Need serious advice with life and college

College Life
1

<p>hi there,
Let me introduce myself before i pose to you my problem. I am 18 and a native of chicago; i am an asian american.</p>

<p>Now to be short and sweet, i decided going to school down south, one of the best schools in the country in terms of overall recruitment after graduation. I have been here since august and i tried my best to give it a chance and tried to make friends every chance i got, but half of the entire semester is gone and i am in the same situation as i came in, alone with no one to talk too. </p>

<p>I could handle that if that was just the case, but that is just the small stuff. I get verbally abused on a daily basis. Most of the kids here are white and preppy. To be exact, the majority of the student body (i think around 80 something percent) is white. That is no problem for me but it seems that they have excluded and marginalized me by what i wear, what music i listen too, my accent (deep chicago accent), and my appearance. To define some of those things more precisely i am 5'8 and under 120lbs, i wear skinny jeans because other jeans make my legs look like poles with shower curtains wrapped around them. </p>

<p>When ever i walk past someone, i get "hipster" whispered under the voice as to induce some sort of slur. They say it to offend. I also get called fag, gay, etc. I have my earphones on and i don't say anything but my roommate and company (entire building), make fun of me right in front of my face, but they say "oh he can't hear us he has his ipod on" to justify their actions. I get called nerd, faggot, etc. They even started lecherous rumors about me because i take long showers. It was absurd. </p>

<p>All in all, i feel marginalized, hated, humiliated, and scared. I have thought of doing something drastic just last night, and it scared me so i contacted our schools mental health services and had an appointment today, which did not help. I feel like i am trapped, i dont know if i can hold out 9 more weeks. I don't know what effects being in an emotional environment like this will do to me over the course of time. I want to drop out and start over even if it has to be at a community college. What will it say on my transcripts? and i had to take a small private loan to attend this school, what will happen to that? I am not failing my classes, i just have very mediocre grades and it is hard for me to concentrate while i am feeling this way.</p>

<p>In the words of one of the first ipod commercials: "should i stay or should i go?" Will it be a serious detriment to my future if i leave and attend a community college for 2 years?</p>

<p>to answer mushaboomblue's question of whether i like this school or not. Academically speaking; i love my professors and the classes are interesting, if it weren't for the students i would really like this place. I have never hated anything in my life til now which is this school. I would rather not say my schools name but we are in the top 50. That narrows it down alot, since not many are from the south.</p>

2

<p>If it is that bad, transfer next semester. It would be better if you stuck it out the semester so you wouldn’t have a W on your transcript. But, if it is serious enough leave now. You could try to get a medical leave of absence- you obviously have had emotional problems because of the environment. A friend of mine did that. You are going to have to pay the loan back regardless. Money wise, if you paid for the whole semester, it would be a financial burden to withdraw and have no college credits. Regardless of what people say, you have to decide if you can honestly make it through another couple of weeks. You can try and change to fit in better, if you want to stay. Looking like a hipster and not being a hipster is never a good thing. A lot of people don’t like hipsters, and I would think the south is less accepting/open minded. Lifelong southerners sometimes have a thing against yankees. I think it’s a cultural, north-south thing. You could ask for help from the school, especially with the wave of anti bullying after a couple of heavily covered suicides. </p>

<p>People suck, they are shallow, and a lot of the time they don’t realize they are hurting others feelings. I doubt you would get that type of treatment up north. My school is filled with asians and hipsters, and a fair amount of asian hipsters, and everybody coexists peacefully. </p>

<p>What school do you attend?</p>

3

<p>I’m glad that you didn’t do anything drastic and that you contacted your health services. Do not do anything to yourself because of your classmates. Please?</p>

<p>Apparently your classmates didn’t learn ANYTHING in the news for the past two weeks or so, which infuriates me greatly.</p>

<p>In general, do you like the school that you go to? If people making you feel uncomfortable are effecting your school performance and overall being, maybe you should consider transferring. It is having extreme effect on your mental being. It is a shame that you might have to resort to this. </p>

<p>For the time being, you should continue to reach out and bring this to the attention to any offices at your school such as social justices or for mental being. Definitely see if you can get in contact with someone to expose this issue because you might not be the only one.</p>

<p>Hang in there and be safe for the time being.</p>

4

<p>I feel very sorry that you are in this situation, hugs to you. I would advise you to talk to someone in health services. Talking to someone will help you deal with this bad situation. I also urge you to try and find your people. You don’t say what size your school is, but I feel certain there are others that you can relate to at your school, you just have to find them. Is it possible to get yourself a single room next semester? At least you would have the safe haven of your own space. Is there a living-learning community you would fit into?</p>

5

<p>I am already in one, specifically geared towards kids that want to succeed in their first year of college. My school is fairly large, but it just seems that the entire student body is homogenous. Out of the crap load of kids here it seems like everyone is the same, so i have not found a group i can fit into, and trust me i have been looking. My school work has been negatively effected, i just want to drop out and start over. I talked to a school therapist and i told her everything, and it did not seem that she took it seriously. I even told her that i have thought of suicide but no one listens here.</p>

6

<p>If you are having thoughts of suicide, I urge you to call your parents. If the therapist at your school doesn’t help you, there is someone locally who can. Please talk to those who love you most, I’m sure they will help you get the support you need.</p>

<p>Maybe there is a club or organization that you can join that will help you make friends. My daughter has a friend who movd to South Florida from Chicago in the middle of her sophomore year. She stood out like a sore thumb at first and floundered until she joined a varsity sport at the beginning of junior year. Through the sport, she found a peer group that was more accepting of her. After the season ended, she was able to connect with a group of kids that she felt comfortable with. The connection to her teammates had made it easier for her make friends with other kids at the school.</p>

7

<p>Please don’t commit suicide. Please? In the end, you’ll just let your tormentors win.</p>

<p>And wow, I’m sorry for your crappy counseling services at school. I would think they would be the first to understand and listen to you. In that case, get out of that school. I know it is horrible that you would have to resort to transferring, but if you don’t have a support system, there is no point staying there. But in the mean time, hang in there.</p>

<p>You should go to school up North! Especially in big cities. They tend to have people who might have similar music interests. Too bad you couldn’t come to my school :wink: We have a large Asian population and a couple of hipsters sprinkled in. I saw this Asian hipster dude with cool, somewhat spiky hair, dark blue skinny jeans, and a pair of kick-ass headphones on the bus the other day.</p>

<p>I don’t know why people see the word “hipster” as bad. Sure there are some that are snobby kids who are more concerned about how they look and appear and will be condescending, but I’ve met some friendly and interesting “hipsters” at concert venues and on the trains and buses. :)</p>

8

<p>I wear skinny jeans because i have too, they aren’t even tight on me… they fit me loosely. I have nothing against hipsters; i have never personally met one, but not everyone that wears tight pants is a hipster. I skateboard alot on my free time and that is where i picked up the type of clothes i wear. </p>

<p>What gets me is that they pre-judge me by how i look and automatically bracket me off and make fun of me. Is verbal abuse considered bullying? I came from a very diverse high school and everyone meshed together no matter how you looked. I feel numb here.
Would dropping out be terrible??? and going to a community college or maybe a lower ranked university</p>

9

<p>I’m sorry that I generalized. Most of the kids with skinny jeans that I knock into are into the “hipster” indie rock culture.</p>

<p>Unless you are able to ignore your immature classmates and try to keep your focus on improving grades, you could still remain at your current university. Dropping out would not be terrible, although it is terrible that the reason why you would drop out is because of certain students. Is it everyone or just a small group? I was quick to say for you to leave the school because if it is getting close to the point where you are contemplating suicide, then maybe you need to go somewhere else where you have a good support system and not amongst a homogeneous population.</p>

<p>On another note: We are in college. Could someone explain to me why people are still ridiculing and bullying others?</p>

10

<p>@Mushaboom I’m guessing his college is in redneck country, that’s why. </p>

<p>@daBears stay strong man. Finish the semester, then transfer or leave the school.</p>

11

<p>Sounds like you’d fit in perfect in the Northwest. I highly recommend University of Washington :D. I didn’t know they were called hipsters but the skinny jeans is definitely a style up here.</p>

12

<p>I’m gonna take a stab and say Vanderbilt, and if it is, I can’t say I blame you for feeling the way you do, based on what I know about the school. Hang in there, man. If you really feel like you want to end your life, just remember that you can change your surroundings in just a few short weeks, or take the Ws if you can’t wait. Your own life is worth more than some academic grade. Hang in there, and we’ll do the best we can to help you.</p>

13

<p>And I want to apologize for my Southern brethren. We’re not all bad :)</p>

14

<p>As a mom, I feel for you, and I don’t even know what a hipster is.</p>

<p>It is disappointing to hear that your school mental health services didn’t seem to be very helpful. I wonder if whether it was just one person, or if you saw more than one who was not helpful? If the former, you might get a different person on a different day.</p>

<p>People on CC are usually helpful (but once in a while somebody will be rude and say, “You just need to grow up,” as though the bullying you are receiving is your fault, not that of the bullies. One has to wonder why such people take the time to post and what enjoyment they can possibly get out of it.) Please keep us updated on how things are going!</p>

<p>I also wonder if there are other people to whom you can talk in person. Does your RA seem to be someone who would listen? I think every school has chaplains; even if you don’t consider yourself religious, college chaplains would have experience listening to others in similar situations and, one would think, would be happy to offer concern and a listening ear.</p>

15

<p>I also have to vote on Vanderbilt in this case, lol.</p>

16

<p>hm, maybe UNC, wake forest, or college of william and mary? vanderbilt also seems plausible, though less so from collegeboard demographics </p>

<p>not that it matters. wait, why do you want to keep your school name private? are you afraid that people from there might happen upon you and bully you even more at school? =/ maybe it’d draw sympathy from someone there, if they actually bother to look at such a nerdy forum (not an insult!)</p>

<p>anyway, i’m sorry to hear that your mental health person does not care. especially with the recent suicide at rutgers, the use of the word gay is especially insensitive and not cool. </p>

<p>but if you transfer, don’t you think a community college might even be worse? i mean, they’d be even less educated, and so possibly even more ignorant. i think even if you went to the most respected and mature school there will still be people that will judge you, albeit less of them. </p>

<p>have you talked with your parents about this? i’m a senior in HS right now and i worry about stuff like this. college is supposed to be enjoyable =/ </p>

<p>fun fact, i’m also about 5’8" 120 pounds =)</p>

17

<p>I completely feel for you, but welcome to the REAL WORLD! Being a minority has its down side, what won’t kill you will only make you stronger. Its all about mind over matter babyy. If you can handle this, I guarantee you’ll be able to handle corporate america. Most freshmen college students are still under the “high school” click mentality, as these young students get older and hopefully wiser, things should smooth itself out. Don’t risk your education, hold your head high my friend!</p>

18

<p>Pick up a weight some time. </p>

<p>Put on some mass.</p>

<p>No one will dare **** with you then.</p>

<p>Plus it’s a great way to relieve stress.</p>

<p>“Eat big, lift big, sleep big.”</p>

19

<p>If it is Vanderbilt, I’m glad I got waitlisted and chose UT over it.</p>

20

<p>Your peers are cruel insensitive idiots who sound like redneck morons. First, take off those headphones and confront the morons who are talking. It will be very awkward at first but if you don’t put people in their place they will just continue on. I also agree with the poster who said get to the gym and work out. It will be a great way to get through the anger that you are feeling. Start eating a protein rich breakfast (egg whites) so your work outs will show some muscle mass. I am saying this because it sounds like you have a poor body image. You are not the problem here but you could go either way…get sad and depressed or get sad and depressed and take some positive action. Depression once it sets in is a hard mood to break out from so go back to that person you spoke to and tell her/him that you are really struggling with this and if she can’t help you ask her who can. I would make an appointment with the dean of students to inform them of the mood on your campus and considering the news these last few weeks they would have to live under a rock not to want to help or guide you in the right direction. If I knew the name of your school I would call that person you spoke to myself. In the meantime where would you like to go? Apply to that school and get the hell out of this place you are in…it sounds awful. Just remember this feeling you have right now is only because of the situation it has nothing to do with you as a person and you are very loved by your family and people back home. If you could get yourself to the library to get your work done and go to the gym to work out and take some nice long walks than finish this semester out and move on. You would be doing much better in a northern school. If you are looking for some recommendations just provide some info about yourself and I will look into and do what I could to help. You could PM me anytime. This is just one of those unfortunate blips in life but it will pass as soon as you are comfortable with either standing up to them or moving on to another school. There is no right or wrong choice but you do need to make a choice.</p>