<p>I wouldn’t say my son is an angel, we’ve allowed him to drink ceremonial wine during holidays or other occasions since he was about 14. We educated him about drinking laws, etc., drugs laws, etc. When he turned 18 we sat him down and had a discussion about what it meant to be an adult, and how juvenile laws would no longer apply to him and he had to be responsible with his choices. We have always told him he could call us if he were somewhere and couldn’t drive himself home or the person he was with was in no condition to drive. What I didn’t want to hear was an after-the-fact excuse of, “I didn’t know…” We never threatened to not pay for his school or kick him out if he messed up. We do expect him to own his behavior though, don’t have weed in your car and expect me to believe you when you say you don’t know how it got there. </p>
<p>We felt like all we could do was educate him, and hope that if he found himself in a situation, he would make a responsible decision. So far, and I’m furiously knocking on wood here, we’ve not received any dreaded phone calls fom authorities.</p>
<p>Gee, oldfort you’ve really done your research. I didn’t even recognize the last quote at first but I’ve obviously greatly offended you if you went to the trouble of reading everything I’ve ever posted on cc. That had to take some time.</p>
<p>I apologize for offending anyone with snarkyness or the use of sarcasm. It isn’t helpful when posters with big numbers do it and it isn’t helpful when those of us who’ve posted less do it either. I suppose we are all provoked when we feel attacked personally. I do stand behind my belief that it’s a good thing to make sure our kids know that their parents don’t believe it’s acceptable to ever break the law; if that’s controversial I’ll have to live with it.</p>
<p>I do applaud performersmom who has always been civil and constructive on this thread. Perhaps it would be better if we all followed her example.</p>
I’ve got to ask … so you never knowingly … drove 1 mph over the speed limit, changed lanes without signaling, jay walked, neglected to feed the meter, cross against a don’t walk sign … you’ve never knowingly broken a law?</p>
<p>I don’t think the OP was complaining about people who jay walked or ones who forgot to feet the meter, it was excessive, public, loud, vomitacious, disorderly, disruptive, disgusting, smelly, foul, and hazardous, underage drinking in the college dorms. </p>
<p>Surely there must be some middle ground between throwing the kids in jail, and turning a blind eye to the excess. It’s institutionalized chaos as it is now.</p>
I’m 52 and I’ve heard the argument that laws are never to be broken numerous times … in cases where I’ve heard an answer there has only been one case where the person claimed they always followed all laws … in all the other cases the proponents of following laws admitted there were “other laws” which they knowingly broken … from which I can only conclude virtually everyone knowingly breaks some laws and the argument is not “law should always be followed” but which we each individually believe are OK to break. 3ToGo who is old enough to have knowingly broken laws such as Griswold v CT and other laws related to the sexual activities of consenting adults.</p>
<p>Wow! I didn’t even want to get involved in this thread. But, I just wanted to comment that one can never really know everything that your child does. No matter how observent, concerned, loving a parent you are… you can have a child who makes some bad choices. I know of several lovely, involved families who have raised a kid who found him/herself in trouble. And also oblivious parents whose children have been no trouble at all. As for myself, I attempt to warn my kids of the pitfalls, but know that “there, but for the grace of God, go I…”</p>
<p>One thing to keep in mind is that not all states have an age prohibition on consumption of alcohol in one’s private home. College dorms are the private homes for students, so if OP’s college is located in a state that does not prohibit consumption in private homes, then this may explain why there is no enforcement of the law - because it doesn’t apply.</p>
<p>I agree with familyof3boys. As parents, we get invested in the idea that if we do everything “right” in our parenting, we can control the outcome. Not necessarily true!</p>
<p>Also, there will be underage drinking whatever the legal age is. When it was 18, I snuck into bars starting at age 16. Some others started younger. We wouldn’t have gotten away with that if the legal age was 21, and we certainly weren’t “older and wiser” due to our experience either!</p>
<p>When I turned 18, I became “legal.” My friends surprised me with dinner at a Mexican food restaurant and I remember I ordered a margarita. Others did the same, or had a Mexican beer. No big deal, nobody got wasted, we were all good to drive home. Apparently now when one becomes of age, they often have 21 shots. I would seriously be in a coma if I did that or anything approaching that. Where drinking is headed really scares me. You hope your kids absorb and assimilate everything you try to teach them, but you can’t always know for sure what they will do when they go off to college and peer pressure is so very strong.</p>
<p>It is hard to support an argument that has an “always” or “never” approach. According to the National Institute of Health, one in five college students doesn’t drink at all. So some parents who believe their kids aren’t drinking at college are correct. I’m not sure why people who believe/know their kids aren’t drinking at college are dismissed as head-in-the-sand fools so easily.</p>
<p>I like to drink (note my screen name ;)), but I would HATE living in a dorm with people stumbling in loudly 3 or 4 nights a week at 2:00 or 3:00 am making it impossible to get a good night’s sleep. That’s happened to me in hotels and it enrages me to lose 2 hours of sleep when I need a good night’s sleep. And I would HATE stepping around puke on the way to my morning shower. I think OP has a valid point - it’s a shame that a student, whether they don’t drink at all or just don’t drink to the point of getting wasted, is often stuck surrounded by these kinds of things in their freshman dorm. What a hassle. I doubt anyone here would want to live in a party dorm! Most people who don’t drink or drink responsibly wouldn’t want to deal with it. It’s boring, annoying, frustrating, stress inducing to be sober amongst a large group of absolutely drunk people. If freshmen are required to live on campus, it’s a drag that they have to navigate the hassle of living with/near really drunk people every weekend.</p>
<p>The colored maps indicate the exceptions to the under-21 prohibitions in each state, and you can see how difficult it is to determine whether any given college student is “breaking the law” or not by consuming alcohol in his dorm room.</p>
<p>For example, assuming that the information is correct, the map indicates that while “possession” of alcohol by an under 21-year-old is prohibited in Florida, “consumption” of alcohol and “internal possession” by the same student is not. It is difficult to understand exactly what this means; but it could mean that while a 18-20 has the legal right to be drunk, he can also be cited for holding a beer he has not even consumed. In other words, if the cops don’t find the evidence in your possession, you cannot be charged, even if you are puking drunk.</p>
<p>(I am not an expert in this subject, just providing a possible interpretation of the info).</p>