there’s a book called “how to be a high school superstar” that has interesting anecdotes about how some kids went deep on true interests and became more interesting people. Thus they become interesting to interview and even look more interesting on paper. It’s a quick read. Can’t recall the author.
Your post inspired me to post for the first time ever on CC 
We are going through the college process for the first time with my DD22. She is incredibly smart, but has not yet cured cancer
She has good EC’s but mainly athletics (4 year varsity cheer and 10 years of competitive alpine skiing, and we live in the south!). Clubs, and NHS and all the other normal things that kids do. She did work last summer as a day camp counselor at the local Y - which gave her some topics for essays… We let her choose everything.
We put together her list, which started making me nervous because they were all top 30, except 1. We added a top 50 safety to make mom feel better (she was accepted EA last month and we all breathed a sigh of relief).
Low and behold, she was accepted to Notre Dame last week!
So I guess I guess I just wanted to say - your daughter has a great start - let her keep doing what she’s doing. I have a sophmore as well who plays club soccer year round so your post resonated with me!
Good luck!
My D22 is a top student and activist with very, very strong ECs. She also was very passionate about her sport, but over time her EC interests eclipsed her sports interests. Now, the sport is less important.
The thing is, my daughter was passionate about social justice issues very young, like middle school. The ECs developed over time. Just because a person is a good student doesn’t mean that translates into exceptional ECs. Is your daughter doing outside reading about genetics and talking about it at the dinner table? Has she fallen in love with helping underprivileged kids at soccer camp and wants to set up a fundraiser to allow more kids to attend? You will see this passion, these sparks, and then you can help them navigate that into something more concrete. Personally I think working within established organizations is a better path than forming their own nonprofits, etc.
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Does she have any hobbies that she can do on a time off basis?
For example, my kids started walking dogs at the animal shelter. You do it when you can and it turned into a family activity where mom/dad and the two kids did. And you get to love the dogs.
it’s just an example.
Then my wife and daughter also got involved with a refugee resettlement group and spent a few hours each Sunday helping a family adjust to living here. That was great bonding time.
I’m with others - soccer is her love and she’s committed. That’s most important. Bonus points if she grows to be a captain or team leader, etc.
But there’s no need to force things. Maybe school has a club that meets once in a while that interests her. If they don’t, don’t join.
She’s going to do great - just as she is.
Good luck.
As you already know, high GPA and tests scores are not enough to get most kids into a top college. Those are the minimum requirements to even be considered. Ivy+ schools reject many, many kids with perfect SATs, perfect grades, etc., because they are looking for more than proof of academic aptitude.
I recommend a book called Soundbite by Sara Harberson. She was an admissions officer at Penn and now has an online community (Application Nation) where she coaches the masses on college admissions. Soundbite is a little intimidating, but it does really help you and your student figure out ways to present her best self and show what makes her interesting and unique.
The last thing I will say is that I get frustrated with parents who dismiss other kids’ accomplishments as solely parent driven. My older daughter found a passion for service in elementary school, by junior high had created an organization, and in high school received national merit-based scholarships. She is in a cohort of other similarly motivated students from across the country and they do genuinely have self-directed passions at this age.
Not all kids do. My younger daughter does not, and that’s totally ok. We didn’t make something up for her to look good for college admissions, and she did apply to a different set of colleges (despite similar grades) because of it. She isn’t where her sister was at the same age…and that’s ok.
Having seen how much my older daughter does and how hard she works, I get defensive when people like you negate the accomplishments of self-driven teenagers because you haven’t seen it firsthand. It does happen. I am sure I helped a lot less than a parent who pays club sports fees, spends weekends at tournaments, drives to daily practices, etc. She is loved and supported, but it’s her work, not mine.
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Sounds basic, but the paid summer/after school job option is really compelling. I’ve seen it mentioned but AOs and college counselors alike.
Eta: and I don’t mean the internship at a prestigious place that you got through connections. An honest to gosh entry level local job. Retail, restaurant, camp counselor, baby sitting, normal teen stuff.
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My two sons had a few other ECs that they were involved in through school (one did CS team, the other is very into debate team), but they both also played ice hockey year round. One EC they both did was volunteer coach youth hockey teams. This didn’t seem like extra work to them because it’s a sport they love and the little kids hockey schedules aren’t as time consuming as their select and varsity teams.
Perhaps that might be something she’d enjoy…
This, 100 percent. If you’ve had a child that really has this innate need to DO something and the character traits to accomplish it, you don’t say “oh, let them be a kid” and drop it. If a child has a clear musical talent and a deep interest in lessons, would people advise not to pursue it because it would take up free time and thus ruin their childhood? Don’t we want our kids to try to accomplish big things?
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This, too! Really good points!
Your D is really doing great. See if she can find anything more interesting academically like competitive Summer camps etc. There are very few genuine kids that love non-profits. There are exceptions everywhere.
I can totally understand your concern here. I kind of feel the same but slowly realized that this is not going to work out in a long run. Like you , even we’re surrounded by lots of Asian kids where parents do all the ECs for them and prepare the kids how to talk. One of my D’s classmate started a non-profit in 4th grade and her mother did MBA to market her non-profit. Few years later, the mother decided to bring her younger sibling (not sure if she was out of pull-ups by then) and created a subsidiary non-profit and now both sisters get all kinds of awards but not really great academically. The older sibling is still a sophomore. I have to watch how they grow after college.
We’ve another kid who recently graduated with coco-cola scholarship too but struggling at an Ivy. Her biggest EC is Science Fair. It just worked out for her in 7th grade initially and later decided to work on that. Parents spend numerous amount of time researching projects for her and finally boosted her profile. She is an ordinary kid with average grades just few years ago. Parents made her do some dual credit courses online and most of my D’s friends feel her parents completed her online courses too. There is bullying that goes around the school saying " there are 850 students per batch and 850 non-profits/clubs". With all this bullying going within the school circle, my D was never ready to start any club at school. She is trying to explore her interests just outside school.
I see kids who boost their resume with so many ECs that 24 hours a day is not enough. So I decided not to worry about looking their achievements. Just focus on what your D is interested and if you come across any interesting EC activity that she might like and you think she gains some experience from that just encourage her. You will know pretty soon if she really enjoys or not then she can always quit. This is an interesting article in Newyorker magazine during COVID time last year. Hope that makes you feel better.
Is Every Ambitious Teen-ager a “Founder and C.E.O.”? | The New Yorker](Is Every Ambitious Teen-ager a “Founder and C.E.O.”? | The New Yorker)
My MIT kid’s frat had a celebratory dinner for the parents at commencement. We all discovered that most of the kids had worked in fast food during HS (so much for the myth that MIT only cares about robotics, programming, winning international math competitions). The “overachiever” in the group (a truly exceptional young man at the age of 22) had been promoted to shift supervisor, then assistant manager at a national chain, and his parents told the funny story of how his boss said the summer after he graduated HS “Why do you need to go to community college in Massachusetts when you’re on the fast-track to manager with just a HS diploma?”
My kid wrote an essay about how to get grease out of a polyester uniform (punch line- it’s not easy), never started a charity, never did “research”, and had no scholarly citations in articles published in prestigious scientific journals.
OP- it’s gonna be fine!
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Agree with all of the advice about letting her find her path. We were also two-parent working household.
She needs to do things at her pace to avoid burn-out, especially in junior year.
Our son attended a top 10.
He did everything himself.
He asked his sisters, who were away at colleges for advice, when we were unavailable. We gave him a budget for a college and told him that that’s what we could spend.
He filled out all of his applications and would just say, “Mom I need a CC for: college board, college apps.” “Dad I need a check for the Boy Scout fees.”
As a Fall birthday, we held him back in Kinder. I realize that you can’t do this for your daughter now, but we think this may have had something to do with him being admitted.
I believe that the schools look for students with inherent leadership. Which means that it’s not necessarily something that the student seeks, it’s just something that is presented to them by their actions, demeanor and experiences.
Keeping him back was advantageous to him in many ways:
-When he needed to drive to his job, to school, to events, etc.
-When he arrived at his high school, he was coordinated, taller, and stronger, and entered as varsity level on his teams (went with his athletic teams to the state finals).
-His maturity was evident-always picked as team leader/captain. From what I understand, his coaches immediately sensed his maturity and respect.
-His scores were high on his SAT. He missed one question and immediately knew and reported to me which question he had missed it before he came home.
(The principal and the entire staff knew him on a first name basis, and often called on him to introduce new students to the campus.)
From his experience, as well as our daughters’, their entry into their colleges had a lot to do with BALANCE and how they were able to navigate their high school courses and activities.
Sleep and rest were really important!
The most important experience, appeared to me, to be the enjoyment of what they were doing.
I hear you on the soccer, and the Fall HS season is especially tough, because they have practice after school for 2 hours (minimum) every day of the week, unless they have a game. Road games are tough as it’s 2 hours on a bus, and then the 2-3 hours for warmups and game. In the end she gets home those days at 7 or 8 pm and has 3+ hours of homework.
I would think that a college admitting board/person would see that and recognize how much more challenging that time commitment is, but I do fear that many who don’t have the same respect for athletics and team sports may just brush it off as (she doesn’t sound that interesting because the only thing she does is one sport, and we aren’t recruiting her for sports).
Thank you so much for this post. This hits home in so many ways for me (and us).
In fact, my sister-in-law is a Tiger Mom. Her son has been attending robotics competitions at college campuses for years (entirely parent driven and coordinated, but the kid does enjoy it. He would have never thought to do it himself initially). This year he’s a freshman, and she pushed him into Crew/rowing. Another standard top college back door. He’s doing it. He has ZERO athletic ability (trust me), but he is tall, and it’s clearly part of the 15 year plan of building his resume that she has. I’m fairly convinced he will go to an Ivy or equivalent. He’s a very smart kid. But the ECs will be off the charts, because of Mom.
I am eager to read the article as well, since that is my fear (how is every kid a CEO of their own charity??).
My main concern here is not that a school ranked 30-100 is wrong in any way. My older two are at WPI and Binghamton, and they are awesome fits. Both could have done a little better (one turned down better schools in fact). But I also want to not LIMIT my kid by not playing the stupid game - the one that is relevant for 3 years of HS, but affects the rest of someone’s life.
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Trust the AOs - they have experience.
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More importantly, focus on the life of your daughter. Don’t burn her out, over stress her or make this an obsession. It’ll cause her more harm.
There will be wonderful colleges out there for her - both private and public - both expensive and with huge merit. And who knows, maybe she’ll be a recruited athlete.
Honestly, if you were pushing her to spend any more time on more things - and if she’s a sophomore, it’s too soon - is prepping for the SAT/ACT - because even in the world of TO, a high score matters (unless, she’ll be interested in test blind schools like the UCs).
But let her do as she wants. If she asks, what else can she do - throw out things that might be of interest - meals on wheels or walking dogs or things that are low stress but helpful to the community and maybe can involve the family.
But - if you’re obsessing now, it’s going to blow up on you later - soccer scheduling and top academics is probably a stressful enough combo.
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Thank you for the reply. I already do have some regret about nor holding her back. It has been challenging for sports especially. She dominates kids her age, but in HS, many of the kids are older so she’s on equal ground with the older kids. This gives her zero advantage in life, but is a disadvantage in sports. Academically she is strong as well. No issues there. But socially, she would probably be more of a leader if she had been held back. With older kids she is equal. With kids her age …
Thank you! This was a great post, comforting, funny, and inspirational! Thanks for reminding me that the sky isn’t falling.
Why? She has plenty of time to work, so I definitely wouldn’t worry about that. Colleges aren’t going to ding her for not starting work in high school. My kid graduated college in 2020. Born late November, younger than almost everyone in her year. She’s had amazing job offers, works full time now at a highly respected institution and had a very high gpa in college. Her age hasn’t hurt her.
Honestly, try to relax and stop fretting about what others in your community are doing. Your daughter is in a fantastic position. A student who devotes all her time to soccer yet still has a stellar gpa is going to do great no matter where she goes. Her best bet, to me, is to keep up the good work and take time to explore other areas of interest, if she wants to. The anxiety seems to be coming from you and it will be clear to her soon, if it isn’t already. She is going to get into college.
Even at age 14, she can pet sit, babysit, mow lawns, do weeding of gardens, things like that. All summer things.
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Alos, she doesn’t have to be a leader. The world doesn’t just need leaders and colleges don’t want to fill their seats with them. They want listeners and do-ers too.
You might want to read this: