<p>"D" has a cute little tattoo on her foot. She got it when she turned 18 and I did not have a problem with it. I think Friday night, she added on to it just a little bit. She had a bad day and she had been talking about it recently. I saw a debit on her account for "Ink Monkey" in Venice. Call me stupid, but that sounds like a tattoo place to me. Anyway, would this bug you as a parent or not? D is a really good kid and I'm not sure if I would be overreacting by giving her a piece of my mind.</p>
<p>And no....she doesn't plan on shaving her head next.............. :)</p>
<p>I think you could file this under the "too late!" heading. What would getting angry accomplish? I assume you're not too happy about this, or you wouldn't be asking.<br>
I think I might express my concerns about the actual establishment - warn her that not all tattoo parlors are equal when it comes to health risk, and that she really should investigate the establishment before she does something like this again and not act impulsively. Since she's had one before, she probably knows how to treat them at this point and what to look for if it's not healing. But to be upset about the actual marking on her foot, I don't think you have much to gain by going that route.
You want to stay close, and stay open to communication. I don't think she'll find concern for her health an overly protective stance. On the other hand, disapproving of her choice because you're not crazy about the whole idea of a tattoo (and I'm not either, so I understand) probably will not change her mind or her actions.
At least if it's on her foot, she can cover it up when she wants to (when she is 35 and going for that important interview ;) )</p>
<p>also - I assumed that she is paying for this artistic expression, and that it's not coming out of your pocket. That would be understood, at our house.</p>
<p>If you didn't have a problem with the tattoo in the first place, what is it that concerns you now? That she is adding to it or getting a second tattoo? What would be accomplished by "giving her a piece of [your] mind"? Is she likely to show you her new ink next time you see her? That would be the time to tell her whether you like it or not, or approve or not. I would not say anything now, but would wait to see if she mentions it or offers to show it to me before giving her my opinion.</p>
<p>Now, if she's using your money for this, and didn't talk it over to get your approval before spending the money on it, especially if you might not approve, that might be a different matter altogether. What understanding do you have with each other in terms of whose debit account this is, and whether you're going to be monitoring the expenses from it?</p>
<p>My concern is her adding to it. I'm not a fan of tattoos; however, I will admit the first one is kinda cute and everyone seems to like it. Now she added a horseshoe around the 4-leaf clover for good luck. With only the clover everyone kept asking her if she was irish. (Not that there is anything wrong with being Irish. She just isn't.)<br>
Anyway, my 2nd concern is this. She got it last Friday night, which was the same day she called my really upset about a not so perfect test grade. I don't want her running to the nearest tattoo parlor everytime something doesn't go her way. Not saying this is what happened, but she spent quite a bit of money on other things that day too. </p>
<p>I'm just hoping I'm not going to look at her foot someday and see
Hearts, stars & horseshoes
Clovers and blue moons
Pots of gold & rainbows
and me red balloon. :o</p>
<p>If she is of legal age (that's 18 right?), knows to use only reputable places, pays with her own money....there's probably not much to say. I have told my daughter that I sincerely hope she never gets anything tattooed, but if she did at her age (over 21), not much I could say. My biggest issues with it are twofold--one is the health concern, which should be moot if it is a reputable establishment. The second is that I worked as a nurse and saw such pitiful examples of tattoos on sagging, aging bodies---really look bad. A friend's daughter got a fairly decent sized one on the back of her neck. Her mother was horrified. The d. pointed out that her hair covered it and it only showed when she wanted to style her hair so that it did. The mom exclaimed "And you think you are going to wear your hair like you do at 19 the rest of your life?!" I honestly don't think the girl had even thought about it. So some day she will be this little white haired lady, sitting in church with this thing crawling up the back of her neck.</p>
<p>I think that since she's an adult, it's her business unless you're providing her an allowance with some restrictions about what she can use the money for.</p>
<p>I think I understand your real concern - that this was a response to an emotional upset that may have been handled in a better way, and what that portends for the future. That, I think is a conversation you could have - but not one I would have while she's at school and you're at home. Wait until a vacation when you are in a good place to talk heart to heart. Tell her what your concerns are, for her emotional health. Let her know you are there to talk to when (not IF) things get rough at times.</p>
<p>College is a time when kids find different ways of coping with stress. Maybe this made her feel in control. Talking about these kinds of things may help her see her actions in a more mature light.</p>
<p>I suppose. I did text her and ask if she got a new tattoo. She replied and said she added the horseshoe and it looks a lot better and now it's lucky. I will probably let this go and just get over it. In the scheme of things, it's not really that big of a deal i guess.</p>
<p>The tattoo isn't a big deal, but it seems like something may be bothering her. I guess I'd want to know more about the "bad day" and maybe help her gain some perspective. Is she feeling overwhelmed by workload, friends, missing home, etc? Maybe just open the lines of communication and see what happens. Good luck, momoney - we've all been there.</p>
<p>A.S.A.P. Exactly! We had such a wonderful, positive conversation an hour or so before she went out and did this. I know she has been wanting this tatoo since she confronted me with a couple of weeks before doing it. It's probably coincidental that she got it this particular evening. I knew about her wanting the first one too; but again, she did it without my knowledge. She could have told me and I wouldn't have said no. I probably would have given her my concerns (all those mentioned above regarding health and safety issues), which in all likelihood would have made her "feel" guilty or something and she just didn't want to face that feeling. We have a very open relationship and she knows she can come to me with anything yet I still think she keeps a lot to herself.</p>
<p>Sometimes when mothers and daughters are very close, little acts of independence seem important to the daughters. She may have wanted to tell you, but was afraid your reaction would make her feel more dependent. I can also see where a tattoo might make her feel more in control of her own life. It might be interesting to talk about some of this when she' s home for spring break - to see what her reasons were, without judging.<br>
Tattoos seem like no-biggie for this generation of kids. I think now that the establishments must be licensed and are held to strict standards, a lot of the anti-establishment signals have waned, and they are almost mainstream. At least among those under 30!</p>
<p>It would bug me as a parent if my kid's reaction (even if the kid was 18 or 21 or 30) to an incidental stress was to get a permanent tattoo. I don't think it's a sound way to address the stress and there's too high a likelihood the kid will regret it later versus a well-planned tattoo. She'd be better off going and working out for an hour or four.</p>
<p>Maybe this was concidental in your D though.</p>
<p>Oh, goodness, a little tattoo and she's over 18. I wouldn't fuss. But the story did remind about a year ago one of my "girls" (neighborhood kid without parents involved in her life) came to my house. She was 16 at the time and was living with her grandmother in another city. I noticed something on her back. I asked what it was and she showed me a tattoo that covered at least a quarter, if not a third of her back and says "Unique". I asked if she had her grandmother's permissions and she said no and that she was certain her grandmother would never notice it. I did, why wouldn't her grandmother and how did she get it without permission. I then learned she was had gotten a fake I.D. Yikes. (And she then let it slip she'd been staying in Oakland with her boyfriend, playing house in a vacationing relative's empty home). I called her grandmother, thinking her grandmother would rein her in, but instead grandma kicked her out on to the streets. Though the girl was furious with me she did come stay with me until she found another relative who would take her in and eventually admitted that she'd done it because she hated living with grandma. She's now living with another relative and hopefully will graduate from high school this year. And I hear she's even applying to colleges.<br>
I guess the moral of the story..things could always be worse. And 18 year olds make their decisions and there's not much one can do.</p>
<p>ucsd/ucla dad: I agree with you and I think that's part of the reason I was upset. However, as I said before, she told me just a couple of weeks ago she had plans of adding the horse shoe around the clover, so I'm gonna believe it was just coincidental that it happened when it did. My "D" has never had a rebellous bone in her body.....with exception to the summer before college. Oh boy did she test the waters. </p>
<p>Oaklandmom: ok..... your story scared me a little.</p>
<p>The daughter of a good friend of mine just got a <em>huge</em> (according to the mom, I haven't seen it) tattoo on her back. She is over 18, spent her own money. My friend is not happy about it, but her husband's attitude was, well, at least she didn't get a sex change (which is what another girl they know, a year older, has done) . . .</p>