Need help polishing and cutting this essay

<p>Hi, my essay is pretty much grammar proof, but I need to cut it down from 1000 words to possibly 700-800, and just need open critiques. I'm trying to send this to Upenn by November, so I'm desperate for help!</p>

<p>Hey I'd be glad to take a look and offer feedback. PM me :)</p>

<p>PM it to me.
or email me at: <a href="mailto:srrinath@gmail.com">srrinath@gmail.com</a><a href="hint:%20i'm%20at%20my%20email%20more%20often">/email</a></p>

<p>not an 09-er.
be forewarned, i'm very frank.</p>