Need Help on my first UC Prompt, please read and comment :D

<p>This is my essay for UC Prompt number 1, Is it good so far? Does it stay true to the prompt? Are there any ways I can shorten it (word count is around 600 words)? Any help and/or constructive criticism is appreciated :D</p>

<p>UC Prompt 1: "Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."</p>

<p>Every child is born with innate gifts and talents. Discovering those talents, honing them and acquiring new skills which complement these gifts to be employed toward the service of humankind is the most marvelous adventure one can undertake. In doing so I have discovered that even though I have my own unique characteristics, my culture, my upbringing and the communities I live in have left their imprints on me and shaped my values and aspirations.</p>

<p>I have been fortunate to have wonderful parents who took immense efforts to instill their values in me. From my father, I learned the importance of reasoning and applying logic in all situations. Hence I have made it a point to think through the ramifications before making decisions and weigh the consequence of my actions. My father often tells me to learn the fundamentals and understand concepts rather than memorize facts. As a result, I have a deeper understanding of the things I learn. He also encouraged me to find my passion and work tirelessly to pursue it.
From my mother, I have learned to be selfless. She encourages me to help others by doing simple things, whether it is recycling bottles to raise money for homeless or donating a few dollars to our Church every week. My faith and my Church also teach me that I cannot selfishly use my material possessions to satisfy myself. Instead I have to be a good steward of the rewards of my labor by ministering to the needs of the less fortunate. This has taught me to empathize with those around me.</p>

<p>When I was very young, I was an introvert by nature and had very few friends. At the age of ten, my parents coaxed me into joining a local youth cricket club. I hesitantly decided to give it a try. Being a team-oriented sport, cricket made me deal with my shyness and I quickly made many lasting friendships. Cricket has also helped me build my confidence. Even though batting and fielding came naturally to me, I was unable to showcase my talent in matches due to lack of confidence. I worked on this by practicing hard. The confidence I gained not only helped me perform well in matches but also helped me in other areas. Cricket taught me to take responsibility, make meaningful contributions, importance of teamwork and how to handle failure and success.</p>

<p>During the summer of my junior year, I spent time volunteering at the Children’s Discovery Museum of San Jose, a place where children could engage in creative activities. It was my job to make sure that all the activities were running smoothly. At first, my new job was intimidating. Every time I entered the museum, children were roughhousing, infants were crying, and parents were running about aimlessly. Though I had to go through a lot, I would always feel happy that I was serving others. Every time I scrubbed the gritty layers of paint off an apron, or patiently taught a shy toddler how to make the arms for a cornhusk doll, I would feel proud that I was helping others. This experience also improved my confidence to take responsibility and instilled in me a belief that I can make a difference in the lives of others around me.</p>

<p>As I enter my final year of high school, my family, my Church, my community and my experience have prepared me to face the future with confidence. I have learnt the importance of hard work, perseverance, service to mankind and how to learn from failures and become successful.</p>

<p>You have to many ideas in this essay IMO( gaining confidence, wanting to help others…) you don’t talk about how you see the world like where you come from. I will just ask one question that should have you thinking. Which one of these events has had the most impact on you and how is shaped your dreams?</p>

<p>The success of essays sometimes comes from the ability to focus on one idea and describe it through and thorough.</p>

<p>Now that I come to think of it, you guys are 100% correct about having too many events/ideas ; i’m now making revisions to focus and elaborate on one single idea
Thanks :D</p>