Nerdy Joke Thread

Pre-College Issues High School Life
21

<p>“God geometrizes” says Plato.
“Biologists think they are biochemists,
Biochemists think they are Physical Chemists,
Physical Chemists think they are Physicists,
Physicists think they are Gods,
And God thinks he is a Mathematician.”</p>

22

<p>(in Trig)
Well, so there was a triangle walking down the street…
(in Chem)
So two + and one - quark are walking down the street…
(in English)
Teacher: Yes, there’s a word for–No, I can’t remember–Yes, there <em>is</em> a word for this!!
Me, whisper: Appositive.
Teacher: <em>Thank</em> you!
(in Physics, discussing light)
Teacher: Does all this make sense?
Student: [I feel] illuminated, but not enlightened. <em>headdesk</em></p>

23

<p><a href=“http://smoothiejuicerecipes.com/pear.jpg[/url]”>http://smoothiejuicerecipes.com/pear.jpg&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>lone pear.</p>

24

<p>A Princeton plasma physicist is at the beach when he discovers an ancient looking oil lantern sticking out of the sand. He rubs the sand off with a towel and a genie pops out. The genie offers to grant him one wish. The physicist retrieves a map of the world from his car an circles the Middle East and tells the genie, ‘I wish you to bring peace in this region’. </p>

<p>After 10 long minutes of deliberation, the genie replies, ‘Gee, there are lots of problems there with Lebanon, Iraq, Israel, and all those other places. This is awfully embarrassing. I’ve never had to do this before, but I’m just going to have to ask you for another wish. This one is just too much for me’. </p>

<p>Taken aback, the physicist thinks a bit and asks, ‘I wish that the Princeton tokamak would achieve scientific fusion energy break-even.’ </p>

<p>After another deliberation the genie asks, ‘Could I see that map again?’</p>

25

<p>atom1: I lost an electron!
atom2: are you positive?</p>

<p>without geometry, life is pointless…never drink and derive…prague: czech it out!</p>

<p>haha sorry not really nerdy jokes just funny academic related things i’ve seen on tee shirts!</p>

26

<p>An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says “You’re all idiots”, and pours two beers.</p>

27

<p>An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a third of a beer. The fourth, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says “I’m going to sell a hell of a lot of beer tonight”, and keeps taking orders.</p>

28

<p>Well, not really, unless he’s amazingly fast at pouring beers.</p>

29

<p>^he’ll only sell a number of beers that is infinitely close to 2</p>

30

<p>^No, if he kept on going, he could sell an infinite number of beers. It’s just that it would be really, really slow.</p>

31

<p>

</p>

<p>Dude knows his infinite series. Of course he’s amazingly fast at pouring beers.</p>

32

<p>If only the first ordered a beer, the second a quarter of a beer, the third a ninth of a beer, the fourth a sixteenth, etc., then the bartender would just need some integer number of beers</p>

33

<p>

ummm…1+.5+.33333.+.25+.2=2.283</p>

34

<p>It’s one half of the the previous number. 1/2 * 1/2 does not equal 1/3.</p>

35

<p>To further support that…</p>

<p>The sum of an infinite geometric series is s = 1 / (1-r) R = 1/2, so s = 1/1/2 = 2.</p>

36

<p>A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.</p>

<p>A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, “Get out now. You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”</p>

<p>The E-flat comes back to the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “You’re looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development.” This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit and stands there au natural.</p>

<p>Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. </p>

<p>The bartender decides that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, with the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything becoming alto much treble, he needs a rest, and closes the bar.</p>

37

<p>

But no one ever said that the next customer ordered half of the previous order. The problem went like this…

</p>

38

<p>First one did.</p>

<p>The second one is not geometric.</p>

<p>Just a series in the form of the sum of the numbers between n = 1 and infinity of 1/n.</p>

39

<p>sum(infiniteHarmonicSeries)=Inf.</p>

<p>infiniteHarmonicSeries=1+1/2+1/3+1/4+…</p>

<p>Also:</p>

<p>In the beginning, God said
e=mc^2
c=hv
etc.
(Lots of other complicated math-looking equations on that t-shirt, which I neither saw nor recognized. :o)</p>

40

<p>

First what did? If you’re talking about the second customer, just because one person orders half of another order doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone will.</p>