Please read the original post. OP was very articulate in her concerns. One of the responders is fighting a different battle
There is a grand canyon of difference between the education available to the vast majority of poverty-stricken India (can anybody really argue that this isn’t horrible? Really? It just is) and the educational opportunities offered to the Indian elite, which are marvelous, expensive, and available to very few.
Surely it’s the elite opportunities that OP’s H would like to emulate for his daughter, not the overall educational system in that country. OP’s H might himself be a product of that wonderful education, who knows.
Wow, well that took a different turn.
People either love India or hate it. Clearly there are people that have been to India, fallen sick, and had that color their entire feelings about the country.
FWIW we moved to India 9 years ago. We love it here…as do most of the expats that I know (and we know quite a few). There are problems in every country.
We live in one of the largest cities. Yes, there are civic problems. And the traffic is horrible. But I know lots of wonderful people working to improve the educational system, working on trash management, working on improving the lives of girls and women. Thinking about it, I know more people here actively working on social issues than I ever knew when I lived in the US.
I love that I know ALL my neighbors, and their kids, and their grandparents. And they know us. I love that I don’t have to worry about school shootings or drugs in my kids’ schools. I love that in my own little sphere I am able to help and support a number of people and that my help has allowed them to continue to send children to school.
And, you might be surprised to know, a HUGE number of those very talented Indians have returned to India and are now working in the international companies that have offices here. Home is home. No longer are young Indians told that leaving and going abroad is the only option. This place is FANTASTIC for entrepreneurs and people who have a drive to achieve. ANYTHING is possible here if you are willing to work hard.
The free government education is a joke. And the poorest of the poor get little education. But anyone with ANY income (even maids, drivers, the guy who irons clothes) puts their children in privates schools. And those schools are educating the kids and helping them move up the ladder. A maid who puts her kids through school may end up with an accountant and a doctor in the family eventually (as my maid will.)
There are problems, there are challenges, there are pockets of the country that are positively medieval in their approach to many issues. But India is challenging, and exciting, and vibrant. I hope people will keep an open mind.
I know several former students at UMich that did double major in music performance and engineering (and one was double major in viola and biology). That would be a practical solution for OP if no compromise can be reached. One of the student majored in flute and civil engineering went into engineering field after graduation for almost 10 years while he teaches student music on the side. Finally, he decided to go back to school for a PhD in music last year. The one major in viola and biology is now a full time musician in a very good city orchestra after received her master degree in music performance.
@prospect1 yes you are right there is a big difference between the education the poor receive and the education the super rich receive. Is it any different anywhere in the world? Public school in Detroit vs. Private Prep School in New England seems like a pretty huge gulf.
My husband is a product of the typical middle class education that a vast number of Indians receive. Not free government schooling but affordable middle class schooling.
@AttorneyMother - Business might be an option. She is currently in an Entrepreneurship program (a 6 month incubation experiment) to help her see if that is something that speaks to her.
@cvalie: I haven’t read every post on the 7 pages. My question is regardless what subject your D will eventually major in, is there a particular reason why she needs to decide now? Is it because it’s going to affect what type of high shool classes she will take or even what type of high school she will attend, or is it because your husband wants her to involve in “relevant” ECs to be more competitive for elite college admission?
@panpacific - I think a little of all of that. Yes, we need to pick IB courses and yes he wants her involved in ECs that would make her more competitive for any college…not just “elite” college admissions. But more than that…I think there is an idea that if you know want you want early, you can lay the groundwork early, pursue it early and become more successful than if you wait longer to figure it all out.
@Marian - just wondering what the justified critiques of IB are? Not that we have any better option here but wondering where IB falls short?
Based on the descriptions on these forums, some common complaints about IB programs are:
- Limited flexibility for students who are highly advanced in a particular subject (commonly math).
- Workload is very heavy, even though the student does not necessarily get more advanced than in a selection of AP courses or courses taken at a local college.
- Some IB programs have limited selections of HL courses.
OK. Breaking it down - a lot of college in the U.S. are close to stats based so ECs help but are hardly determining factors, so for “any” college she really doesn’t need to focus in right now. For highly selective colleges, if her ECs are Stella AND consistent with her intended major field, she will obviously have a more convincing case, but if they are not something she’s really passionate about then would she be able to do them very well to make a difference? Something to consider and discuss with your husband. I see nothing wrong with being truly well rounded at this age, and as a matter of fact, I see a more promising prospect of being successful in the future for an engineer who has a solid foundation for writing and analysis as well. Tell your husband how lucky you are to have such a wonderful child!
@ucbalumnus yes those seem fair criticism of some IB programs. Ours seems quite good but yes, with a very heavy workload.
This thread took an ugly turn. I hope ds2, who is currently studying in India, comes home with a better impression. He’s already expressed lots of interesting observations, none of them vitriolic.
OP, I was going to suggest Carnegie Mellon. Tops in CS and the arts. The guy who played Olaf in Frozen is an alum. 
@Youdon’tsay - he isn’t on the SITA program by any chance, is he? That is the program I studied in India on when I was an undergrad. I am sure he is having an AMAZING experience - most people find that India is like nothing else they have ever experienced in their lives!
Nope, not SITA. He’s only been there two weeks, but when I asked his first impression, it was “beautiful,” which really surprised me. His group toured Pavrati Hill this weekend, and he starts Indian vocalization classes today. Today, he sent me a Snapchat from a rickshaw. He is embracing everything, especially the food.
@ucbalumnus summarized the limitations of IB programs well, but it’s important to remember that these often-stated criticisms are based on a comparison of IB versus the other options available to U.S. students.
The student we’re talking about here is in India, and we don’t know what options other than IB might have been available to the family.
The kid needs to choose herself. However, many choose to have combo of unrelated major(s) / minor(s).
Kids don’t often have enough exposure at 14 to really know what they want. School subjects and activities can offer little real world experience. I liken it to preschool when kids generally want to be firemen, police officers, dancers, or their parent’s profession. For most 3 and 4-year-olds, those are the careers they are aware of. Young teens are often swayed more by the QUALITY of education they’ve gotten in an area than whether it’s really for them or not. Obviously, this isn’t the kids fault but you rarely find a young teen passionate about going into a particular subject without having some truly quality, challenge, mentorship and exposure behind it.
So, you are totally right. It’s too early AND too limiting for her to decide now. Colleges know this too as many design their programs to offer a wide range of exposure the first year or two in school.
^ Yes. My D’s college list has changed dramatically from last year (her junior year) at this time.
Go ahead and start thinking abut schools and potential majors, but know that some of the schools chosen now won’t even be on the list when it comes time to apply and enroll. Also know her interests will change. My D was thinking about Engineering at one time - she’s a senior now and has discovered history, literature, and languages.
There are kids who start out as straight A students their freshman year, then graduate with a 3.5 or less… Students who start out getting Bs and Cs, then knock it out of the ballpark in their junior year, when they decide to buckle down and get all As. There are students who get all As, then tank their ACT/SATs.
Up until May of their junior year, it’s all speculation…
eta: Yes, I’m aware that the OP’s daughter attends school in India, and the system is different than U.S. high schools, but… My point is that, right now, at 14, you have no idea what her interests or even true passion will be when she’s 17 (or 18, or 19), and/or what her grades, test scores, and class standing will be. The latter will determine, to a great extent, which college she will attend in the U.S. And you won’t have that factor until the spring of her junior year.
This thread started out with an interesting question. And practically no one has even addressed that question. Instead, we have 7+ pages of virtual total agreement:
U.S. students don’t have to specialize before college, and they can go a ways into college before picking a major. Even when they pick their majors, that doesn’t define them for life. They should have a well-rounded, challenging high school curriculum that includes three basic sciences, math through calculus if possible, English, and other languages, with at least a few AP or HL type courses. The IB curriculum is pretty good, although not perfect by any means. South Asians focus too much on a few brand-name colleges and brand-name careers. Tiger parenting is unattractive and can backfire. It sucks to be poor in India, but we love the food, as long as we don’t get dysentery. If we do, it isn’t the OP’s husband’s fault, and it probably isn’t the proximate result of making 14 year-olds choose their (initial) careers, either. That said, we generally like the U.S. system better.
And so on.
Left unanswered is the OP’s initial question, which pretty much assumed everything that has been subsequently discussed. How does one talk about those issues productively across a cultural divide? How does one keep the discussion from devolving into lazy, unfocused Americans vs. India’s continuing failure to manage poverty better? What if one parent is a tiger and the other a pussycat?
Actually, the OP and her husband seem to be doing an excellent job of this; maybe she should be giving advice rather than soliciting it. But how about discussions not between a married couple who have plenty of respect for one another and lots of experience working out disagreements? How about here on CC? What’s the best way to talk about these culturally charged issues without turning it into an exercise in competitive chauvinism?