<p>^This was exactly my thinking.
Unless the NCP is seriously insane, a kid that plays nice is likely to be in the NCP’s life.
At this time, the attitude of taking the NCP back to court for school payments is more likely to drive the NCP and the kid further apart.
I am not saying that divorce arrangements should not specify funds for higher education, what I am saying is that when things are already arranged and “set” in a certain way for, say, one year and a half, it is easier to get more cooperation from the NCP by playing nice than by playing tough.</p>
<p>I do not agree. MANY times, a second wife will WANT to cut relationships and/or reserve all funds for her kids.</p>
<p>I think it is awful, that OP comes here for help, says that neither she nor the kid has done anything to deserve this, and yet people still think NCPs dont do this and blame the kids. Children of divorce get less help from their parents for college, on average, than children of intact families.</p>
<p>It can go either way. I’ve seen it. When the kids are cut loose from the custodial parent, off to school, or whatever, sometimes a relationship can be started with the NCP. The problem is often the acrimony between the exes. </p>
<p>But as Kayf as pointed out, there is also the situation where the second wife wants the kids from the first marriage out of the picture and will do what she can to keep things that way. </p>
<p>Hopefully, some attempt is made for the OP’s boys to get some sort of positive relationship with the father. That doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll pay for any of the college, however.</p>
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<p>Wait- you mean one spouse thinks they were in the entirely right in a divorce!?</p>
<p>There are two possibilities here.
The NCP father is just being capricious in cutting off the son: in which case the son meeting with him at a Chipotle for 45 minutes will do no good. Neither will anything else, so you are no worse off. </p>
<p>The NCP father has some grievances that can do with fence-mending. Son and father come to a rapprochement and he agrees to kick. EV = $200K.</p>
<p>Arg – what makes you think the father will even meet wih the kid?</p>
<p>I do not agree. MANY times, a second wife will WANT to cut relationships and/or reserve all funds for her kids.</p>
<p>I agree. But, usually that’s when you’re dealing with more normal incomes. When a man earns $2M a year, there’s plenty of money for both. Even if he’s paying $100k per year for child support, the new wife can’t claim that it’s too hard for her and her kids to live on 1.9 M !!</p>
<p>You would be suprised. Hedge fund king Stephen Cohen bougth coop apartments for his wife’s kids.</p>
<p>There is no assurance that the father in this situation would even meet with the kids. But, he might, when the mother is out of the picture and the kid so lets him know. Meeting the kid and paying for the college costs are whole different issues and one does not mean the other by a long stretch. But a meeting could lead to more; it’s possible and maybe some help though I agree it is far fetched that he will agree to pay the college tab. </p>
<p>My friend’s DH who refused to pay for college loved to play Santa Claus whenever he felt like it and would spend generously; it did not have to be Christmas. But one whiff or mention of his ex wife and that would be the end of any generousity. Not an enviable situation.</p>
<p>One of my suitemates at college was at her father’s beck and call or he would not pay. There were all sorts of stipulations to get his checks, and her brother was cut off because he refused to have anything to do with him. He never did finish college.</p>
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<p>The kid could offer to pay for the burritos. And limit him to tap water to show his frugality. </p>
<p>Look if the guys says No then he is out 5 minutes for a phone call. If they patch things up he is up $200,000 and he has a father back in his life. Seems like a straight forward equation.</p>
<p>I still think it’s weird that the OP (the ex-wife) was able to speak with the ex-H and get him to fill out the NPC forms, but he won’t speak to the kids???</p>
<p>What on earth are you smoking? It’s a long way from burritos and water, even a hello meeting, and paying $200K! I agree that the OP’s sons should start trying to get some sort of relationship going with their father, but it won’t go far, if they are doing this just to get some money out of him. Young adults this age are pretty transparent, IMO and Dad is likely to be wary. Better just to start slow and see how it goes.</p>
<p>Mom2collegekids, I don’t find it odd at all. If the kids or the OP emailed the directions and what to do, he figured he would do so, especially since the request probably said the kids would get nothing if he did not. Though he is not offering to pay, he is receptive to others paying for them. He probably toes the line in what he HAS to do, My friend’s ex filled out the forms too. But refused to pay anything towards college. Said that my friend should have been saving it out of the child support, and that because he had to pay, court ordered for private high school (since the kids were in there at the time of the split, and had been since Kindergarten), he was not paying for college, as his choice would have been to have had them go to public high school and saved that money for college.</p>
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<p>meet me for burritos</p>
<p>I don’t eat burritos. And I don’t give out $200K. Maybe the water.</p>
<p>oh a tough nut. I like a challenge. </p>
<p>"Dad, I realize the error of my ways. I want to be a 2 million dollar man like you, and that why I even dared dream of applying to Tufts. I just know it can give me a chance at being a success and making you proud. </p>
<p>My mom took me to her JC where a lot of people seem to be getting their lives back on track, I guess. I’d felt out of place without ankle bracket monitor though. But I didnt get invited to join the cutter’s club so I guess maybe I can put together some sort of a life there. </p>
<p>Wanna have a catch?</p>
<p>Like we used to…"</p>
<p>As I said, Arg, my advice would be for the sons to get in touch with dad, totally outside of mom, and see how it goes. In most all of such cases, some relationship has been established. I am an older woman and have seen a lot of this. Half of the moms I know are divorced, half of my kids’ friends are from split families. So one sees this a lot. I’m in a state that does require support through college, which does help somewhat, but not as much as one would think. The NPCs do often end up giving some hand outs, but rarely, if ever, full $200K. </p>
<p>Some of my friends are hurting pretty badly, as some of their kids are back with Dad but he still isn’t paying. It’s a tough situation. I have one friend whose ex did not pay for college, her second husband did. Also step dad paid for a number of things, and was taking on the cost of the wedding. Danged if the D wanted bio dad to walk her down the aisle and be at the head table. These are the kinds of things that happen in split family situations. It can get very ugly and hurt a lot of people. I’ve seen way too much of it, and cried with many a friend.</p>
<p>My point is similar to that made by Argbargy. I am not trying to assign blame to anyone, I am just saying that given the current state of affairs, it may be more productive for the kid to play nice than to play tough.</p>
<p>I haven’t read through the entire thread so I’m not sure if someone had mentioned this already, but you can try to get the NCP profile waived. If there is no contact, you explain the situation, and provide evidence from a third party, some schools will waive the requirement. I did this and was able to have the NCP profile waived at NYU and Boston U.</p>
<p>The dad pays child support, so the whole “no contact” issue really doesn’t apply. the CP knows where he is, and the schools already know that he earns a lot of money. Why would they grant a waiver just because a dad doesn’t want to pay?</p>
<p>The likelihood of getting the NCP form waived when the NCP has already completed it AND when the kids have received child support up to age 18 is about zero chance in my opinion.</p>