NEW SAT practice test #1 essay correction needed!

This essay is based on https://s3.amazonaws.com/KA-share/sat/2-5LS05E-PracticeEssay1.pdf
Passage and topics are all on the pdf file I attached address above.

As the time goes by, we are having less natural treasure to pas son to our next generation. In this passage, Jimmy Carter strongly agree with an idea of conserving the natural wilderness, specifically The Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, instead of destroying it for humans’ benefit.

Jimmy Carter supports his own idea by providing evidences related to his experience. He mentions his opportunity he had in the past to visit Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to provide how it is so full of lives and nature. By mentioning several species of animals, such as “caribou”, “muskox” and “calves”. To reinforce his statement, Jimmy mentioned that Arctic Refuge was “flooded with life with the sounds of grunting animals and clicking hooves filling the air.” as well as the part of argument, “The dramatic procession of the Porcupine caribou herd was a once in a life time wildlife spectacle.”
The truth is that “countless numbers of animals depend on this northernmost terrestrial ecosystem” which refers to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. To prove that he, himself has affection and pathos towards both nature and animals, he “signed the Arctic National Interest Lands Conservation Act” which was to “double the size of the former range and restrict development in area that are clearly incompatible with oil exploration.”
The second fact he mentioned is that "“Arctic Refuge might provide 1 to 2 percent of the oil our country consumer each day.” By saying this, he encourages people to find ways of conservation rather than causing a disturbance.

He successfully built a strong connection between his claim ad evidence by writing down what he saw and felt after and during his precious experience as a visitor to The Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and also as a signer of the law to preserve The Arctic Refuge as well as to ban people from destroying it. Jimmy also added how great if could be if we can preserve and protect Arctic Refuge “in its pure,untrammeled state” for our future generation to show people that maintaining the nature will do no harm but all good.

His choice of words are so perfect to plea and touch readers’ hearts. Addition of words that describe nature and wild such as “never setting sun” and “windswept coastal plain” plays an important role to create visual effect on readers’ minds. Furthermore, utilizing words that apparently shows opposition, just like “areas that are incompatible with oil exploration” and “tremendous opposition by the American people” strengthen the idea that not only Jimmy Carter, but also other people disagree with destruction of Arctic Refuge for our benefits.He appeals that wilderness of Arctic Refuge should not be destroyed by saying that it is a “heart of our greatest refuge” to remind people how valuable and important it is.

Jimmy Carter’s writing is such a great piece as well as a reminder for readers to realize value and vitality of natural wilderness, especially The Arctic National Wildlife Refuge for everyone and everything.
Jimmy’s strong writing that appeals to readers’ minds will surely make readers find themselves nodding along the passage proceeds.

The scores are supposed to divided by 4/4/4 (reading/analysis/writing) so total of 12.
It is my first time trying writing essay for NEW SAT and I am not even native English speaker so I know that my essay still needs much improvements. It will be nice if you can correct them or tell me what I should do and what I should NOT do again in essay.
Thanks in advance!