<p>We're looking for opinions and stories about Family Weekends at universities across the country. This is for an upcoming column in the Sunday New York Times. Please reach out via Private Message if you've got stories or opinions about Family Weekend at your school. </p>
<p>This query made me think of a letter-to-the-editor that I read in a local college’s newspaper several years ago. The mother of a student had written to complain about her daughter’s dorm-mates and the college’s policy pertaining to parents-as-guests. Apparently the mother was visiting for Family Weekend. The daughter had elected to go to a party without Mom for the evening, so the mother had gone alone to a movie. When Mom returned to the daughter’s dorm (where she was staying) ahead of her daughter, the vigilant dorm-mates would not let her upstairs without her daughter, citing strict campus-wide visitor policies. In her letter to the college newspaper, the mother lambasted the students for their insensitivity and inflexibility. But I only wanted to lambast the DAUGHTER!! Who goes off to a party on Family Weekend, ignoring the visiting parent? </p>
<p>If this mother raised such an inconsiderate daughter (or was unable to see her darling child’s culpability here) I think that Ma got what she deserved. The mother should have been pointing the finger at her own kid and not at the other denizens of the dorm.</p>
<p>Would CC members ever treat Family Weekend guests that way? </p>
<p>As a student 6 hours from home, if I wasn’t going to spend Family/Parent’s Weekend with my mom and dad, I wouldn’t let them come all the way here! And they’d be darned angry if I let them! This year I actually decided to leave with my parents and go on a little weekend trip, and we had such a good time! I was so ready to see them, it was actually a relief when they got there. The thought of going to a party when my parents came all that way is just… I can’t even consider that. And my mom certainly would be telling me how offended she was as she drove me back home to go to our local University or our Technical College.</p>
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<p>LOL! That’s refreshing to hear from a student. I was worried that I might be viewed as old-fashioned for thinking it was rude of that young woman to ditch her mom on Family Weekend.</p>
<p>As a parent, I took my daughter and her friends out to dinner on parents weekend…but then she did her own thing that evening…which if you think about it, is good, because that means she has friends to go out with!</p>
<p>I think part of it is the relationship the student has with her mother. My mom and I are very close, and I was used to going home every day and telling her what I did (she still gets some of that via text from college!). So for me, her being here and getting to see her again was the highlight of my month, and I’d been looking forward to it so much, there wouldn’t have been an even that could have pulled me away.</p>
<p>I suppose that I could understand that a daughter maybe not as close to her mother or close in a different way may not have that type of relationship, and both mom and daughter would understand that.</p>
<p>I think it’s rude for the daughter to abandon the parent like that no doubt… but if neither her own child nor her roommates can tolerate the mother, maybe there’s more to the story…</p>
<p>I don’t know. I worry about my kids socializing enough with friends, so I don’t know that I’d be offended if there were plans already in place to do something fun. </p>
<p>I think that it was inappropriate to send the mom to the movie alone while the daughter socialized without her. But, on the other hand, I realize that many college kids socialize so late, that I could probably spend a Family Weekend evening with my son and then be more than ready to hit the hay before his college parties were even getting started. </p>
<p>I remember that back in the days when I had to routinely interview college students by telephone, it wasn’t unusual for me to try unsuccessfully to track down a student during the day then finally get a call-back at 11 p.m. … one that would often wake me up. But I’d do the interview anyway, half asleep, and then the student would invariably sign off with something like, “Have a great night!” as if the night were still young. ;-)</p>
<p>In the case of the mother in my earlier post, I doubt that that’s what happened, but I bet that most college kids can do something fun and also hang out with a parent, all on the the very same evening!</p>
<p>Honestly, Family Weekends, or Parent Weekends as they are called at my alma mater, are just a marketing tool to get people to spend money on campus. To convince parents they are spending money the right way.</p>
<p>But - creepy - having parents stay in the dorms? Yikes!</p>
<p>“But - creepy - having parents stay in the dorms? Yikes!”</p>
<p>Really. And I’m a parent. </p>
<p>I like that my kid’s school in Southern California has Family Weekend in February. 
Northern schools have to do it int the fall to beat snow & rain. Nice to wait until it is mid-winter for the rest of us!</p>
<p>I find them kind of hokey. They are for gushing, proud parents. And yet, I attend if I can.</p>
<p>I find my parental role changing and I’m not caring as much about it. My S didn’t want us at his school. I guess partying was too important. Fine. I don’t care. Just don’t call me for money.</p>
<p>My D wants us at hers but she’s so super involved and has midterms to study for, etc., that she can’t be with us.</p>
<p>Then, my wife and I are sitting there listening to some lecture that I really don’t care about.</p>
<p>I’d change family weekend into a parents party. Forget the kids for a weekend, parents are most likely paying the $20K-$40K that schools cost these days, here’s a keg party for you guys. Come to campus and party like its 1999.</p>
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<p>yes! this is my kids. We’d take them to dinner, hang out, do whatever and be ready for bed just about the time they were ready to go meet up with friends. Worked perfectly.</p>
<p>Actually, last time we were ready for bed BEFORE they were ready to go meet up with friends. le sigh.</p>
<p>I think that the mom staying overnight in the child’s dorm room is the problem, not the kid going off in the evening without mom! But then I have boys… </p>
<p>The mother should have had common sense and stayed at a local hotel/motel off campus. To stay at the dorm crossed the boundaries of the roommates. How completely clueless. And the daughter was selfish to send mom off to the movies alone. If she wanted to party, she should have waited until she and mom parted ways after a nice dinner out.</p>
<p>I think some people are just socially awkward. Forget about the parent/child dynamic for a second – why invite someone to come visit you from many miles away if you don’t want to spend any time with them? Why would you, a parent, sleep in a dorm with a bunch of college kids even for one night? (I am assuming that this is a dorm like my own, a small room with two beds and minimal furniture). If you cannot afford a hotel, you cannot afford the trip. </p>
<p>I understand spending time with mother at first and then going out to a party later, but if you don’t have any activities planned with your visitor then don’t have them visit in the first place. Can you imagine, as an adult, inviting a good friend to fly in from across the country to visit you and when they arrive just packing them off to see a movie alone with you? If it was me, I would be like, 'If I wanted to watch a movie and cry silent tears I could do that at home with my Pay-Per-View."</p>
<p>These are the kinds of people who don’t signal when they merge into traffic. </p>
<p>In the olden days when my mom came (early '90s) she did stay in my room; I had a single and I borrowed a cot from guest services (that was commonly done for my dorm). I wanted to be with her the whole time, and at one point, I said something like, “do you want to go skating” and she said, “sure, what will you be doing?” and I was like, “Um, I meant together”. 
So not all separations are caused by the child, let’s just point out! Needless to say, we went together. Then she fell and we spent part of the time in the infirmary, but that’s another story…</p>