So I am a first-year college student and beginning my second semester of college. My first semester did not go very well at all. I ended up struggling in my classes way more than I expected. I never was able to keep track of my grades because they were never posted, or constantly updated throughout the semester. At the same time it is also very much my fault because I knew many of my tests did not go well, but because of shame, I dismissed them and just put them away out of sight. I ended up failing one of my classes and currently have a 1.4 GPA as well as being on academic probation meaning I essentially have to get better grades this spring semester in order to not lose my financial aid and not get suspended. In high school, I never was close to doing this poorly but I understand that college is a much bigger ballgame. During this Christmas winter break, however, My mother asked to see my grades and I was way too embarrassed and ashamed of how poorly I did that I couldn’t tell her the truth so I made up lies and said I did better than I really did. I’m afraid to tell her the truth because I know how upset she would be and the pressure she puts on me to get good grades kills me. I am currently retaking precalc which is the class that I failed but I’ve always struggled with math and along with that I have college Physics which I know will also be a difficult class. In order for me to be out of probation, I have to finish with at least above a 2.0 and I’m nervous about how I will be able to do well in those classes this time around. I really just need advice on what I should do. I feel lost and have a lot of anxiety. Thank you for reading.
Be truthful and tell your mom your situation.
Definitely be truthful with your mother but also tell her what you will be doing differently to ensure you will succeed - going to office hours, study sessions, tutoring, etc…
Well I agree with those who posted above this one but also know that it is a difficult thing to do. It might be easier for you to write your mom a note or an email explaining that you want her to be proud of you and that you know how important grades are to her. You can explain that you didn’t know how to tell her your grades because you felt ashamed and knew she’d be disappointed. Then you could also tell her what you plan to do in an effort to improve. It may seem braver to say these things in person but it is also harder. And, ultimately what you want is for her to know the truth. Also let her know that you were working hard and the steps you did take to try to do better but that you will take different steps in addition in the upcoming semester. I’m sure she will be rooting for you.
Also, seek out support at your school. use their resources. Talk to an academic advisor. You also might want to seek out help from a counselor to get you over the hump early in the semester. Don’t just sit on your angst. There is a reason schools have resources-they are there for you to use. And they can be very helpful.
If you can replace the physics class until you’re on firmer ground with the math, that might be a good idea. I’m assuming you’ve already set up regular appointments with the math tutoring center and the advising center/student success office, but if not, make that a priority.
And ultimately, your mom is going to be your biggest cheerleader, so do the hard work of being honest. Sure, she’ll probably be upset at first, but mothers want their kids to succeed, and she might even be helpful for keeping yourself on track in the spring.
- Tell your parents your true situation. They won't be happy but you'll not have to lie and hold the truth from them. That alone can weigh heavily on your mind.
- Choose classes that you can be successful in. That would mean delaying the physics class until later.
- Get involved in a study group for each of your classes. You'll learn the subject better, make friends and actually have some fun while studying.
- Make use of the professor's office time to ask for help.
- Manage your time, school comes first. That doesn't mean no fun time, just work before play.
- Think about what caused the bad grades.
Did you go to class?
Did you read the book?
Did you not study enough?
Did you party too much?
Did you work too much?
Did you play sports too much?
Did your HS not prepare you?
When you had the first bad test…what did you do? The same?
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Understand that at college, for every 1 hour in the classroom, you are expected to study/read/do homework for 2-3 hours. So a 3 credit class should require 6-9 hours outside the classroom per week. So for a typical 15 credit semester, that is a full time job of school and outside reading etc.
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Understand that colleges want you to succeed. Colleges have many tools/programs to help you.
Professor office hours. Professors literally are sitting in their offices having set aside time to help you on that class.
Tutors: Your college has a free tutoring center
Writing or Math Centers -
You have to tell your parents the truth. So first think about 1) above and what the real problems were. Think about 3) and your plan for the future. They have to know because you may have to go to school longer.
"Mom, I need to talk to you about college. I told you things went better than they really did. (show her your grades). I was ashamed of myself and how I did. I have been thinking about it and I think what happened in precalc is that I both convinced myself that I am bad at math, but still thought I could or had to do it on my own so I wouldn’t be bad at math. I also spent as much time on homework as I did in HS. I realize now that more time is expected and there are free tutors and that my professors have office hours twice a week where I can get help. I also realize I need to do extra problems to really understand the material. I am going to have to take Pre-calc again.
I will make up for those credits by taking a summer class.
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Read this for more ideas http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1920853-college-is-a-step-up-from-hs-16-tips-on-doing-well-in-college.html
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Set yourself up for success. What is your major? If you can’t do pre-calc, why are you taking Physics? Are you in a STEM major? If not, take some other kind of science.
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Talk to your advisor about what classes you should be taking.
The others are giving great advice for your situation with your family. I’ll instead focus on this upcoming term’s classes. If I were your advisor, I’d ask you to not take physics next term, if you suspect that physics will be a difficult class. I’d suggest that you consider taking only classes you feel you can do quite well in, alongside the pre-calc class you’re retaking. That you also consider only taking the minimum amount of credits to remain full time, so you have extra time for that pre-calc class. Your goal is to do well this semester, so you can stay in school; that means you may need to rearrange your classes to maximize your chances of doing that.
Please meet with the people in the tutoring center the week that classes start. Work with a math tutor at least once per week for the entire term. Some people also find forming a study group with others in their tough class can be helpful. If you do this, meet frequently - once a week, for example.
You may also want to talk to the tutoring center about the other resources they have for you in terms of overall study skills, exam taking techniques, note taking techniques, etc. And if you need help with whatever went wrong last term beyond study skill issues, please talk to a counselor in student health services.
If you have any writing intensive classes, use the school writing center if you have one. If any department tutoring is offered, take advantage of it. Another vote to delay physics if you can.
What you did first semester isn’t working. First things first, fess up to your mom, right now. The longer you leave it, the worse you are going to feel. Rip off the bandaid and get that over with. Yes, she’ll be disappointed. But she’ll still love you, and she will be far more concerned that you felt you couldn’t tell her. As a parent, I know this is true. I’d far rather know that you are having hard time, because maybe I can help you, even if it’s only to say “I love you and I understand how you feel. I support you no matter what.”
Secondly, you need to do what @bopper suggested. It’s called earning a degree for a reason. You delay physics and do whatever you must do to get your GPA up. Tutoring center, office hours, doing all the reading, doing all the assignments, studying a lot, and playing when the other stuff is done. PRIORITIZE your education. You might have a tough semester. At least it will be less tough than feeling badly about yourself. Good luck.