<p>I'm not sure if this belongs in the cafe or not but I'm sticking it here since it relates to "college experiences."</p>
<p>My daughter begins sorority rush tonight...and I am a nervous wreck. This post is NOT meant to be an opportunity for anyone to trash sororities. I know some people don't like them but my daughter wants to join and her school is 70% (that's a true figure, folks) Greek so it's very much the thing to do there.</p>
<p>I'm really looking for a little cyber-hand holding here and if anyone else's daughter has gone through this. This is a big deal on her campus and for her. I was in a sorority and several of her close friends just finished their rush (all successfully) so she's fully away of the process - and how unsettling it can be. I'm so worried that it's not going to go well (plus, she's feeling pretty sick so that's not helping things). All I want is for her to find a nice middle of the road sorority - but I'm afraid that because she doesn't "look the part" (i.e. a thin, petite pretty little blonde thing) that she's going to get overlooked. She's got a great,sweet personality, very good grades, leadership positions and she's attractive and we've talked a lot about being open-minded and positive and finding the group where's she's most comfortable. But you still never know. It can be a tough process and it's hard not to take rejection personally. I don't want my sweet daughter hurt, I guess.</p>
<p>The college application process was a piece of cake compared to this but at least this will be over in 4 days. Someone tell me this will be okay!!</p>
<p>fredo: It WILL be okay! I am sure that your D's rush will go just fine. I was never a member of a sorority myself so I am not sure all that is involved but your daughter sounds like a wonderful person and if they don't accept (is that what they call it?) her, it is their loss. I may not have been a sorority member but I am a mother so I know how hard it is waiting things out and hoping for the best for our children. I will be crossing my fingers and look forward to hearing your good news in four days!</p>
<p>I remember rush those many moons ago....if your D rushes the houses that have girls like her....leaders, workers, scholars....she'll be fine. </p>
<p>One of my roommates made the mistake of heavily rushing her mother's sorority even though she was not their type. She was athletic, studious, and very pretty. It was almost a relief when her mother's house cut her. She ended up in a house with other athletic and studious girls.</p>
<p>Fredo- just remind your daughter not to go for the "popular" or "best" sosority. Suggest she look for girls with whom she would want to spend time, girls who appear interested in learning more about her, girls who look fun to her!</p>
<p>My DD rushed as a 3rd year, so did her roommate- many sororities are simply not interested in 3rd years! We were also worried about rejection or hurt feelings, especailly with that handicap! Luckily her school has an agreement that every one will get at least one bid- many many people only get that one bid, sometimes from a group they had not initially perceived as the best one, but now that the girls are all in & active, they seem to be thrilled and the match-ups seem quite good- they ended up where they should be. If you've seen the movie Mean Girls, remind her NOT to look to the popular plastics (unless she is one :p), but rather to the "real" girls who will become real friends.</p>
<p>DD rushed last year as a 2nd year, I remember how hard it was waiting for the bids... She thinks this year is worse when you are trying to pick nice girls to join and they do not want to..Girls can be interesting, Good Luck to her...</p>
<p>RUSH is basically a recruitment period, some schools only have 1 rush per year many have 2 (fall/spring or in Dartmouth's case, Fall/winter). you go to a number of rush events at different sororities. Some schools have it set up where every rushee must get one bid. You get a bid when the sorority picks you. IF you rush in more than one sorority and get more than one bid , you get to pick them</p>
<p>Women participating in formal rush, "rushees", attend a sequence of parties or events designed to enable rushees (those trying to get in) and sororities to narrow their choices gradually."<br>
The first parties are "open houses" in which all sororities issue invitations to all rushees. The practice is suppose to enable both the rushee and the sororities to know `how they stand' early in the formal rush period." In each round the number of sororities a rushee can attend is reduced. </p>
<p>A rushee who receives more invitations than the number of parties permitted in a given round must decline, or "regret", the excess invitations. The last round of invitational parties, the "preference parties", usually permit a rushee to attend only two or three parties. Some sororities to invite only those rushees to the preference party to whom they will definitely issue a bid.</p>
<p>Fredo, don't panic. My DD recently went through sorority rush (set up prior to the start of spring semester classes). She ended up pledging my sorority - definitely not planned, but turned out to be the one where she felt as if she truly "belonged". Even though bids were not guaranteed for everyone going through rush, D commented that all worked out in the end. She's loving the pledge period - spending some quality time with others with similar interests and personalities. Hate to disagree with Weenie, but it is not the "ultimate popularity contest". D now has expanded her circle of friends - more study buddies, dinner companions and in following my path...sisters for life.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the positive thoughts. There isn't a chapter of my sorority (Kappa Delta) on her campus so no legacy help there. I think she's heard enough from me about keeping the open mind and finding where you fit in not what you want to be like and I think she gets it.</p>
<p>I'm glad that any of you that have daughters that have gone through rush have done well.</p>
<p>I'll keep you posted as the weekend progresses. Thanks again!</p>
<p>Legacies can work against you or for you. I had a friend who was crushed when her daughter was dropped -- I think after the second period party. For my stepdaughters, it worked like a charm; they pledged my house (at a different school) and lived happily ever after.</p>
<p>For anyone reading this who really, really wants to trash sororities, let me mention that my older stepdaughter went off to college fresh from her wearing-all-black phase -- she was the last person on earth I thought would join a sorority. It was basically a practical choice for her; the house was a fabulous location on campus, very safe and far more attractive than living in the dorms; the social life was what she wanted; and she made friends from all over the country through her sorority sisters, people she was subsequently able to use for professional networking purposes.</p>
<p>Honestly, if your daughter has good morals and is fairly outgoing she'll find her place somewhere. I know lots of girls who are members of various sororities and they come from all difference backgrounds and have found one that suits them perfectly. </p>
<p>I've seen and heard about many of the not so respectable things that girls are "required" to do but what would happen if a rushee were to refuse to do it based on morals... I am not against the foundations of greek based organizations but I would not lower myself to do some of the, IMO, despicable actions that SOME are asked to do. (I won't go into details and some will argue that they do not occur but TRUST ME, they do... if even at a few isolated schools, they do occur somewhere)</p>
<p>Being that alot of these things are in fact against the rules, if I were to go to the dean(or whoever) and bring this to their attention and end up NOT being asked to pledge because of it... I'm sure there could be a big stink about it. </p>
<p>Why do the sororities risk it? I know that many are law abiding chapters but I have heard MANY things from rushees that just make me cringe... but, they've gone along with it and some have joined. I just don't understand why? Is the humiliation supposed to bring you closer together? My mom who was involved in college and later a house mom in her twenties has tried to explain but I still see a lack of logic in the process.</p>
<p>Regardless, I really wish your daughter the best!</p>
<p>I'm sorry, I know many of you had/have good experiences with this process, and I even defended the idea that people should be in frats/sororities if they want to on the interminable anti-frat thread, but...when I read:</p>
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All I want is for her to find a nice middle of the road sorority - but I'm afraid that because she doesn't "look the part" (i.e. a thin, petite pretty little blonde thing) that she's going to get overlooked.
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<p>I just want to say, oh, ick!</p>
<p>This poor girl has to worry about not looking right? So glad my kids both went/go to schools where this is not a factor to have a decent social life. Fredo, I sure do hope it works out well for your daughter, but still, ick!</p>
<p>I happen to agree - it is ick! But it's also a fact of life in sorority rush. Life is not fair - we all know that. Some kids had that hook that got them into a school they might not have gotten into otherwise. Some people are suck-ups in the work world and get the job promotion that the more deserving, hard-working person should have gotten. Etc., etc.</p>
<p>I have to say that my daughter isn't worried about looking a certain way. But in rush, as in job interviews or being in the work world or college interviews, you just want to look pulled together and that's what we emphasized. And, obviously, any sorority that rejects someone based solely on how they look is not one she's interested in. Her criteria seem to be honing in on the nice, laid-back sororities - which is exactly where she would fit in.</p>