<p>Never any plan to discuss this with the the girl. That is my S responsibility.</p>
<p>Ont thing I'm thinking is that my kids had so much sex ed in high school that when we had our discussions with them they already knew more than we did. Who knew there were all those STDs!</p>
<p>If you believe your son is a bright young man with the ability to comprehend most subjects, I would not belabor this. I would tell him of your concern and ask if he knows all the options. Mentioning birth control pills is also over the line in my opinion. I don't want my daughter facing the health risks and my talk with her stressed that and the alternatives.</p>
<p>I think there are some extreme cases such as when you know the kids are not responsible and the girl or both have religious convictions that go against birth control and abortion where it might be appropriate to get more involved. And of course there's the Sarah Palin view where your 17 year old must marry the guy. But in general, I'd want to treat my son as an educated adult.</p>
<p>If it were my S I'd express my opinion that a college man should not be having sex with a HS girl. Period. I'd certainly explain the consequences of doing so if they choose to continue and yes, getting pregnant is one of the consequences and it would likely have major implications for both of them but especially the girl. Other implications are emotional - likely more for the girl than the guy. If your S truly respects this girl, IMO they should quit the sex.</p>
<p>In your opening you stated "they love each other" but IMO a HS junior is in no position to accurately assess these feelings due to a lack of life experience and maturity.</p>
<p>^^^horses already out of the barn</p>
<p>^^ The horse can be put back in the barn though which if done would solve the OP's primary concern. It can be done if the S is willing to make a commitment.</p>
<p>Condoms virtually never fail IF THEY ARE USED CORRECTLY. I'd stress this with your son. I have read that most of the time when someone says, "The condom failed," the truth is that they failed to use it.</p>
<p>As the parent of both a son and a daughter, I understand your concerns. But there are many health implications involved with taking the Pill; and I don't think it's your place to even bring this up. You don't know the girl's health history, you don't know if the Pill is appropriate for her. It has risks and side effects. (I speak as someone who had to give up on the Pill because it exacerbated my migraines, but I also know that the Pill is not appropriate for anyone with high blood pressure, clotting issues, or smokers). </p>
<p>You are within your rights to talk about birth control, and the advisability of using 2 forms. Your son should use a condom correctly every time. But as to whether the girlfriend should consider the pill.... sorry, but you're overstepping. I COMPLETELY understand your concerns, but you're talking about a prescription medication with side effects.</p>
<p>ucsd<em>ucla</em>dad - they started dating while both were in HS. The relationship continued. That IMO is a bit different than a college kid seeking out a HS kid. And there is only a 1 year age difference. She is a Jr due to her parents electing to start her in school later. I would be happy if they would stop, but I don't think that is realistic. It is not a matter of respect for the young lady. This was a decision they both made. The horse is out of the barn and all I'm trying to do is to keep an additional chicken from coming home to roost. Kids have sex even though we don't want them to. I did at his age.</p>
<p>You are correct on the emotional implication for the girl. We've talked about this in the past in theory, but I will revisit it.</p>
<p>As for them being in love at their age, they say they are and if they think it then it does not matter what I think. I don't expect this to last, I just want them to be safe and not put their futures at risk. I don't want it happening but I'm not going to bury my head in the sand either. FWIW the godparents of my S met at 14 and dated all through HS and at separate colleges. They've been very happily married for 24 years with 2 great kids. So while the odds are against them it is possible.</p>
<p>Lafalum84 - you are absolutely correct. The pill was a knee jerk reaction on my part. I did not consider the medical implications. The discussion needs to become "an additional method of birth control". I am still going to suggest that my son encourage her to talk with her parents about this.</p>
<p>Perhaps this has already happened, I do not know.</p>
<p>Iconsult, in that case, I think you're right on the money. You're being realistic and concerned. The horse is not going to return to the barn. The best you can do is remind your son of the importance of protecting both himself and his girlfriend, and then hope for the best. You sound like a good dad to me!</p>
<p>Very good advice from many about advising your S to stick with condoms for his own protection, no matter what GF does for her own protection... everyone has heard of at least one "accident" and neither one should be taking risks with their futures at these ages. </p>
<p>The advice on statutory rape is less-good. While in many states an age difference is an element of the crime, in other states a 16-yr old is under the age of consent no matter what the age of the partner...so unless you want to research your own state and the states in which your kids go to school, I think it's safer to just warn your Ss and Ds that this is potentially another reason to wait. There are, of course, also the moral and emotional maturity issues. I think it's great that the parents who responded respected OP enough to mention those issues, but to focus on OP's question.</p>
<p>(There are lots of sources of surveys on the statutory rape question, such as <a href="http://www.cga.ct.gov/2003/olrdata/jud/rpt/2003-R-0376.htm)%5B/url%5D">http://www.cga.ct.gov/2003/olrdata/jud/rpt/2003-R-0376.htm)</a>.</p>
<p>holy **** people, go live your own damn lives...</p>
<p>If your son is anything like most, I'd back up the talk with some factual printed info from an independent source. Just show him the books, pamphlets whatever about different types of protection and the facts about them. Leave them on the desk/table and walk away. I'll bet he'll read more than he will listen. Something about being in print works with college students. I know the "Human Sexuality" textbook was the one most of us borrowed from our Psych major friends.</p>
<p>From the medical point of view the use of pill is not justified in this case. Hormonal contraceptives have side effects. The seriousness of these side effects varies greatly from person to person, but hardly anyone has absolutely none. The risk of getting pregnant is low: with >95% protection and the kids see each other only once or twice a month the chance is minimal. And there is the next morning pill for an accident (if it ever happens)
What I would remind my child: any protection strategy can fail. In such a relationship it is important that they have similar understanding of plan B options. If the boy 100% excludes the option of becoming a farther in the nearest future, he probably needs to discuss it with the girl.</p>
<p>whatismouse - what is your problem? I asked for some help and people gave me their opinions. I think that is what most of us are here for.</p>
<p>my comment was intended for you, my mother, and all other people who seem to make their living by living in other people's lives.</p>
<p>Neonzeus - the age of consent in our state is 16, the age difference is not a legal issue here. She will 17 in a couple weeks anyway. </p>
<p>It is a good thought to check for others in the same situation that may find this thread.</p>
<p>whatismouse, you sound like an immature kid. What I am doing is called being a concerned parent. An 18 year old does not have all the answers. Note that I am not telling them stop, forbidding them to see each other, or treating them like children. I am giving advice and council out of love and concern. </p>
<p>Grow up. If you don't like the thread then leave. I have no patience for whining.</p>
<p>im merely sharing my opinion: that you should back off and let your son begin living his own life without your intervention. you should have the integrity atleast to not be fazed by one persons opinion which conflicts so sharply with your own.</p>
<p>whatismouse - if the OP's son should father a child, who do you think would end up picking up the pieces?</p>
<p>^^whatismouse, you're interrupting a serious conversation between parents about an issue that DOES affect us. When our children, who haven't yet finished their educations, risk becoming parents, it becomes our business. If your point is that the OP's son is an adult, I think we agree that he's close, but current brain research also indicates that, while he's there physically, psychologically, people your age aren't really mature enough to always make great decisions yet. That's where very careful parental interventions come in. That's what this OP is asking for advice about. We (and I include your parents in this "we") love our kids very much and want the very best for them. A cliche, yes, but that's what this thread is all about.</p>