oftentimes when we are making decisions our personal experiences will trump evidence which contradicts what we have lived through ourselves. As you continue your efforts to go to boarding school, just remember to remain thankful that you have a mom who loves you so much!
Echoing the thoughts shared by @atria above, it sounds like your dad could be your strongest ally. What does he say about convincing your mom? If you are really serious about this, I think you need to work with him to help you figure out if there are ways that both of you can help your mom accept and support your goal of attending boarding school. I also have the impression that boarding school cultures have changed a lot since the days when your mom attended high school. Helping her see these changes may help too.
Something to consider is that deciding to go to boarding school is very different from deciding to apply to boarding school. When our family started our boarding school journey, AppleKid was only pitching the idea of applying, and continued to investigate local options as well. Maybe your mom will support you in going through the investigation and application process (it sounds like you have already started your applications?). As you will gather from what you read on this forum, being offered a spot at a boarding school depends on figuring out and applying to the school(s) where you would be considered a good fit. Truth be told, AppleKid, DH and I were very far from certain of getting offers of admission from the schools to which AppleKid applied. So we really didn’t have to face the decision of whether or not to let AppleKid go to boarding school until M10 (when decisions are sent out by most schools). Assuming that you want to apply to highly selective schools, that’s pretty much the case for everyone no matter how smart, charming and accomplished they may be.
Help your mother understand the reality of what good boarding schools are like and why that would be a better high school experience for you. Do research. And be clear to her exactly how and how much you will stay in touch with her and your siblings, and keep the promise if you have the opportunity to do so.
Your situation is a tough one because your mom has had personal experience, and that is often harder to reason with than a perception. You’re not only asking her to get information, you’re also asking her to admit that her information is wrong. That’s a tough spot to be in on ANY conversation, but particularly one with a parent.
I can tell you that as a parent, I brought quite a bit of my own “baggage” to my son’s college search, and it was because there were things in my experience that I didn’t want him to have to go through – I wanted him to be happy. Most parents really want what’s best for their kids, so it would be worthwhile to talk to your mom about what her specific concerns are. I can think of all kinds of things that she may have experienced – or seen – that she doesn’t want for you. Try to approach this as a listening exercise; it can be the first discussion on this. In other words, try not to debate (as tempted as you may be.)
Take what she says to heart. Some of her concerns may not be applicable at any of the schools, whereas some may be at some of them. Most schools are far more “evolved” than they were when your mom went, so some of the Lord-of-the-Flies social structure of decades ago has changed quite a bit. The legal environment has also changed quite a bit, so many schools are more on top of some of the things that she may be worried about. You may want to make some adjustments to your list to accommodate these issues if you hear her out. I agree that it could be helpful to enlist your dad’s help, but it would be mature for you to have this conversation with her on her own.
@applejuice007 congrats today! Is your mom on board for boarding?