<p>My son has a wonderful group of friends. One in particular, his oldest, closest friend, is acting in ways that has the kids concerned. Several people have tried to confront him about his choices (says son) and he waves it off. </p>
<p>They are all entering college in the fall. This friend is entering a program that drug tests all students. The concern is that the kid is smoking pot, which can be picked up in a cough* m<em>lit</em>ry drug test for several weeks. They are all petrified that this kid will lose his scholarship. </p>
<p>The parents do not seem to be aware of the substance issues--they are usually very strict and hands on but there is another issue distracting them and they have been gone a lot leaving this kid solo in the house with predictable results. He actually said that the (obvious) party residue was due to him leaving his window open and some people entering the house and leaving the mess and the parents appeared to believe him (according to my son). </p>
<p>I can't imagine saying anything and violating my son's trust, but on the other hand when this all comes crashing down on the kid (which it may) and if I could have warned them I will feel terrible.</p>
<p>Alternatively, the military program may be the perfect place for him, as they may be most able to rid him of it.</p>
<p>IF its only pot, and IF the kid values the program, theres a chance that being caught in a drug screen and given the chance to shape up may be the best chance he has.</p>
<p>Mombot, I’m one mom that always appreciates a “heads up” and doesn’t hesitate to give one to other parents if warranted. It’s never been a direct accusation, but just a friendly “thought you would want to know that I’ve heard some of the kids are getting into xxxx and I know your son is friendly with this group” type of thing. There are times when we’re all preoccupied with other issues and may let our radar slip a little. If you know these parents at all, it shouldn’t hurt to alert them so they can watch for (and likely find) signs without mentioning private conversations or your DS.</p>
<p>While it would not be comfortable, I would tell that parent. I believe in natural consequences and reporting it to his parents is one - I would want other parents to tell me if my son were getting into trouble.</p>
<p>Forget about the scholarship concerns…the overall issue is whether to tell another parent when you hear that their kid is smoking pot. What does your son want you to do? If you tell, will he stop confiding in you? Will the other parent care or be able to react without telling her son that it was you (and your son) who told on him? How will that affect your son? All difficult questions…</p>
<p>Since your S and all of his friends are aware of the consequences the subject kid is as well and you said he just ignores attempts by his friends to provide him with info. The parents are apparently disengaged as well. </p>
<p>If this kid is violating the rules of the scholarship he ‘deserves’ to lose it - I’m sure there are others the scholarship funds can go to who are willing to abide by the requirements. Maybe this kid needs the reality check of facing the consequences he’s already aware could result from his actions.</p>
<p>I actually thought about that…and since he left something here and S. is gone for a week I can get him over here and talk to him. </p>
<p>It’s so sad—he has the world’s best parents ™. They have done everything right–when we cut our kids slack they stood firm. The only thing I wonder about is that they did not give him enough leeway for him to learn to make choices and experience consequences–things were always very structured and by the book, although very loving. I worry he did not learn to control his own behavior because somebody was always making the rules for him. I also worry he’s trying to get back at them in some way by acting out and getting kicked out of his program.</p>
<p>Advice on how to bring this up with him? I was thinking of starting with the fact that his friend is worrying about him and we care about him too, and is he prepared for military life because it is a lot different than civilian life.</p>