<p>I am currently a sophomore, but I very frequently feel lonely. It is not that I am afraid to meet new people. I love doing so, and have joined a few clubs and a service fraternity. However, I am unsure which part of my personality people find unfitting, because while I have been part of these many clubs, almost every conversation I have had is on the superficial level. I have tried many ways: To be myself (which says random things that I find funny but I thought people would appreciate, but it doesnt seem to work), or to appear cool and confident, but nothing seems to work. I have tried my best and asked people to have lunch together. Sometimes they come; sometimes they say, this week I am busy, but I will let you know next week and never follow through. The time when someone actually comes out, we talk, and afterward maybe hanging out one or twice more, and then that is it. I am afraid to do invite people more to lunch and dinner because 1) people keep turning me down (not all, but some) because of busy schedules, 2) Eating out is expensive, and I cant cook, 3) I am afraid of looking desperate/ trying to hard when inviting people to stuff multiple time and they dont. I have yet to find close friends here despite occasionally having some deep conversations, and dont know how other people could fit in, and have a group of friends with ease.
Would you guys mind providing your thought on how I should go about making friends and maintaining those friendships?</p>
<p>I think every close friendship I ever had after the age of 12 began when a person and I discovered we were passionate fans of certain TV shows, movies, novelists, or music (especially music). Is there anything like that in your life?</p>
<p>I agree with WasatchWriter, and to add on for me in college some of my friends just kind of started developing after repeated exposures to each other. Like the more I’d see them in my lounge or see them walking by my room, we would have small talk but it would evolve as time went on to form real relationships</p>
<p>Just look at grown ups. They don’t have any real friends. You get married and then friends don’t matter anymore. So after you leave high school nobody really cares about you. Except for the person you are going to marry. Then when you get a family they are what is important. But most grown ups only see their real friends one time a year or less.</p>
<p>If people don’t like you because you’re being yourself then those people are not who you want to be friends with. I’m like you VERY random, and for some reason my roommates think that I’m hilarious. You’ll find some people to hang out with eventually, why don’t you try finding people like you? :)</p>
<p>Just focus on yourself and when a friend comes along, he/she will come along.</p>
<p>Don’t get beat up over not having a close friend. Just stick to your close Facebook friends and keep an open mind to the ones around you.</p>
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<p>That’s not true… I think one thing about being an adult is changing the definitions of what a close friend is. In high school, you’re exposed to your close friends a lot… maybe every day? When you become an adult, you have work, school, maybe a significant other or a family to take care of. It doesn’t mean you won’t have any real friends, it just means you’ll probably see them less. That doesn’t make them any less of a friend.</p>
<p>In any case, to OP, you’re only a sophomore. Close – and genuine – friendships take a long time to build. I suggest you just keep being yourself and meeting new people and keeping in touch with old friends and see where it goes. It takes two to tango. If you put in the effort and the other party doesn’t, then move on and just keep it as “friends.” But please do remember, just keep inviting people out appropriately. I’m sure you’re socially capable of taking hints if people are truly uninterested and making excuses, or if they’re truly busy. </p>
<p>For me, I’m super busy and I feel bad for turning people down. But I can tell some people understand how genuine I am in feeling sorry, and it isn’t just some excuse and we still continue to talk continually through text to keep in touch.</p>
<p>I had a problem with this too my freshman year. I always had tons of really close friends in high school and throughout the first semester I felt like I hadn’t made any “real” friends yet and for that, along with other reasons, I freaked out and stopped hanging out with anyone at all. Now that I’ve started hanging with people again I’ve realized that 90% of college students don’t really have those close friends; I wasn’t the only one. It might seem like they do but most of it’s on the surface. I’m in a sorority now and I’m not as close to any of them as I was to my high school friends and I really think it’s rare to find that again in college and relationships over your adult life will take much longer to get that close. I’m friends with lots of girls who are “best friends” with each other and they definitely don’t have the same close relationship I had (and they probably had) with their close friends in high school.</p>
<p>In short what I’m saying is: keep trying but also realize it’s not as easy for everyone as you think. Even though a lot of people might put on the appearance of having tons of close friends when you get down to it they might not actually be as close as you think. Your current friends might consider you a closer friend than you consider them.</p>