<p>If you decide to rent out your daughter’s living area, I would think about a grad student. I’m sure you would have no trouble renting it.</p>
<p>Clearly there needs to be a family sit-down. The way I see it, the parents could actually (and rather easily) come out financially ahead, and with no loans for anybody. Sounds to me that the issue really is the need for good family conversation.</p>
<p>I do think part of the “college experience” is living on campus. That said, I also think the reality is the reality and if you and your husband are out of work than everyone needs to cut back. Most freshman do not need or are allowed cars on campus, there is one money saver, even if you just take the car off the road freshman year. My S will be responsible for his own spending money while at college. Actually, he earns his own spending money now as a HS sr. Perhaps your D can come up with other ways to come with at least part of the money. Good luck.</p>
<p>Just a daughter (lurking on the parents forum) weighing in–</p>
<p>My parents paid for fourteen years of private Christian education and told me that I was on my own for college–the house needs to be paid off. I was blessed enough to recieve a full tuition scholarship, but am responsible for room and board–about $8500 a year. I am working like crazy applying for scholarships, working 12 hours a week (a 4-hour a week “official” job on Saturdays and catsitting, babysitting, teaching piano lessons, and tutoring for an hour after school everyday), keeping up a 4.0, working 40 hours a week in the summer, and anticipating taking out some Stafford loans (hopefully I’ll be less than $10,000 in debt when I graduate). I have been always concious of the fact that my parents were sacrificing what would amount to a car every year my sister and I went to my school, so I think this is reasonable. (I definitely have chores, although much less so this year because I’m working 16 hour days on school, work, and scholarships)</p>
<p>My school is five hours from home, so I don’t have the option of living at home. If I did, I still would be willing to work this hard and go into debt to stay in the dorms, at least for the first year or two (from my experience, most of my college friends live off campus as upper-classmen). </p>
<p>If you’d like to help your daughter out a little, rent the apartment out, then let her live there as an upperclassman (perhaps even with a roommate). Also, there are some meal plans that are much cheaper than others. I’m saving $500 a year by forfeiting “late-night dining.”</p>
<p>However, take with a grain of salt–this is coming from an admittedly somewhat immature 18 year old :)</p>
<p>Tinksmom - you said the magic words for me … you both got laid off. Don’t you dare go into debt so that she can do the dorm thing, especially if she will be going to grad school and racking up some debt. If you’ve got tuition paid then good for you. You sound like great parents but it also sounds like it’s time to give the girl a reality check and have her thinking about someone other than herself. </p>
<p>Good luck and congrats on the free ASU tuition.</p>
<p>I think the girl is getting a bum rap. We don’t have a clue what she thinks. And, played right, the parents could come out financially ahead (maybe even significantly) if she lives in the dorm, depending on the arrangement.</p>
<p>She’ll need every penny for medical school and should start saving now. Medical school is going to cost 200 - 250K. Depending on the specialty, it will be approximately a 10 -12 year process from college through residency when a person is out of the workforce and not earning or earning very little during residency. If she intends to have children then there will some years of less or no income. I always advise young people to save as much as they can during their education if they intend on being a physician because for most specialties, the numbers don’t work out. One of my med school classmates lived in his aunt’s basement for 2 years to save money and not have to take more med school loans. It will be a different college experience living at home, for sure but there is no need for guilt. The more she saves now, the less she’ll have to borrow later and she should begin to value this way of thinking if she is serious about being a physician.</p>
<p>“Need help feeling really guilty.” It doesn’t sound like it. You seem to be doing a fine job of feeling guilty on your own.</p>
<p>@Mini,
I think you are right that the parents will come out ahead if they rent her rooms and D lives on campus. But my gut feeling is that the D would have problem with that, because she is used to getting what she wants. Parents seem wishy washy and it will be tough for them to get strong and make these decisions stick.</p>
<p>You said you were just both laid off - if your D can’t understand this is a financial decision and not a personal one, then she’ll just have to get over it.</p>
<p>She has a pretty cushy existence - not having to be responsible for anything. No curfew, her own entrance, you pay all the vehicle costs…</p>
<p>If she MUST do this, then let her know she will have to figure out how to pay for it.</p>
<p>There are boundaries and hurdles in everything we do in life. Time she started having to take the responsibility for the ones in her own life. If she truly has to, she’ll find a way. That’s not your job.</p>
<p>Focus on the positive and clear, careful communication and it will all be fine. If she hasn’t seen your budget - show her.</p>
<p>You do NOT need to feel guilty, there is nothing to be guilty about.</p>
<p>“But my gut feeling is that the D would have problem with that, because she is used to getting what she wants.”</p>
<p>We haven’t heard a single word from the D. No evidence or even suggestion that she isn’t willing to help out. No suggestion that she isn’t willing to work toward a common (and easily available) solution whereby the parents come out ahead.</p>
<p>Tinksmom hasn’t come back for awhile. I think she realizes now that they’ve created a situation where good sense has been turned on its head. </p>
<p>I think Curmy’s post was top, top. (Of course, others made good points as well, but his post was “in a nutshell” the best.)</p>
<p>*Originally Posted by op
I’ve lived my whole life for my daughter </p>
<p>Just my opinion but first, let’s get this fixed. Then you can work on the rest. *</p>
<p>I agree that it is a perfect set up for a grad student. Make it a female grad student. Maybe you should plan to do this as a way to supplement your income which will be much lower even when you find work…</p>
<p>“@Mini,
I think you are right that the parents will come out ahead if they rent her rooms and D lives on campus. But my gut feeling is that the D would have problem with that, because she is used to getting what she wants. Parents seem wishy washy and it will be tough for them to get strong and make these decisions stick.”</p>
<p>All we know for sure is that she is darn smart. She earned a full 4-year tuition scholarship to the ASU Honors College. And she would like to live in a dorm. And she has a car. And she’s probably 18? I don’t see the parents as “wishy-washy” or “unable to make their decisions stick.” I see determined parents who hit a bad patch, don’t want to feel guilty, and may (or may not) be looking for options.</p>
<p>I think we need to credit the student with at least a little intelligence, and from the little information provided, this could be a win-win for everyone, and the parents could end up with more money than when they started.</p>
<p>True–sell the car (it’s very expensive to own and maintain a car), rent out her room, have D get a job on campus and during the summer…this could work out to help the parents with their depleted income flow.</p>
<p>I can’t believe that the OP isn’t asking for help/ideas about how she and her H are going to manage in ANY area of their lives, much less sending a kid to college, considering that they both lost their jobs! That is the main priority problem right now. If their D is able to figure a way to financially swing it without extra cost to her parents, that’d be great. Saving money for them would be even better.</p>
<p>If she does live on campus and the parents rent out her room, there might be a problem with where she stays when the dorms are closed down during holidays/breaks. She won’t like sleeping on the couch in the living room instead of in her own very luxurious space that was described, but she might just have to, if this is going to work.</p>
<p>She should think twice, too, about insisting on the dorm experience. Show her the <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/583783-rant-about-your-roommate-here.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/583783-rant-about-your-roommate-here.html</a> thread, especially this post <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/12445072-post150.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/12445072-post150.html</a>.</p>
<p>My son is at a uni where 95% of the kids live on campus for all 4 years. He would have really preferred a single all 4 years, and may get one senior year. If we lived 5 minutes from his campus (instead of 2,000 miles), and he had a set-up like the OP’s D has, he would have been thrilled.</p>
<p>You said your daughter did pretty well with her grades, I think she MUST understand the things shes giving up when she moved out and stay in the school security and freedom at the comfort of her own home. She should be reminded of the possible expenses, you being laid off, etc. </p>
<p>Raising her with no responsibility at all is the only guilt-feeling you should have. And I believe its time for you and your hubby to teach her that. If she still insists to go on with what she wants, then tell her that she needs to earn her own money with options selling her car, renting out her part of the house, looking for a part time job, etc. She should be able to weigh if her car is more important to her, or her home or struggling looking for work to cover her expenses. And please demand that her grades MUST not be affected with whatever decision she may have. </p>
<p>She should be wise enough to think the pros and cons of her decisions. Though staying in school would be fun and will teach her a lot of stuffs good or bad, she should know how to handle herself well.</p>
<p>I see no evidence that the student is spolied. No evidence that she isn’t willing to take responsibility. No evidence that she isn’t willing to help out. No evidence that she doesn’t understand the situation. And no evidence that the parents can’t act wisely.</p>
<p>But she is 18, and the adults in the situation need to be the ones to frame the alternatives. If they do so, I bet they will come out in better financial shape by having her stay in the dorms than at home.</p>
<p>Need help feeling really guilty? Then don’t have a good conversation with your d.</p>
<p>One of my son’s college options was a local college that gives a commuter grant to free up dorms for those who come from far away. Otherwise it is a full priced private college and he did not get any other money. It was an option only if he commuted. He would keep his very nice bedroom at home and he also has a car. There was absolutely no question about going there and living there unless he got money from the school which he did not. Another choice was a college an hour a way that is within commuting distance. He got a nice merit award there that made it affordable even living there. AND he could keep his car and his room at home to which I expect he’d return to more often than with some of his other choices. Another choice was a school far away where he would have to dorm and have to sell his car, and his room will be converted to something since he won’t be coming home that much. That was what he chose. </p>
<p>But within the $ amounts, I made no stipulatons. If he had gotten enough money from Choice 1 as he did for Choice 2, he could have lived on campus rather than pocketing the money and commuting. I had no problem with him living on campus even if a school was minutes away as long as the price was affordable to us and we set the dollar figure. It didn’t matter to me whether he spent that amount going across country and living in a dorm or lived within minutes of the college and still living on campus. It was all his choice as long as the cost parameters were met and those were set by our financial situation. </p>
<p>In my son’s case, he had no intentions of commuting to college if he had better options. As long as he had a choice that let him live in the dorm, he would take it. And that was his option. </p>
<p>If you cannot pay for her room and board and she can’t come up with the money, that is one issue. If the issue is that you don’t want to do so because the school is so close but you would pay if the school she picked were several hours away and you view this as a waste of money,…well, it is your money and your right, but I can see why she is not happy. If this school costs right up to what you can afford, there really is no further discussion. Can’t squeeze water out of stone. But if you’re a sponge, there is something there. Again, it is your call, and you do have some alternatives here with the type of living arrangement you have for her. In our case, renting out the room would be intrusive since it is just a regular bedroom down the hall of our upstairs. so not really an attractive option.</p>
<p>One thing great about ASU is its Barretts Honors College which is really a community by itself. Living in the Barretts dorm is part of the great experience offered by the Honors College. I truly hope something can work out financially (rent out the room, sell the car, work part time job, etc. as many of you suggested) so the daughter can live in the Barretts dorm.</p>