Need some Feedback on my essay plzz

Okay, I have an essay completed. And I asked my friends for some feedbacks (trustable friends) and most of them said it was pretty cliche. I just really wanna check with some of you if you guys have any time.
My grade and SAT is about average, so I just really need a good solid essay.
I don’t want anything like “That’s a good essay but could be improved” feedback. I want to know where I lack, and it will be nice if you can give some serious critiques.
Also, for the sake of plagiarism, I would want anyone with at least 2000 posts so that I can check your background.
Thank You.