Need some help with my essay

<p>hey CC'ers, I need some feedback on my essay and on how to turn it into a more focused version of what it is right now. Should it be shorter/longer? Should I omit some sentences and why?</p>

<p>"Come over here Raul, I need to show you something" whispered my aunt as she led me into the dark alleyway. My heart was racing. I was bewildered by what could lie in the small passage we were entering. "Here it is. A small, young pine tree i found living in the corner of this alley. Isn't it stunning?" she said with an excited tone. I stood there blankly looking at that small speck of life amidst the dark and damp atmosphere of the alleyway in which we stood. How was it possible for a tree to grow in these conditions? "Life always finds a way, Raul", my aunt's voice echoed through the corridor. Yet all i could do was to scrutinize every detail of the pine sapling all the way from its roots to its numerous leaves. Little did i know that every part of it was a reflection of my own life.</p>

<p>Having grown up in a third world country where violence and corruption are as prevalent as death and poverty, I knew that I had high expectations from everyone around me and I knew i was different from my friends and family. Indeed, while they were worried about the robberies on T.V., my mind was soaring through the world of english literature, or perhaps some of Beethoven's lively symphonies. Even if hardships and tragedies were all around me, nothing could stop my overwhelming desire for knowledge. Just as the pine sapling's leaves branched out in all directions, my long list of interests has kept growing infinitely. </p>

<p>As the years went by, my unbridled desire for knowledge turned into one of success. My
parents have pushed me to my limit ever since i was a kid, but i only just realized that there are no limits. If a pine tree can grow where there is almost little to no light, there is no way that my ambitions and goals could not grow in a similar fashion. I became tired of letting my dreams become pigeonholed in my mind. I realized i can do anything I want to do, and i can challenge myself to overcome any obstacles in my way. As my amalgam of thoughts was coming to an end, i looked at the tree one last time and realized that it was truly a majestic example of nature's endurance. Here i stand, finally realizing that everyone and everything has the potential to succeed even in the most unlikely circumstances. Life always finds a way.</p>

<p>I love your essay. It is beautiful and it shows “you”. I admire the example of the pine tree and you. It shows me a sense of who you are, where you have come from, and what you want to do. The only thing i’d have to say is avoid big, fancy words like “pigeonholed” and “amalgam” and “unbridled”. Just by reading your essay, I can tell you are already an intelligent person; no need for big words. Also, in the last two paragraphs, I recommend a little more showing than telling.</p>