Nerves now that long-distance option is a real choice?

Parents Forum
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<p>Looking for personal anecdotes or similar experiences from other parents-</p>

<p>DD may have over-estimated her adventurousness when she began the college application process last fall. She went in determined to find an exciting, urban environment for her college years, and applied to some great schools in the Northeast. She wanted to forge her own path, away from her high school stay-near-home peers and do something 'different'. We supported her, but also had her apply to the best of her in-state options so she would have choices in the spring. </p>

<p>Now that the decision are in, and a great urban school in Boston is a real, affordable, we can definitely do it choice, she is suddenly queasy. Her comment coming back from an accepted student event (that she loved) - " this is a reeaallly long flight" (It's about 4 hours direct). She is now trying to make her final decision between her distance dream choice, and an equally great honors program at our state flagship in Austin (also a great city). Financially for us, these two choices are about equal with travel costs already figured in.</p>

<p>I do not want to make her choice for her and would be happy either way, but I don't want her to look back and regret not taking that leap when she had the opportunity. I also don't want her to get up to Boston and be miserable. My gut tells me she would be homesick for a while, but adjust, but I just don't know for sure. Should I encourage her to remember how she felt about the adventure ahead of her last fall, or keep my mouth shut and let her work through it? Has anyone dealt with similar choices with their own DD/DS? Regrets?</p>

<p>FYI, D is well traveled and liberal (though that's liberal for TX, not for the NE), and we have family spread across the country though nearest close relatives will be in Philly, which is not that close to Boston.</p>

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<p>It’s only a 4 hour hour flight, and it’s in the same country, She’ll be fine. Don’t worry.</p>

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<p>Awww…tough time of year. I hope you both find some peace. We didn’t even look into schools outside of our state. Even though my girls have traveled, we’re just REALLY tight-knit. We knew that travel expenses would eat us alive. Good luck! How exciting, and what a wonderful dilemna. UT is an AWESOME school in an AWESOME city, and Boston is great too! What an adventure!</p>

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<p>She will be fine. I think college is such a great time to explore a totally new to you part of the country. It’s a good way to lose a lot of stereotypical thinking. I really loved my three years on the other coast and visiting my parents when they lived in the south even though the drive to my parents was a nightmare and there were no good flight options.</p>

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<p>People make the leap when they’re ready. The beginning of college is not the only opportunity.</p>

<p>My son was not ready to go far away for college. He attended our state university, less than an hour from home (though he did not commute). </p>

<p>Four years later, he moved to the opposite side of the country after graduation, and he’s been there ever since. He was not the same person that he had been four years earlier, and this time the big move seemed right.</p>

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<p>My D has a similar choice - closer schools (well, a 5-7 hour drive) or completely across the country. I believe she would be happiest at the one across the country on both academic and social levels, but they are all good options and I am keeping my mouth shut. This is her choice. If your D decides she is not ready to go so far I would not try to push it.</p>

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<p>I’m glad you mention that travel is worked in to your budget because that would be a big factor with us. Back in the day when I was in school you could always find a $79/$99 flight to just about anywhere…nowadays it’s not like that and something we definately considered when my son started his search.</p>

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<p>“I do not want to make her choice for her and would be happy either way, but I don’t want her to look back and regret not taking that leap when she had the opportunity. I also don’t want her to get up to Boston and be miserable. My gut tells me she would be homesick for a while, but adjust, but I just don’t know for sure. Should I encourage her to remember how she felt about the adventure ahead of her last fall, or keep my mouth shut and let her work through it?”</p>

<p>I wouldn’t advise her one way or another. I wouldn’t keep my mouth shut either! LOL. I know that sounds conflicted, but what I mean is, I would make myself available for feedback if she wanted to talk about the decision making process or work through some of her anxiety verbally, but I wouldn’t push her towards one decision or another. In reality, only SHE knows if she’s ready or not. And there’s no shame if she’s not. As several others have said, moving far away from home doesn’t HAVE to be now. She will have so many opportunities. She’s still young.</p>

<p>My husband always tells the rest of us (me and our girls) - Think hard, pray about it, make a good decision, be glad about it, and just stick to it. :)</p>

<p>Sounds simple, but I’ve told myself those same words so many times, and I know the girls have too.</p>

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<p>I appreciate the comments - I think it just helps to vent my own anxiety over HER decision. @cromette, I am trying hard to be the neutral sounding board!</p>

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<p>As a fellow Texas mom, I get your hesitation. And it’s why – underclassman parents, pay attention! – I think it’s sooo important to have a list that includes every kind of school that’s the least bit appealing. Big, small, close, far, rural, urban. Kids change over the year, and you want options on the table when decision time comes! How nice that your dd can really, at this point, pick the school and area that best suits her right now.</p>

<p>My ds is 1,000 miles away in a place we’d never been, other than the college visits. Like your dd, his choice came down to his school and an in-state school. I think it’s pretty common to get some cold feet when making the decision. Plus, he was looking at the other things that were attractive in-state – lots of AP credits that would make him almost a sophomore from the get-go, no need to get a new wardrobe. I would have been happy with either, but I told him early on that he will never be so unencumbered and this is the best time to try something new. And it’s only four years. You can put up with anything for four years.</p>

<p>When that last week of April came around and we revisited (well, me for the first time at the faraway one), I kept my mouth shut. Thankfully, we both knew where he really belonged by the end of the first trip. But we visited the in-state school the next day as planned, just to be sure.</p>

<p>It’ll all work out. (((hugs)))</p>

<p>ETA: And while he loves his college and has had a fabulous experience, he wants to come home to Texas after graduation!</p>

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<p>OP–has your D experienced Boston or a similar location in the winter? Could be a factor for some people. My son went from a wintery home state to a wintery college state so he knew what to expect.</p>

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<p>Issue of “far away” vs. “local” has facets beyond “homesickness”. Depending on ultimate career objectives, sometimes “local” is better because connections and alumni networks will be more beneficial for the local school grads. Discuss this aspect too, depending on whether it’s relevant to your daughter’s anticipated career objectives.</p>

<p>Secondly, “far away” sometimes translates into “not coming back to hometown location”, because friends and school-related connections are elsewhere where campus is/was. Many of my friends HERE are from out-of-state, who never left the city where their undergrad school was located.</p>

<p>Years ago my Midwestern self attended HYP grad school, and I was stunned by the lack of geographic knowledge of many of my fellow students, unable to mentally locate my major city, and filled with ridiculous stereotypes (sometimes also voiced here on cc). There’s a certain amount of adjustment when moving 1000 miles away for college or grad school, but that’s probably the smallest of concerns.</p>

<p>Boston is a wonderful town to be an undergrad; I can see the attraction.</p>

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<p>My DS is a senior he wanted to go out of state for engineering preferably far away. Spread his wings sort of thing. He only applied to 2 in state schools at my request. He got in to those out of state schools so he could have chosen one of them. The thing is though once he took a look at the in state school and thought about it. He decided it was the best choice for him. DH and I did not try and sway him one way or the other. I know it’s hard, I really thought he should have given the OOS another look however in the end he is the one that is going to be going to college. I’m sure your DD will make the correct decision for herself.</p>

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<p>We have a very similar story. One of my son’s choices was honors at UT Austin (we live in south Texas) but he wound up going to Northeastern University in Boston. For him, it was absolutely the right decision but he was confident about it. Plus we have family in Massachusetts, so that it made not such a “foreign” choice.</p>

<p>I would ask my kid how much input they want from me. She may want to mull it over alone or she may want some insight from you. Let her decide and then abide by her decision.</p>

<p>Best of luck!</p>

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<p>She would likely be just as homesick if she was a 2 hour car ride away. It’s just a big life step.</p>

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<p>Ah, my greatest college regret is that I passed up the scholarship at the large university half a country away to attend a small LAC near home. </p>

<p>I would not advise her either way, but I would ask her to verbalize pros and cons of each school. Sometimes just saying it out loud and attaching descriptors to impressions can help clarify things. It may also take the focus off the location and instead take the location into account as just one of many factors.</p>

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<p>I would let her decide and not worry too much about regrets. If she stays local, she’ll have other chances to live far away if she chooses. If she goes away and hates it, she can transfer back. She really can’t make a “bad” decision at this point.</p>

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<p>Last April, we were in your shoes and it was very hard month!</p>

<p>Daughter was deciding between a Northeastern and Rice. Ultimately, she loved the feel of Northeastern and Boston. She didn’t like how Rice was filled with kids just like her high school. It came down to the feel at accepted students day at both schools.</p>

<p>While we still wish she would have chosen Rice, we respected that it’s her decision and her life. She loves Boston and is thriving at Northeastern. She’s made fabulous friends, has great grades in Engineering and is HAPPY! </p>

<p>PS- It sounds like you are on top of the finances but wanted to ad that we had to factor need based aid vs scholarships. Potential changes in income vs grades. Added onto that was requirements for community service. Just throwing this out there in case there are other FA issues to consider.</p>

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<p>Also a Texas mom with D that chose to venture out of state to Wellesley last fall. She isn’t quite in the city of Boston, but she chose the school so she could have easy access to it. She had some academic adjustments but never any homesickness - she may differ from most kids in that she was ready for college her sophomore year of HS - she kept saying it, and clearly it was true!!!</p>

<p>She hasn’t really complained about the winters and she plays a varsity sport in it!!! She was born and raised in the Houston metro area but is very well traveled and I believe she could only be happier (maybe) if she were at a co-ed school in the exact same neck of the woods!!!</p>

<p>I think your D will fall in love with the NE choice and I will always root for expanding one’s horizons!!!</p>

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<p>I’m also in Texas and my son will attend a university near Seattle, more than 2100 miles away. We’ve just experienced this decision, although ours was more of an extended process. DS was accepted to the engineering program at the University of Arkansas, where we put a deposit last Fall, after visiting and rejecting a number of in-state colleges, both LAC (unsure about engineering) and publics including UT Austin (too large). We then began what in retrospect was an exploration of ever-more-distant colleges, seemingly as his comfort with the idea grew. Mississippi, Alabama, Missouri, Tennessee, Colorado.</p>

<p>Then what became more important was the weather - not kidding! DS, once he could, decided that he wanted to make a change from the extreme heat and humidity of Texas (goodbye, Eckerd etc ) and also his terrible allergy to Mountain Cedar (farewell, Trinity / San Antonio etc) but didn’t want to have to learn how to navigate in extreme ice/snow (so long, Ohio Wesleyan, Wooster, Skidmore, St. Lawrence, etc). He ultimately focused on the Pacific Northwest, with some really good choices and excellent merit/scholarships.</p>

<p>Then he asked me not to remind him how little school was left, count down in any way until he would leave for college. This made me nervous, so we scheduled a second visit to his final choice, this time making sure he spent 24-36 hours on campus, in the dorm, in classes, in the winter rainy gloom, etc. and not part of an organized open house or accepted students day activities. </p>

<p>The result was a bit startling: when we continued our visit in Seattle, he asked to find a barber and cut his hair short, buy some new clothes and shoes, and pretty much adopted his new collegiate look over spring break. I think the visit allowed him to imagine himself there. </p>

<p>Here at home, he seems much more comfortable with planning for a transition in the last week or so. Today, in fact, he told me I could re-start my countdown since he was fine with it now. I think he understands why some of his friends are heading off to in-state colleges, LSU, etc but seems proud of what he sees as his independent streak. Also, he likes it that every time one of his teachers asks who’s going the farthest away to college, he wins.</p>

<p>Now I just have to get myself ready.</p>