I pledged a fraternity at an LAC which had a very high percentage of students in fraternities & sororities. When I realized that I would have to live in the fraternity house, I asked to have my status changed to “social brother”. This allowed me to live in co-ed dorms & avoid the animal house atmosphere of fraternity house life.
I enjoyed the best of both worlds as the students whom I met & lived with in the co-ed dorms were easily among the nicest & most interesting people whom I met during my college years.
My daughter had a similar situation. Honestly she got over it quicker than I did. I have no use for the Greek system at all.
She told me this year she is SO HAPPY now that she didn’t get in. Her friends who got a bid, several quit. One close friend chose to not even go back to school this year because of the sorority. Most of the fraternities are on probation or have lost their charter. The ones still in seem to be looking for any excuse to go out to get away from some of the obligations.
She says social media makes it seem like it’s such a perfect thing when in reality it’s not.
She joined a professional fraternity and has enjoyed it. She has a great group of friends not in Greek life and she has managed to stay friends with some in the Greek system but really does not enjoy their lifestyle since joining.
Sympathize with you OP. This situation sucks, particularly because it has split him from the friends he initially developed. He is entitled to mope for a couple of weeks, but there are other social opportunities for him to pursue. Life is full of rejection, fair or unfair, so we all need to learn to cope with this in a positive way. it’s part of the wonderful life learning experiences we get in college.
Fraternities are a blight on the college landscape, one of the reasons being what happened to your son.
I have to agree here. When I was in college, my boyfriend decided to pledge sophomore year. They gave him and his roommate both a bid. Well, halfway through the semester they rescinded his roommate’s bid, telling the kid that they only gave him a bid because he was my bf’s friend. That did it for me. There were many other things that ended up happening, including my bf failing a course because of all the crap he had to do as a pledge. I didn’t respect any of them and it ended up being a huge cause of our relationship ending 3 years later. I’m sorry about what happened to your son.
My son had an outstanding experience while in his fraternity at a top 10 national university. (Although his primary reason for joining this specific fraternity was not typical as he went with the fraternity which had the best chef on campus)
Serious students who also knew how to have fun without excluding anyone–members or not.
It is hard and fraternities vary so much by chapter and by school. When my son went to Executive academy he said there were several chapters of his fraternity he wouldn’t belong to and others where he would never have run for President. After talking to him he saw the gamut from Animal House type to tiny chapters with no houses; from no hazing to borderline crazy hazing; from exclusive to inclusive. I think is OP’s son is still interested next semester he can find a place where he will be happy.
Son has had totally positive experience and has a 4.0 in pre-vet curriculum; works for the physics department as an LA; etc.
I know there are many frats I wouldn’t want my son at. OP’s son will find his tribe in or out of a frat.
I had been worrying about this, first for my daughter, then for one of their roommates. Fortunately, both got bids. I am confident that before long, your son will find other GDI (that’s what they called themselves at my college G-d Damned Independent) guys to hang out with, and as pledging becomes less time consuming, he will reconnect with friends who are pledges. Also, sounds like good chance to bid in subsequent semester. That said, if he doesn’t live too far from home, I don’t think a weekend or two away from the pledge heavy weekends would be a bad idea.
Oh well that’s comforting, if you’re one of the few women who wants a house and doesn’t get one. At least at the cutthroat Southern sororities the women who gets rejected have company, but at USC the rejectee gets to know that she, individually, sucks and everyone hates her.
I’m so sorry that your son has to taste that bitter sense of rejection. It’s hard to look for silver linings at this point, but - as parents, we know that they’re there. I hope he finds them soon!
I was in a fraternity back in the day. We would vote on the rushees and reject them based on sometimes the most tenuous information. One guy at a house who doesn’t like someone is enough to keep him out. People got rejected for the stupidest reasons: “His favorite band is The Doors!” Your son shouldn’t feel bad about this. It can be so capricious.
My roommate freshman year keyed in on only one house and got rejected. He got a bid and joined a good house during the much lower-key late rush. My brother unexpectedly got rejected as a legacy, then stayed independent and made life-long friends through other commonalities. Many who do join get tired of it after a while and drift away junior and senior years. He still gets together with his friends every year 30 years later.
If your son stays friendly and active, he will connect with a good group naturally, and in a better way than the one week beauty pageant that is Greek rush.
I am sorry, too. It’s tough when they get “rejected” but it’s part of life. I suppose it starts with the college application process. Once in college, there’s more rejection–not picked for a special program, not accepted into a club, not getting an internship, etc. There’s also, for many kids, that first B … or C … or D. I think learning to roll with the punches, letting go of the disappointments and embracing the successes is part of the process. My S went to a school where even joining clubs was competitive. I still remember him not getting in to one club freshman year and how upset he (and I) was. Freshman year was, in fact, fairly rocky as a whole. But by sophomore year he’d found an eclectic cohort of friends and things were infinitely better. Your S can rush again if he wants, or forge his own path in other ways. His college journey (and yours by association) has only just begun.
The same thing happened to me. I was absolutely devastated. I went to a very small school & Greek life was big. I can tell you that it hurts a lot. I ended up getting a bid later, and I eventually was president (and later, chapter adviser). It doesn’t always turn out that way, and I am sure I would have been okay had I never gotten a bid. However, I can say that I was glad neither of my kids had any interest in rushing.
I don’t know if it is like that at all, someone added that particular caveat about having to be invited back after my post as a general comment, not specifically at USC. I am no Greek expert, that’s for sure, but it was my understanding if you are flexible with the houses you are willing to take, there is always a spot somewhere for anyone that rushes. But I am first to admit I don’t get the rush process at all, just what I was told by two bff’s whose kids went through it this year. They said everyone is able to get a house in the end. Might not be the house they want, but a house.
idk how it works exactly, but whether rejected individually or with others are both brutal for young people, and I felt sad for OP’s son, but think he will land in something else that fits him better.
Everyone can find a house. But you have to be realistic. If your a “dungeons and dragons” type you may not get an offer to the no. 1 party house. Find your “tribe” and go with it.
Has this changed since then? How? Are there more sororities now? Are the sororities bigger? Or is Hanna correct that still, not every woman who rushes for a sorority gets a bid?
Happened to my son last year. The fraternities that liked him, he wasn’t interested in. The one he wanted to pledge didn’t give him a bid. He was sad about it for weeks. But, got involved in other things on campus. then, the following spring that fraternity got kicked off campus for hazing.
He’s happy things went the way they did. He isn’t really a big drinker, and that seems to be a big part of the fraternity experience.