<p>As indicated by POIH’s post, the additional expenses you can expect to pay are to a large degree under your control. My D is making due with one laptop for four years (POIH’s D must be using hers to pound nails into the wall if it only lasts a year), one not-so-smart cell phone, no Greek participation (no that she would have wanted it), and she must pay for all entertainment, including off campus dining, from her own part-time job. I think OP has to expect that her ex will be paring the expected costs down to the bone, and luxuries will be off the table.</p>
<p>Call the financial aid office of the school. They can give you the precise total COA for the school for the upcoming school year for a young woman in her situation. That is the maximum amount of PLUS you could borrow and is the max that is allowed in federal aid situations. Also ask for estimates as to what the increases have been each year in that figure.</p>
<p>I’m confused. It seemed in the original post that a defined amount was agreed upon. Is that not the case?</p>
<p>Depending on your daughter’s major books can range. An English major can likely get books used for $200/semester. A econ or bio major, who needs to buy new-edition textbooks, could easily spend $600/semester.</p>
<p>Ask your D to get a work study job to cover discretionary expenditures. Most LACs have a wage scale posted online so you can see how much she would need to work and how much she’d get paid. If she’s not a big spender, even 5 hrs a week at $10/hr would cover her. Most high achieving students I knew at my LAC had jobs - even when they didn’t “need” them for the money, and they were more for personal growth or enjoyment (tour guide means you get to brush up on your public speaking skills, major department admin assistant means you get to know all the profs in the major quite well on a more personal level than class, RA means you get to get involved with planning residential events and have a better room, etc). This does NOT have to be onerous - since college classes are spaced out, if she has a 10am and a 2pm class, and “covers the phones” for a departmental office between 12 and 1 so the admin can get lunch, it’s not a lot of skin off her nose but definitely pays back. She can also reasonably expect to make some of her spending money in the summer.</p>
<p>All of this depends on where she is - an out of the way LAC where freshman don’t have cars, for example, will offer her less opportunity to spend than something in the middle of a city. One way you can save money if she’s not bringing a car is to get her listed as an “occasional driver” on your auto insurance policy. My parents did this and the cost of insurance went way down.</p>
<p>She may need fees for particular courses - especially art and music classes. Sometimes, if she wants to take private music lessons, there may be a fee for that. There is typically a health services fee charged by the university. Late night dining, if she’s a night studier, could add up. If she’s at a college where the meal plan is points based, as opposed to all inclusive, really have her look at how much she eats - a lot of kids end up with way too many meal points, there’s no monetary refund for the parents, so they end up buying 83 packs of Dentyne Ice on the last day to use points, like my sister did.</p>
<p>Sometimes, there are fees associated with orientation activities (especially if there is a trip involved). If these activities have a high participation rate, it would probably be beneficial to go, so check to see if there is anything like that for her first year.</p>
<p>ETA -</p>
<p>The only place I’ve ever seen profs require smart phones is med school. She definitely doesn’t need one, though she might want one. I don’t know anyone in college who got a laptop a year - but you SHOULD budget for whatever optional extended warranty is offered with the laptop. Something will break, and it will need to get fixed.</p>
<p>Before buying a printer, see if the college allows students x number of free pages printed at the library or student union. A lot of schools allow a certain number of printed pages per semester, based on the major. (I guess it is built into the tuition/fees). Your student would have to walk to the library or student union to be able to print, and that may or may not be convenient. </p>
<p>It might also be workable for roommates to share a printer and take turns buying the ink. As in, one brings the printer (and owns it outright) and the other one brings the microwave (and owns it outright).</p>
<p>“I’m confused. It seemed in the original post that a defined amount was agreed upon. Is that not the case?”
Yes, cartera45, my ex and I had agreed to a specific amount that each of us would deposit into the college account. Any and all costs over this amount, I would pay for myself. Now, my ex is refusing to put in his part of the agreed-upon amount. I just want to estimate, as accurately as possible, the true amount I will be paying yearly. I am doing this, so I will be prepared when I enter the negotiation, in case he offers to pay his 1/2 of the yearly costs, up until the time when the college fund gets used up (at which point, I pay the rest).
I hope that I’m being clear.</p>
<p>To all posters: I just logged on and read all your helpful messages. Thank you!!</p>
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<p>Pardon me if this has already been stated…I haven’t read this whole thread.</p>
<p>Those “hidden costs” would include personal expenses, books, travel and the like. To be honest, we never found that those were “quite high” and they were also areas where the student could economize.</p>
<p>As noted by others, the costs of those “other expenses” is often itemiized out in the Cost of Attendance for the schools. Since those are the published amounts, I would suggest the OP use them. Either that, or be prepared to justify why the amounts your child is spending woudl be “quite high” in relation to what the college publishes.</p>
<p>We found that the books/personal expenses/travel allowances were VERY generous in both of our kids’ colleges cost of attendance.</p>
<p>OP…I really do hope that you get that money…with interest…into your daughter’s account…as was agreed upon when you divorced. And I hope HE ends up having to pay YOUR lawyers fees too…can you ask for that? This is not an expense you would have needed to have if he had done what was agreed upon from the get go.</p>
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<p>Just an fyi to the poster who made this suggestion…work study is awarded to students with financial need. This OP clearly stated that the student won’t have financial need. However, I would say that having a job was an expectation in this house for discretionary spending as well.</p>
<p>keciac…there is really nothing to barter about. I can’t imagine a judge not awarding you exactly what you are seeking…you should get your legal expenses back also. I am assuming your ex has the means to pay this money. A judge may even award you more based on his jerkism. And yes judges do this. I have been through it and my best friend three years ago, took her ex to court because he failed to disclose a $250,000 bonus. It was a huge stock payout and their decree clearly stated that for the first 5 years of their divorce, all bonuses he received (she was SAHM) would be split 50/50. He never disclosed the bonus and when the accountant she hired (the same accountant who was her marital accountant) accidently (maybe on purpose…lol) put a copy his tax return in the envelope with hers, she discovered he had taken this bonus. The judge was so 100% ****ed, he awarded her the whole amount.</p>
<p>thumper1,
Thanks for your good wishes. And, I HAD decided to insist that he pay any lawyer fees. I am so tired of everyone bending over backwards, myself included, for him. I’ve realized that the only way that issues finally do get resolved with him is when I reassert the boundaries very strongly; it’s the old thing about bullies having no true grit. But, he can, at times, act like the good man that he can be…and, then I get fooled again. OK…I will stop ranting now…</p>
<p>Good luck to you OP! It’s a real PITA when they don’t do what they negotiated on the decree. Been there, done that. Hold him to it–it’s his kid and responsibility too.</p>
<p>Glad I’m not the CPA in post 28. Accidental (or not), it’s probably an ethics violation and a lawsuit in the making. A good example of why not to retain both clients after a divorce…</p>
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<p>You’re right I misspoke. Just a campus job. I was just trying to make it clear that there are lots and lots of students, including ones with no financial “need” for a job, that get them while in college.</p>
<p>OP
If you want to leave yourself lots of negotiating room, you can try to claim a new laptop every year year. No one will believe it (student insurance is cheaper than that- and will cover damage to a laptop). Maybe you can add the large alcohol budget that would be necessary to cause someone to stumble across and break the laptop monitor every year. Dont forget to put the hangover meds and shot glasses in the budget too ;)</p>
<p>collegeshopping…I bet you’re right about the potential award from a judge. What I suspect, from past experience w/ my ex, is that his antipathy to appearing in front of a judge will have him agreeing to pay the amount he legally promised. I don’t know, though, if he has the money to pay it; paying 1/2 of my D’s yearly FULL costs (until he hits the total that he agreed to contribute - which will happen in about year 2 1/2 of the 8 years of college tuition for my 2 D’s), might be the only solution. He’s run through his money pretty quickly, I think. In a way, I’d love to have him be forced to pay for his “jerkism”, but 1: I feel a bit sorry for him (and I know that that’s foolish, but I can’t quite help it; he does also have good qualities), and 2: I will be able to carry my 2 d’s education costs, and I want to just get this done w/out them having to hear their father talking about it when he sees them.
PS: The story you related sounds like a classic divorce story. In my kids’ younger years, I had friends who passed on information to me that they thought was important (about issues relating to the kids). I appreciated that tremendously.</p>
<p>sryrstress…Thanks. “Been there, done that”…when I think back sometimes, it’s exhausting! I’m very glad that, as the kids get older, he and I can have less and less to do with each other.</p>
<p>It’s nice to hear from other divorced parents.</p>
<p>Thanks again.</p>
<p>jym626… Actually, I was hoping that my D will be able to use her 3 year old laptop throughout her 4 college years. Uh oh…</p>
<p>I don’t plan to pad the estimated costs; just don’t want to be naive about the costs, in case we do negotiate. </p>
<p>Re a job at college: The poster was correct that my daughter has not received any Financial Aid, and therefor won’t be able to get a work-study job. She does plan to find work at college, if there are any jobs left on campus. She has no car, and will be on a campus in the country.</p>
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<p>I think this is your non-negotiable position, especially if it was documented in your divorce agreement.</p>
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<p>You made choices in how you structured your original settlement agreement that you felt were the best for your peace of mind, even though financially they weren’t the most advantageous to you. This second option, where you have to hound your ex for his contribution every quarter or semester, seems counter to your original plan. Wouldn’t the best solution be one in which you can minimize your interactions with him? Only you can know what the best balance would be, but if it were me I’d insist that the original agreement is still in effect, deposit the money NOW. Surely a judge would back you up.</p>
<p>Now to your original question, I’ve found that published COAs are a good starting point, but much depends on how careful the student is with money. And how much they eat. One of the biggest expenses is extra food. The cost of books can generally be kept within reason by buying used and selling them at the end of the term. Travel expenses can be estimated by looking at airfares, and reduced by planning ahead for flights as much as possible.</p>
<p>Good luck :)</p>
<p>Thanks, vballmom.</p>
<p>I appreciate how well you understood my situation. </p>
<p>My first line of action will be to insist on ex’s following the original agreement in the divorce. The problem is that I really don’t know if, at this point, he has the available funds to put in the whole amount. This is where my tentative Plan B would come in: I figure out, as closely as possible, what the FULL cost for each college year will be; by a set yearly date, he will deposit his 1/2 of that amount. I am VERY concerned about having to hound him thereafter (for D’s Sophomore year: for his whole contribution of 1/2 the total cost - and then for her Junior year: his contribution will be about 1/4 of the full year’s cost - at that point, his legal monetary responsibility will have been fulfilled). That’s why I’m using a lawyer to advise me, fine tune my ideas, and communicate with my ex. I am meeting with my lawyer on Friday; this is why I’m trying to gather all information about real costs for that meeting. To safeguard from the need to hound, I’m thinking that an automatic date for deposit could be set up; if the $ are not deposited, this will trigger an automatic repercussion of some sort…I know: I probably sound awfully naive; this is where I will really need a lawyer’s advise. Because, even as I write about Plan B, I see that it could well put me, next year, right back where I find myself now, fighting for the next check. </p>
<p>The original choices that I made in my divorce settlement proved to really be the best for me, and I assume that the best decision now would be to get tough and go for the full amount (plus interest, plus any lawyer’s fees). I just don’t know if I’ll be able to stick with that, if it means his having to take out a loan, on top of his supposedly difficult financial situation (but, he’s always complained about “difficult financial status”, while spending his money in what I consider foolish and excessive ways). But, again, I might be being extraordinarily naive, and falling back into old ways of thinking in dealing with him, ones which I thought that I had moved beyond years ago. </p>
<p>So, I’ll just see what my lawyer advises, and then will attempt to act in a responsible but humane way.</p>
<p>I will look at the college’s COA. My daughter and I will sit down, sometime this summer, and go over all the possible costs and put parameters around them. Yesterday, I spoke with someone in the admissions office about costs, and will contact the college’s financial office for much more specific answers.</p>
<p>Thanks for your help!</p>
<p>If he doesn’t have the money now, take him to court anyhow and let them garnishee his wages until it’s paid off, or make him sell property. I agree that you should not get into an ongoing “negotiation” with him over how much needs to get paid each semester.</p>
<p>I know little about domestic law, but if his financial situation has changed since the divorce decree, is he able to file for a change in the agreement because of a change in circumstance? My recollection is that either party can ask for a change when circumstances have changed - loss of job for example. Obviously, OP’s attorney would know this.</p>
<p>RE: Laptops
I’d recommend budgeting for 2 per child for the college years; for all 3 of ours, their high school graduation gift laptop died during their college senior years :/</p>
<p>If your Ex doesn’t have the money (or says he doesn’t), he needs to take out a loan – something lots of parents of college students do to pay college expenses. “Doesn’t have the money” means he has chosen to spend the money on other stuff instead of following the court-ordered decree.</p>
<p>Don’t know if your daughters will have spring break-related expenses, either to someplace fun or on a service trip. Also, depending on where they go to college, a dependable vehicle might be a need, either to get back and forth from school to home, or to have a job or internship.</p>