Thanks kab2kab! I will look into Wabash. We get a lot of stuff from them…I kind of ignored it. I didn’t eve know they had single-sex colleges anymore:) I will check it out. The heavy Greek may be an issue as I amassing like Butler it is on the smaller size. 3 hours is a great distance though:)
Thanks leftrightleft! I know Loras is a great school for kids that are not stereo typical but it tends to be better for kids with academic challenges. I actually have a friend that went there back in the 80s. He has dyslexia and they worked wonders with him. They were way ahead of their time. I have actually recommended it to others. I’m afraid it would not be academically challenging enough for my son.
Hi rosered55! My son actually did a lacrosse camp there when he was in middle school. It is lovely but more of a commuter school. I’m afraid he would just want to come home every weekend. I would like him to grow socially:)
Is a single really needed? It is easy for two roommates to share a space nicely without needing to share their social lives. You do not need to be friends with the roommate, just coexist fairly.
wis75 not sure yet?? There would be great benefits to having a room mate as I would hope he would be more conscience of hygiene and perhaps it may force him to be a little more social. I would love nothing more BUT I can’t just assume that he is going to change his ways. He is a slob (piles of papers and clothes strewn about) and his room always often smells (I think he has washed the same spot of his hair and only that spot for over a year). He also needs a lot of alone time to decompress. When he needs a break he goes out on the trampoline to get his “crazies” out but in the winter i can hear him jumping up and down in his room. He also spends a lot of time in the bathroom in the basement. I don’t really want to know what is going on in there but he is a 17 year old boy. He also takes over 45 minute showers. No matter how much I harp on him for these things, he doesn’t seem to change his ways, This would not be fair to his room mate and I’m afraid he may hate school just for the reason that some of these are the things are what get him through his exams, etc. I’ll have to cross that bridge when I get to it.
Loras, Carroll University (WI), the UW directionals (Eau Claire, Whitewater, Platteville).
I’m on the precipice of sending my quirky kid to college, and like you I believe that it does no favors to keep them sheltered (see my username). My son hasn’t had that much opportunity to sink or swim (and I think he will swim) because I want to make sure he is taken care of. My son is smart, but sometimes has trouble getting distracted from his work and sometimes goes off into major tangents in his writing. And though engaging, he has trouble making conversation and not just talking about whatever is in his head without context.
For all these reasons, I was pleasantly surprised to find there are a number of colleges with specialized services for spectrum kids (they have an additional cost in most cases, but I think it’s a good investment). Rutgers, UCONN, RIT, University of Denver, U of A, and a few other schools that I’d consider top second-tier and then a number of lower tier schools, but still a viable choice. I took a look on their websites and when my son was looking (or when it was time to look, son wasn’t motivated and not feeling like he was ready, to which we said, you should apply to 4 year schools because you can’t just decide in August that you are ready and go, but you could go to Community College as Plan B.) I allowed him to look on his own and he wanted to apply to the Univ of Cal system (Santa Barbara does not have a mature program, but they do have a center for Autism on campus and are branching into serving college students). He also went to a program called College Living Experience in Denver which taught him self-care skills and a little taste of living on campus. Money well spent, and he felt confident in Denver and just liked it and applied to 3 schools in Colorado.
He decided not to apply to Rutgers and U of A, but applied to the other 3 and got into all three. We went to look at RIT and UCONN. I will say that we saw RIT as an Open House on a Saturday and I only got the group shpiel but I got the impression that they thought that miraculously at 18, they would be able to self advocate and that parents should be more hands off. I’m not a helicopter mom despite my username, but I also know that we will need to be involved until he gets his sea legs. On Monday of our visit, my son went to the Husky for a Day program at UCONN where they shadow a student and while he was doing that, I met with the director of the program. I made MY choice that day, the kids need to advocate for themselves with their professors, but they will let them know that he is “one of theirs”. They know it is a partnership and if we have a concern, they expect us to call them. If they sense something’s up and can’t get answers from him, they will call us. If he is not responding to us, and we are all the way across the country, they will reach out to the RA to make a wellness check.
I’m thrilled and nervous to say he has chosen UCONN and we have our fingers crossed that things will go well. He has a bunch of activities that he is planning to get involved in. Our first test is early June when they have a mandatory orientation. I’m a little worried about his organizational skills and getting to and from the airport and switching planes.
My friend has a quirky kid finishing up her first year at RIT. She doesn’t have a diagnosis as my son has, but she foundered a bit in the first semester on her own and has availed herself of the program in spring semester. I think she is doing better, but it is not helping as much as her parents would have liked.
I would be happy to talk to you about our experience, and give an update on how my son is doing in October or November.
I am a Knox alum who graduated in '96. The school has become more liberal, though I do not believe that someone who is conservative would feel uncomfortable there. I am talking about thoughtful conservatives, the kind that a liberal like me admires: David Frum, Nicole Wallace, John Kasich. Those who subscribe to alt-right beliefs would probably not be a good fit, but that’s true at a lot of colleges.
When I attended, the faculty and administration were certainly liberal. I took a class called “Gay and Lesbian Identities.” But the student body was pretty evenly mixed. Conservatives complained that the school was too liberal. Liberals complained that the school was too conservative. I made friends with everyone. It’s my experience that things don’t really get awkward, in or out of the classroom, unless someone is trying to provoke or trying to get attention.
I am still in touch with certain staff members. I also continue to read the student newspaper (which is now online, of course). There was a small flare-up in the fall. Some students refused to participate in the production of a play that they deemed insensitive/racist. When an English faculty member made the suggestion that maybe things shouldn’t be banned, that maybe people should view the play first, then engage in debate, one very, um, passionate student accused the professor of being a bigot. When another professor stepped in to defend her, he was called a Nazi. Keep in mind that this was coming from one intense student, in the comments section of the school newspaper. Still, I couldn’t see this happening when I attended, or even a decade ago.
I’m probably not doing the best job defending my alma mater, but I would not avoid visiting. My sense is that the majority of the student body is thoughtful, hard-working kids. I wouldn’t describe it as VERY (shouting) liberal. It is not Reed or Hampshire or Evergreen State. Knox is down to earth and unpretentious. It remains a grounded Midwestern liberal arts college, albeit one that has a more passionate activist streak.
Thanks for the info overbearing mom!. This is all very helpful! I have done some extensive research on this. Auburn, Drexel, UCONN, Rutgers, U of I and a bunch of others keep popping up on lists. But as you said, most of them need the child to self-advocate and since my son is afraid to go up and ask for BBQ sauce at McDonald’s (he sends my younger son) I know there is no way he will ever advocate for himself. Even with my incessant hounding, he can’t ever ask his Calc teacher for help.
In my neck of the woods, Michigan State and the University of Iowa supposedly have a good reputation in helping kids with all sorts of disabilities. They at least show up at local meetings and say that they do. Not sure if they can specifically help my sons needs, however. I was planning on looking into to these but my fear after reading several old posts on this website is that a lot of those schools say they can offer such accommodations but somehow kids like mine fall through the cracks as their issues are a lot less academic and have a lot more to do with disorganization, poor time management and just plain social awkwardness. Kind of like your friend’s experience with RIT. Specifically, if they are being sent across the county…it seems as if people tend to warn they they often “crash and burn” without the parent as an advocate or the parent being able to do the occasional check-in. For that reason I stopped looking at those lists and started focusing on schools closer to home. You know your son, however, and I hope he is a success story. I’m sure there are many, I was just getting freaked reading some of the negative stories. In my heart I do think my son will swim as he does manage to get things done when I am not available. I have a feeling he will step up to the plate. It’s good to know that you felt right away that UNCONN can offer your son the best of both worlds. I will definitely put UCONN on my list and would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to hear how he is doing come fall.
I have a friend that just went out to visit U of Denver. My fear is that it probably attracts more of the liberal, pot smoking, partying type and that is definitely not my son. I think Rutgers would be way too big. 50,000 undergrads just seems overwhelming. Iowa is a little smaller at 20,000 kids but the campus is sprawling. Michigan state is big but supposedly has a small campus feel. I don’t remember it that way but I keep hearing that over and over so it may be worth a look.
Thanks for the info on College Living Experience! Is that at the U of Denver?? I agree that it would be money well spent. I am planning on sending him to a 4 day academic session at U of Illinois in June just so he can get a feel for the big campus experience. A life Skills camp would be fantastic…that is what he really needs to be prepared.
CLE Summer Experience is at what is called Auraria campus Denver. I believe they room at Metro State (which is a 2 year school and CLE has a 2 year program during the school year for kids who aren’t ready for a 4 year school but you want them to start living independently. A friend of my mom’s from here had their son there and then he transferred to a top tier or second tier school (I can’t remember which one). They have other locations during the school year, not sure if they are 2 year programs or if they are residential programs from which a kid could attend a 4 year school. www.experiencecle.com is the website. There is also a program called CIP, College Internship Program and again, I’m not sure if it’s residential that would help local area schools. We didn’t have a personal recommendation and found out about it this year but haven’t checked it out. www.cipworldwide.org
If your son won’t advocate for himself at all, you may want to rethink how far away from home you want to send him to start. Sometimes asynchronous kids are just not ready to launch out to a live full time college experience right at 18. Or if he’s really excited about that as a possibility and you think it may be motivating for him, make sure your budget allows for 5-6 years and a possible transfer just in case. I know a couple aspie kids that had to come back home their first year and it was rough on their psyche. It may have been better to just try something close to home first.
And I think it’s a mistake to equate liberal with pot smoking and partying. I know some very straight laced kids finding a home at smaller LAC’s that definitely are not the party hard type but lean politically liberal. It does help to have a kid that is willing to stretch a bit and join some clubs and groups to connect to other like minded students.
overbearingmom thanks for the info! I will check it out:)
re post # 24. Sounds like a normal teen boy to me. The sloppiness, long showers, need for down time (that is true for all introverts), ignoring parents…
I worried about son’s messiness in college, especially when he was to share an apartment with friends. ALL of them were slobs. Freshman dorm- empty bookshelf and towel bar, the stuff on chair/bed/floor. I had worried about son waking up in time since at home the LOUD alarm (we heard down the hall) went unheard (deep sleeper) but he was motivated in college and had no problem.
If our son follows his parents’ path he will be over 30 when he meets his future spouse. Not everyone falls into the 1-2 standard deviations on the Bell curve.
Muskatparent thanks for the input. That is what I’m trying to sort out. Hoping to hear some stories of parents with kids that have had good experiences (or bad) at certain schools and in certain situations. As one parent pointed out, there are schools that have programs in place that help kids like my kid. Unfortunately, most of them are not in my backyard. Trying to weigh the pros and the cons. Good point on the 5-6 year plan. I kind of figured 5.
And yes there are a lot of LACs that have plenty of non-party types but with kids that lean politically left. I personally love a lot of LACs but neither of those scenarios would work for my son. Honestly, I wish he would come out of his shell a bit and become a little bit of a partier (just a little for social reasons). I had a high school friend that went to Carleton. He was about as up tight as one could get. He wore bow ties to school. I saw him the summer after freshman year and I couldn’t believe that he was wearing moccasins and had hair past his shoulders. He was a lot more fun! I just saw him recently at a HS reunion and I told him about my son and how I would love for him to go someplace like Carlton or Grinell (not that he could in to those schools but someplace like one of those schools would be great). I may be naive, but in my mind I see kids at these LACs being a lot less judgmental about ones appearance and more interested in the person themselves. I wish he was a little more politically liberal…it would make this a lot easier. I asked if he would ever consider a school that tended to be a bit more liberal and he said most likely not. And since politics have become a major interest to him as of late, I have to respect that. He is not an in you face conservative but he also likes to talk politics and this may ostracize him a bit more in a small more liberal setting. In this day and age anyhow:)
Metro State is not a 2 year school but a full university with about 25,000 students. It does share a campus with Community College of Denver and has some overlap with CU-Denver (but most of CU-Denver is a little more toward downtown). There is very little housing on the Metro campus as most students are commuters.
U of Denver is not a bunch of pot smoking liberals. It is in fact a little more conservative than other schools in Colorado might be considered. I think it is a great school for a lot of reasons. Students have access to the entire city because it is on the light rail system, has a few good sports teams (not football), students can do internships or co-ops downtown (on the rail line), has a great rec center, hosts a lot of conferences, good study abroad. It is the right size IMO at about 8000. It’s in a nice area of town.
Check out Lawrence and Ripon in Wisconsin too.
Outlier Hillsdale in Michigan touts its political conservatism and D.C. connections, but I don’t know if it fits w/asperger-related issues.
Knox, Beloit, Olaf all participate in federally-funded TRIO Program, which is a comprehensive student-retention academic services program for low income, 1st generation, and LD students, which includes students w/exec functioning-related diagnoses. Look it up on Dept of Ed web-site for participating schools.
I’d shy away from Kenyon and Grinnell. Grinnell had a weird “jocks vs nerds vs townies” vibe several years ago. Kenyon has lots of East Coast kids who didn’t get into New England preppy colleges. Generally, the farther west the Midwest LAC is located, the more down-home the vibe.
thanks for clearing that up @twoinanddone. I only lived in Denver for 3 years and my mother did not allow us to apply in-state. DU is ridiculously expensive for OOS though, and that doesn’t include the extra program, though the program isn’t THAT expensive. My son got merit aid of $25K + $3K off of housing and it still was going to cost us $44k. It’s a private school, so that is to be expected. I did want him to seriously consider it since we have relatives there, but he really liked UCONN.
Oh @gatspygirl I feel your pain! Your son’s stats are similar to my oldest son’s, who is also HFA. Very smart but eh, apathetic about school (because it’s what others say he should do). We walked back expectations and put all options on the table. Work a year to mature, go to CC until he was serious about school, or…go to a 4y college. He chose 4y college, was positive about this. Ok. Because of his test scores and hs (like yours, it has a superior reputation so the middling gpa was probably not that huge a ding), he was accepted to a number of good engineering programs. He chose OSU w scholarship. Yay right? Er nope. He’s HFA, incapable of advocating for himself. I spoke with the Office of Disabilities and he was registered with them. What I only figured out too late is that they did not have resources to hand-hold a college student. They’re there for kids who self-advocate. As stress increased, son turtled (common with Aspies, which I’d thought they’d understand!), and things spiraled. I felt betrayed because the school hadn’t told me that they couldn’t help him if he couldn’t help himself! Telling me they’d “help him” and then not doing anything… Argh never mind. Point being it was a large institution with too many kids, weed out courses (engineering admitted too many students), and they didn’t care about individual students. I desperately wish we’d had him go to a smaller school with real supports for an Aspie. He hated it-never fit in, even with the engineering students who partied and got drunk (which he didn’t do). We visited CWRU recently. I would think it might be a good fit for your son because it has a high concentration of engineers (many are Aspie) and female biology majors (eh hem, from personal experience, I’d say they are proudly nerds), as well as many humanities majors. An interesting and unique mix. I don’t know anything about their supports but would think a smaller uni would be more nurturing (than large state schools). Good luck! And remember that, ultimately, what you want is for your child to find his Happy, no matter the path. (Spoiler: my son didn’t like college-OSU-so dropped out but was smart enough to find a job as a software engineer as a 20yo, and has been doing that for >2 ys, living on his own. I could what-if til I’m blue in the face but he’s happy and that’s the best. Still, I’m starting the decision-making process all over again with ds#2 and the thoughts I wrote above are what I’m keeping in mind. Not a single large state school on the list for my younger Aspie (ok, one, but that would be local and I could support him myself).
Self-advocacy is a huge challenge for many kids and especially those on the spectrum or with executive functioning issues. To be successful in college, and in the work force, addressing the ability to understand that they have a need, verbalize that need to themselves first, then maybe to someone else, and actually act on it, combined with mastering a certain level of executive functioning is critical. And really really hard for these kids, or at least many of them.
Spectrum programs, well run ones, do offer coaching assistance in these areas. But they will never be at the level a parent is while the child is at home. Nor should they be as their goal is to assist in getting a child launched.
Kids on the specturm will not just grow up, figure it out and mature on their own, or grow as a person on their own in the same way a nerotypical student would. HF ASD/Aspie kids will appear smart but lazy and while that is a valid societal perception of activity, it is also viewed through the neurotypical lens. Unable to process, is not the same thing as lazy, even though it might look like that to the beholder. Different does not mean incapable, but it does mean different and sometimes it can be hard to really keep that at the forefront of thinking.
I would ask what is being done now to help him prepare for this next step and consider spending time and energy on that now, as you try to refine a list. Does he self identify with his diagnosis? Therapy or support groups or a 504 now? What has worked/hasn’t worked?
I have a recently diagnosed HFA ASD kid with executive functioning issues as well, also a junior. We are focused on improving his skills now as much as possible and what type of improvement we see, will dictate the list and ultimate decision as to where we will allow him to attend. He will be working with an executive functioning educational coach beginning in August on a weekly basis, and currently has weekly therapy. Therapy has helped quite a bit but it is a slow process.
We are considering remote schools that have known sucessful support programs such as RIT, Drexel and CSU. All offer coaching and check ins, which he needs. “Regular” support services through disability offices are not well suited to this. They may offer assistive technology, note takers, and preferential room/housing assignments which can all help depending on the need but that is not the same as a weekly or twice weekly check in that has a plan to “age” them out of the support. For us, Co Op programs, which will force social interaction in a safe environment, especially combined with support programs we feel will be the most helpful for his long term success. Bear in mind that the need for social interaction that an Aspie or HFA kid may want, or need, can be quite different than most. We are also looking at local schools that would allow him to keep using the executive functioning coach and have either the ability to come home on weekends as needed or commute however his preference (and ours) is to have a roommate as he recognizes this is an area he needs to work on. For us those are in the Seattle area.
In your situation, based on what you currently describe, I would be concerned about a large school without a formal program (Wisconsin, Purdue, Illinois). Classes are large, homework is required with generally no late grace periods and those are big challenges for many aspie kids. Falling through the cracks, is likely. Small schools may or may not mean hand holding. Generally they will expect kids to self advocate so even though they might call the kids out in class, know them and have a much deeper connection, they will not make sure he does his homework. Advisors (good ones) are wonderful for things like class selection and overall guidance but not for the day to day grades, homework, remembering to eat, do laundry kind of things. There are a few reasons Aspie kids don’t do homework but I wouldn’t necessarily chalk it up to laziness. However, to be successful in college, they do have to do it. I’d also caution you to count on other kids. Just because there are other kids “like” him, doesn’t mean they will reach out. Just because a school has a building for tutoring, doesn’t mean they force the kids to go. Resources are a wonderful thing but the student has to take advantage of them on their own. I know with my son, even when he knows something would help, and that’s it is available it is incredibly incredibly difficult for him to request it. It is not that he doesn’t want it. But there is a block.
In our case we will need our S to buy in to the fact that he needs help and own it. He does have some self awareness and therapy is helping. He is also admittedly a bit more extroverted than your S sounds like, though he really only has one close friend. If he cannot or will not own his needs, he will be limited to one of the 3 local options and really to me, only one of those is a good fit (Seattle U). While he has some on his list that “he” likes, I am more and more convinced that they will not have the support he needs and as all are remote, in my mind, they are off (Santa Clara, Macalester and Northern Arizona).