Need serious help and harsh criticism on my Common App Essay

My essay is well over 650 words and does not have the best grammar. I need help trimming it down and harsh criticism on the essay/topic overall. I also am not sure what common app prompt it exactly fits under. I posted here before with another essay but after some constructive feedback I decided to write a new topic.
If anyone is willing to take a look that would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you!

bump

PM it to me.

bump

pm it to me

PM it to me, I’m happy to help you improve it!

Why don’t you hire a tutor or ask a professional to proofread it ?

^A tutor is not necessary and there’s no need for professional proofreading

Pm me