Need help getting over it

Parents Social Lounge
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<p>This fits in the category of should one complain and, if so to whom, or just get over it since complaining won't change anything.</p>

<p>We are Virginia residents and one of my d's top choices is UVA. We were really hoping she would get her school's nomination for Jefferson Scholar (she has 4.0 uw, # 1 in class, hardest course load, ecs, 800s on 2 sections of SAT and a total score or 2310 -- think it's the highest in her class). If not her, thought it would go to another top student since the profile of last years crop of Jefferson scholars on the UVA website says that 100% were in top 5% of class. This scholarship is worth $70K in-state and since she is the first of 5 kids to go to college, money is definitely a factor.</p>

<p>We found out yesterday that #35 in the class, ranked between 15 and 20% and apparently captain of the football team but little else (no URM status or anything) was nominated. Lots of rumors going around but the bottom line is this student does not have the stats to even become a finalist. The school has just given its only nomination for a $70k scholarship to someone who has no chance of winning over nominating one of several students who would have a shot. In fact, when we my daughter learned it wasn't her, she immediately thought she knew the 3 students who might have gotten it -- not even close though.</p>

<p>The lack of integrity in the process stinks and the financial aspects -- giving up the chance for someone with a real shot to get the scholarship makes me sick. </p>

<p>I know I need to let go of this -- how have some of you done that? I have to move on so that I can help my D focus on her other aps and not get discouraged.</p>

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<p>Wow- in some ways, as with so many school things, it is difficult to make any substantive changes, especially not in any way which would potentially benefit people now (your D or friends) but this is such a flagrant abuse of the system and can be typical in a fiefdom at a school.</p>

<p>I would go to the best person you can come up with- School Board president? Guidance Counselor? Principal....choose based on your school's dynamics.</p>

<p>Determine up front what you want- sympathy or solution? Do you want to vent and have some one understand or do you want a fix, if that's not possible now, then for future years.</p>

<p>I hate to see money thrown away for the sake of an honor to a favorite.</p>

<p>In our state, the Byrd scholarship is based on UW GPA plus SAT, so there is no reason whatsoever to honor any one other than a 4.0UW with the 2 nominations, as any one else would never have a shot at the $. I don't know the Jefferson rules, but if you could research it and approach everything you do from the perspective of fixing it for the future, then school employees cannot write you off as self-involved sour grapes. It seems simple to me that the school should nominate the students with the best chance to win the $!!!</p>

<p>Good luck! Even if no change can be made this year, at least you would feel better about tackling it for others, perhaps even your younger children?</p>

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<p>I'm not really crazy about the way most of these in-high school scholarships are given out. I have to admit at my son's school it is all very mysterious...</p>

<p>I guess the lesson is that kids just shouldn't get their hopes up too high.</p>

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<p>tcollegesearch- I watched last year in amazement at the way some scholarship opportunities fell out at our high school. Confidently assume that everything works out for a reason. I have a feeling that something great is just around the corner for your DD. Hang in there! The kid who was nominated probably knows he doesn't have a great chance at the $$....how must he feel??</p>

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<p>My D was a 4.0UW 4.7+weighted Valedictorian, 35 ACT, hardest schedule in school history, captain of the state championship basketball team. Every major outside award and nomination that was discretionary went to someone else. When I questioned the GC on the selection process , she said Mr. Principal can pick whoever he wants. </p>

<p>You just have to get over it.</p>

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<p>Is self-nominating an option? Even though it might seem like a longshot, a boy who received the Morehead at UNC from our area wasn't one of his school's 4 nominees, but he was able to self-nominate.</p>

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<p>You know, Curm, your D already has a high self-esteem, so they have to pass those awards on to kids who need a boost :D And, yup, I've seen it, too, school favourtism politics are bizarre to watch.</p>

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<p>curmudgeon is right. Most of us can cite many instances where outrage might be the natural response but acceptance is the healthy alternative. You cannot change this, right? It already happened. Administrators base decisions on social engineering often, and the kids who deserve certain honors don't get them all the time. It's upsetting. We know your daughter deserved this, and so does everyone else - and it's too bad. But move on for your own good.</p>

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<p>love that sports stuff....yep...and why does one person get to nominate?</p>

<p>that would be the issue I would question</p>

<p>and love how we are all supposed to get over obvious favoratism to sports people, really irksome</p>

<p>its that attitude that just stinks, well, just get over it</p>

<p>it may be small to some, but if people don't stand up and say, this is wrong, this kind of stuff will continue forever</p>

<p>nothing wrong with questioning, sending letters, etc....</p>

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<p>why can't she change this> she can send in the stats of the other children who she felt were more deserving and even if the jefforson people don't do anything this time, maybe they will consider that standards for nominees</p>

<p>moving on, sure, but ignoring, nah....</p>

<p>who wants to bet that the parents of some nominees have some pull</p>

<p>here is another thing, who knows what the nomination form looks like, what the principal fills in, etc., how does anyone know it is honest, because when it is obvioslly unfair, that person doing the nominating should not be trusted to do the right thing</p>

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<p>cgm, using my n=1 , I posted my D's shopworn profile to say it's not always the sports kids getting overlooked. She was a "sports star" and she still got zippo on the discretionary awards. The principal didn't like her as much as the next guy. It happens.</p>

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<p>My reaction is: how exactly do you know this? Did you see the nomination paperwork, signed and sealed and delivered? Could it be just a rumour?</p>

<p>My response to such a rumour would be to approach the principal, with the very smarmy reason that I was concerned because I knew <other person=""> really needed and deserved the scholarship and was concerned that the nomination process appeared arbitrary and unfair... and that I knew the principal wasn't really like that.</other></p>

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<p>Seems to me when you have a nomination such as the Jefferson, or the Danforth at WashU or an RPI medal that at least some thought needs to go into "giving" it to someone 1) who would use it, and 2) who would benefit by it. Doesn't sound like the OP thinks the recipient meets that second prong of the test.</p>

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<p>This is tough. See PM.</p>

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<p>I so hear you, OP on how unfair this seems, in light of the sacrifices your student has made to get that class rank. We had some of the same questions ourselves as last year unfolded for our dd. I think if you verify that in fact the school has picked #35 in class, you have been given the gift of insight into the thoughts of the staff. This could have nothing to do with your student, but some incident in other years about the nomination. Or about their own kids, and what they as parents value which reflects in their choices. Or maybe they decided to keep it simple and give this nomination to whoever asked them first. It should not be taken personally. Prepare yourself for the subjective way the staff gives awards and scholarships to come. I'll bet that if the principal did this, there will be more "non-numbers based" decisions to come. It is a big scholarship, but there are so many others. Upon googling the Jefferson scholar website, I see that the selection process involves three equally important factors:
"The school must nominate the individual from the senior class who excels in leadership, scholarship, and citizenship. A good candidate will possess strengths in all three criteria, which are weighed equally."</p>

<p>It IS a wake-up call for you and your student: don't think that #1 will mean the staff will reward your student. Its time for you and your student to do some serious refining/ planning about scholarships, match schools with money to be awarded, and dream schools. Try to get the GC in the boat with you. Make sure those recs are sparkling with great details. Make sure your student is sharing his dream school/scholarship goals with GC, teachers, principal. Look at the cc threads about merit $$- those are great stats and take them out for a spin for other prestigious scholarships. </p>

<p>There are MANY great scholarships that use selection criteria of rank/grades/sats, and are are worth big amounts of money. Perhaps your student is NOT the best of the school's leaders, if not, find selection criteria that matches his strengths. If net cost is a consideration, target schools that give BOTH decent fin aid and merit awards. My thought to get over it would be to get his school's nomination for another important scholarship, or apply for others that don't require it, and come Spring, make his options something of a gleeful choice. </p>

<p>In the meantime, try not to focus on anything that they don't get-- there's so much to get through at this time in the sr yr, just move onto the next thing and keep it as positive as you can. We cautioned our d to not get emotionally attached to any scholarship or college until the offers and net costs came in. This was something we learned on cc, and it worked well for us.</p>

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<p>I appreciate the input and reinforcement that while the right thing to do is at least raise this at some point so that it might be done more fairly in future years, not much can be done now.</p>

<p>BTW, momnipotent, you're right about how the student feels. The class only has 200 students and he told others not to tell my DD -- didn't take long though. She purposely didn't talk about it at school today because she said it's obvious he feels badly (not badly enough to do the right thing -- but these are kids we're talking about). They have 4 classes together and he is avoiding contact at this point.</p>

<p>I know it all happens for a reason so, hopefully, the process at Emory, UNC and Wash U will be kinder.</p>

<p>Thanks also for the PMs -- appreciated.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
not badly enough to do the right thing

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Er, what exactly would "the right thing" be? Decline the nomination? You can't seriously expect him to do that.</p>

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<p>tcollege--keep posting. Your story has the ring of the 2007 berurah's son story or the 2007 version of the k's son story--the one where he got an incredible ride to WashU and had no idea he'd be selected.</p>

<p>These stories usually have very happy endings.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
We found out yesterday that #35 in the class, ranked between 15 and 20% and apparently captain of the football team but little else (no URM status or anything) was nominated.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>
[quote]
Upon googling the Jefferson scholar website, I see that the selection process involves three equally important factors:
"The school must nominate the individual from the senior class who excels in leadership, scholarship, and citizenship. A good candidate will possess strengths in all three criteria, which are weighed equally."</p>

<p>It IS a wake-up call for you and your student: don't think that #1 will mean the staff will reward your student.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I think that ocmom hits the nail on the head with her statement. You stated that the person who got the nod had "nothing else" except for the fact that he was captian of the football team (got no vested interest as I don't know either kid and I am not the parent of a football or other recruitable athlete)</p>

<p>Before I jump on the bandwagon to say that your D was "wronged" we have to keep in mind like dmd77 stated, we did not see the paperwork nor do we know how students were evaluated in all 3 categories. There are also other things that we don't know. It is very easy to say that someone is number #1 while someone else is #35 but it is a whole different issue when you look at how many points separate the 1st from the 35th person (we've been around long enough to see that it could be hundredths of a point.</p>

<p>Since grades are only one part of the equation and the factors are weigted pretty equally, it could be while your D may have had "better academics" the person who was ultimately nominated was able to knock her out of the box because he could have been stronger in the other 2 categories.</p>

<p>Whose to say what is or isn't fair? We along with your D's friends and everyone else could be part of the greek chorus saying that se was wronged and while you may feel better in this moment, is it really going to change a decision that someone else has made? You may not be able to change what has happened but you can change how you deal with it.</p>

<p>You & your D should be proud that she is a great student, but in the selective school process, what happens out side of the classroom can be just as important as what goes on inside of the class room. </p>

<p>I also agree with ocmom's statement that it is best to take this as a wake-up call for you and your student: don't think that #1 will mean the staff will reward your student. Its time for you and your student to do some serious refining/ planning about scholarships, match schools with money to be awarded. If your D is solely looking for her grades alone to get her from point a to point b (and there is nothing wrong with that) then you may have to tailor your list that soley "rewards" academics. Other wise keep in mind that colleges look to build a class of learners so that all can benefit from the experience. This means that the class won't be necesarily filled with students who rank # 1 with perfect scores, but there will be room for the kid who is # 35, who while is is not the top academically, he excels in other areas.</p>

<p>Just because she did not get nominated for this award, does not mean that she can't be admitted to and get scholarship money from UVA (they are still a school that meets 100% of your demonstrated need and they have other scholarships which she may be eligible for).
I beleive that after all has been said and done, you D will have some amazing choices when and where it matters the most.. when decision time comes. </p>

<p>If you hold on to this she is going to have a hard time moving forward. Remind her of the scripture :***
"the race is not given to the swift, not the battle to the strong, but to he who endures until the end". ***</p>

<p>Let her run her race, this is just a bump in the road, leap over it and don't let it throw her off the course.</p>

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<p>I very much agree with sybbie719. The school didn't do anything wrong here. The requirements for the Jefferson are vague and open to subjective interpretation. I think you're sending the wrong message to your D, that she should be resentful or not wish the boy who won the award well. Good "sportsmanship" is an important quality to encourage. It teaches resiliency and graciousness when things don't go exactly as we would have wished. I'm sure your daughter will do very well in the college admissions and scholarship process. She should congratulate the Jefferson nominee and move on.</p>