<h1>10. We hope that DS can get one of those BUF-PDX "cheaper" airfares for a big family gathering. Unbelieveable the difference in ticket prices between YYZ-PDX vs BUF-PDX.</h1>
<p>Wow does all this sound familiar. Going through same thing here. Trying to tread so lightly, but if I get an email, which is always short, but sweet and funny, I am thrilled and end up probably writing back too much. Then I worry about that. Even my mother has reminded me that she eventually just stopped reading her mother's long frequent letters. We text if we really need to get to her. She seems willing to have us call whenever we want, but doesn't give us any particular day. Calling does seem the most intrusive, but to hear their voices is so great, isn't it? But then you can read so much into a voice if it's not overly happy at the moment, and you will go to bed worrying. One of the biggest adjustments for me is listening to all the other people who don't have college students remind me that I need to stay back, articles every day about "helicopter parents" - concerned looks for how I must be coping... It is a tightrope walk, this new way of communicating with your child and the boundaries you are supposed to keep. I would suggest to keep finding other people who are going through the same thing or have already and can at least get the picture of how you're feeling. Like those on this thread! It is a lonely experience and very personal, as well. I'm sure the personality of the child also plays a big part. Plus, they don't really get how you are feeling on the other end of the phone. They don't get it at all. And it's just as well. To the first poster, congratulate yourself on the fact she is not calling you every day, because it does mean she was raised to feel she can handle things on her own. I did that on the third day and it made me feel much better. Then we texted - "Call us tonight - please!"</p>
<p>And one more thing - let them feel like they're the ones initiating the contact. In other words, just wait as long as you can. Plus, just listen. My daughter will talk most when I have not asked a question. You may not hear the answers to questions like whether she's eaten breakfast even once in the dining hall or caught up on her reading, but you will hear some surprising and wonderful little tidbits you would never think to ask. In the meantime, I am suffering and pathetically going on the college's website way too often.</p>
<p>Oh, tia3, I go on the college website all the time too. I know who 2 of my son's profs are so I read all about them. It is sort of pathetic, I guess, but harmless. And I probably send too many e-mails, but at least he can read--or not read--these any time he chooses. I loved being in college and having so much freedom and privacy (from my beloved parents) and being away from my HS and my hometown and starting fresh, so I'm trying to honor his privacy, but I certainly want him to know I'm thinking of him and interested in any crumb of info he wants to share. It is a balancing act.</p>
<p>There's nothing "pathetic" about reading the college website and reading about your S's profs. I do that, too. That's a nice way, I think, of staying in touch.</p>
<p>I peruse the college website as well.</p>
<p>I can't say how I'll handle this becase DS has been away on school organized wilderness orientation trip. I assumed there was no electronic connection there; and even if there were, I wouldn't dream of intruding there, as I'm sure none of you would.</p>
<p>He gets back today (which I know from orientation schedule on website, hehe), and I have no idea when he'll choose to contact us. I will wait.</p>
<p>However, one thing I will say is that my kids were raised knowing I have emotional needs too. Sometimes that was oppressive to them; sometimes it was a godsend, as in, "No, I can't go to a club with a mosh pit when I'm only 15 because my MOM is the anxious sort," when they didn't want to go anyway.</p>
<p>I have always tried to be respectful and empathetic; neither gets exasperated with me, so I guess I've succeeded. However I have never tried to be GOOD. I will do what makes me comfortable without laying guilt, as in, you are not wrong, this is strictly my need. Therefore, if I was not satisfied with contact and really suffering I would head up to school and just show up and make sure kid had a face to face chat with me. I know this is not feasible for everyone, but when we were making final decisions about schools we discovered that with airline discounts, etc. it was actually cheaper to get to Chicago from LI than to Williamstown, MA where DS is after considering cost of ferry, gas, tolls, etc. Most places are a daytrip away if air transport is used. (No, I'm not rich, am struggling financially with two tuitions.) </p>
<p>My kids know I take things into my own hands. However, I would not guilt trip, as in "look what you made me do." I would stress, "I so needed to hear your voice that I had to come. I feel better. Love you sweetie." And off they'd go.</p>
<p>BTW: I also took in all the strays (friends with parental problems) and my emotional availabilty -- openness is legendary in our town. I am lucky both my kids appreciate it, although it often comes with a patronizing pat on the head. That's okay with me, because emotional contact is a need of mine; I can't breathe without it, and I'm not going to pretend this isn't true, even with my kids. In return, I try to meet their needs and respect their own styles and ways of doing things.</p>
<p>Been through this twice already!
Best way to be prepared is to read the college website, read the student newspaper online,know about the colleges activities schedule. That way you can send a quick informative email that might spark their interest.I've even developed an interest in bifg time college football, as its one of S's areas of interest.
No news can be good news...at least you havent received what I like to term the "dump call", where your student calls you, dumps all their problems on you.you spend sleepless nights worrying, you call them back and they are fine, they can't even remember having the conversation with you!
Trust me, if anything is really wrong, you'll get a call.
Somehow, connect with them long enough to make a verbal contract for once a week communications.No ifs and or but's.You need to know they are alive and breathing at least once a week. Sundays, usually pre dinner time seems to work well for us.
Try stepping back, not communicating for awhile, even though its hard. Your student may be so used to the one sided communication from you, when they see its not there they just might contact you instead and say something like...where have you been?
It might not be of any comfort to you now, but it does get better as they age,settle down socially and get used to their school routine.
I've found in the past the hardest thing to get used to having college aged kids is the fact that you are not involved in their minute to minute,day to day lives anymore.They make decisions without you, you don't know their friends, or romantic partners.Its tough, but you get used to it.
Oh by the way, not returning Grandma's phone call is a no no.Thats a given.</p>
<p>This thread gave me a chuckle this morning. D1 was driving to Target to locate a hard-sided sunglass case because when I moved her in a couple of weeks ago, I left my sunglasses in the sunglass compartment in her car. So she wanted to get something safe to send them back to me in (they're expensive, and I take good care of them). She decided to call me so she had someone to talk to on her 15-minute drive (she has an earpiece she uses) because she was 'bored'. The first show of the season of the View had just come on (I don't normally watch it, but wanted to see how Whoopie would do), and I almost said, "Can we talk later?" But I thought about all the parents here who would have cherished a 15-minute phone call, and stayed on the line, putting the TV on mute.</p>
<p>When I figured she'd had enough time to get there, I asked, "Aren't you there yet?" She said, "Yea, I'm in the store now; I'm one of those obnoxious people talking to you, while I'm shopping, with an earpiece on." She asked me (finally) what I was doing, and I told her watching the View (she loves the show), and then rshe ealized she was missing the season premiere. She asked who was on; I told her Danny DeVito and she asked me if he was drunk. I looked up and saw (mute still on) that he was holding a wine bottle and told her this. We both had a good laugh (the wine bottle was true), then her reception started to get bad and we finished the call. Of course, Danny DeVito was done by then. Oh, well.</p>
<p>This is college senior daughter, who as a freshman, had a more difficult time adjusting and tended to call more often.</p>