No friends at college

<p>Hi, everyone!</p>

<p>First off, this is going to be a long post, and I apologize for that in advance. There's just a lot going on, so some background story is probably relevant.</p>

<p>I'm a freshman here at my school, and so far, I hate it here. This was the only in state school I applied to, and so far, all of my fears about this place have been affirmed.</p>

<p>Honestly, for me, it's been really hard to meet people for several reasons. First and foremost, I have almost nothing in common with most people I've come into contact with except for the TA's within my major depts., which is pretty sad. I go to a big football school in SC, but I HATE football. To me, there is nothing more boring... well, except for maybe deer hunting. I only went here because my dad wanted me to stay close to home, but my therapist said that was probably the biggest mistake I could have made. Also, it seems that everybody here likes to go out on weekends to get trashed and have a good time, which would be fun on occasion. However, everybody goes down to a specific area of town to drink, and there is no way in HELL I'm going back to that area of town after multiple people tried to sell me crack, meth and hookers, and then another guy tried to mug my roommate.</p>

<p>Also, personally, I'm an introvert; unless you know me and I open up to you, I keep everything in (which ends up leading to my own demise... I just got diagnosed with Bipolar type II last week because I let so much stuff build up without talking to anyone, therefore causing me to end up in the psych unit at the local ER for a manic episode... first in my life). And my living situation doesn't really help anything. Because they ran out of space in the freshman residence halls, they put me and my also freshman roommate in an upperclassmen apartment. Don't get me wrong... I mean, these apartments are AMAZING; newly remodeled with brand new wood flooring, appliances, and an in-apartment washer and dryer. But because it is a small, somewhat isolated dorm, the only contact I have with others in the dorm is with my neighbors, one of whom, the one I actually get along with, is never there because she's always at her boyfriend's place and the other is, pardon the language, quite frankly a total *****. So I try to keep away from her. And there's no lounge/common area I can go hang out in to socialize with people.</p>

<p>I've tried to get involved on campus, but so far my attempts have been in vain. I'm a Russian and German double major because I LOVE Russia and German speaking countries (seeing as my mom is Swiss, especially), so the first clubs I checked out were the German club's "stammtisch" (just a casual hangout at a coffee house; no beer, unfortunately, as would be at a true stammtisch), the German film evening, and the "русский стол" (the same thing as the kaffeeklatch, but hosted by the Russian club, instead). At all of the coffee house meetings so far, I was the only undergrad student there. Languages are really my only true talent, so I can speak both pretty well; idk... maybe other undergrads are just intimidated? I wish those events were more active. The rest there at the events were grad students and professors. Then at the film nights, for the past 7 in a row, I've been the only one there. They show really good German movies, but it would be kind of nice if there was someone, even just one person, there to watch it with. I've looked into various other organizations, but the really active ones I really don't want to join (like the tailgating association and the pro-life organization - perhaps the biggest org. on campus... but I'm pro-choice). All the ones I do want to join are completely inactive, like the mountain biking club or the foreign film society, so I kind of feel stuck.</p>

<p>Anyway, all in all, it's not that I haven't made acquaintances. I have people in classes that I'm friendly with and all, but have nothing in common with whatsoever. The closest I've ever gotten to actually socializing outside of class is when one kid in my German class asked if I wanted to go smoke week with him later. Normally, I would (I smoke pot on very rare occasion, usually 0-2 times a year; really helps to relax if I'm so stressed I can't handle it... like the benzos I take, but better), but now that I've been diagnosed with Bipolar II because of severe depression and my recent manic episode, I have to get mental health evaluations once a month by the state department (since my school's a state school), and every time I go there, they have to do a drug test so they can make sure I'm taking my meds and not doing illegal street drugs.</p>

<p>But other than that, I have no true friends. What do you think I should do? Take a semester off? Transfer schools? Wait it out? I met with my therapist last week for the first time, and he told me about his initial impression of me. He said while I appeared content on the outside, he knew inside I was extremely unhappy, which I am. Extremely unhappy and completely depressed. He said I need to do whatever I need to do to change that, even if it means changing schools or taking a semester or a year off, because that will just exacerbate my Generalized anxiety and Bipolar depression, and my mom agreed. So suggestions would be welcome :)</p>

<p>Thanks for listening, guys, and again, sorry for such a long post!! :)</p>

<p>Why not try to do some recruiting for those clubs to get new members? I know you said you’re an introvert, but even making posters and hanging them up around the school where you are allowed to, chatting with classmates, etc. Maybe asking professors to make announcements in class about the next meeting times.</p>

<p>If your anxiety and stress are interfering with your classes and ability to enjoy the experience, then maybe a semester off would help. Take the time to go through counseling and do a lot of introspective work. If at any time you don’t feel your meds are actually helping you, talk to your doctor right away to see if there’s something else you can try.</p>

<p>If you feel like you are able to get through school and would rather not take a semester off, then maybe start searching for more compatible schools. You know now from first-hand experience what you do and don’t like about your college, which will make the next college search much easier than it was when you were in high school. Would your dad be supportive of this if it was to help you get through and enjoy yourself? Students tend to do better academically at schools/in classes they are happy with than ones they strongly dislike.</p>

<p>Hey, I feel for you. I’m kind of in the same boat. </p>

<p>I’m pretty quiet and very mature. My boyfriend is 25 and everyone I associate with (I’m in a professional singing group for $$) is late 20s to early 40’s. So I entered college as a Freshman and, due to health issues, I am living in adorm suite on the far side of campus. I can deal with that because I really get along with one of my roommates, so I occasionally have someone to talk with. But–but–but–</p>

<p>I applied to and was accepted by my present state school, it’s very academic and highly intellectual. As my dad (who was a professor!) says: “those egghead types”. Well, I’m intellectual myself, but that’s not my entire life. I like walking through the woods, watching nature videos, going out to community events like art festivals, fishing (catch and release, of course), flying kites at the nearby beach, and just…well, being normal. But the kids at my school–which, by the way, advertises “over 40 on-campus clubs”-- don’t participate in much of anything. They spend the vast majority of their time studying and having intellectual debates, and when they aren’t doing that they are smoking weed or drinking to relax, up until 3 am and sleeping until noon. Well, I don’t do substances, and I have a tendency toward GAD when I become super stressed and unbalanced. I need good sleep, a healthy diet, and a fairly consistent, balanced schedule. </p>

<p>So I find myself actually driving home (50 minute drive) on weekends just to get out and about and paddle the family kayak or go fora long bike ride, maybe go to the Indie movie house. If I stay on campus it’s just drinking, weed-smoking, and then more intellectual debates. It becomes very stale and oppressive.</p>

<p>It was my choice to go to this highly regarded-school and now I wish I had spent more time looking at other options. Tomorrow my parents and I are going to tour another state school about 90 miles away with the mindset that I may transfer. It doesn’t have the great academic rep of the one that I am in now, and the location isn’t as nice, but when I looked over the clubs and the college newspaper online, I read about students actually participating in fun things that I like–there were photos of students with backpacks who had hiked through a state park for the weekend, there was an interview of some members of the Nature Club (on weekends they go to various Audubon bird sites)…this made me start thinking that okay, so the students aren’t quite as wrapped up in their academics, but they have more outside interests and time to follow those interests, which can be a very good thing! </p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

<p>I know where you’re coming from. I have no friends at my current school at all, and hate the fact that I have to spend an entire two semesters here. I’m applying to several schools in January so I can transfer for next year. </p>

<p>It seems like transferring is your best option. I would stick it out for the rest of the semester and go elsewhere next year.</p>

<p>I’ll pretty echo the sentiments of the previous posters and say that I’m in the same boat as well. Except…after meeting some of these people, I’m not sure I would WANT to be friends with any of them. Meeting people at my college, combined with the fact that I absolutely hate my roommate now, makes me hate humanity a little more each day. </p>

<p>But I’m conflicted because…I absolutely love it here. The academics, I mean. I’m also in a BS/MD program so it’s still worth it to attend this school, regardless of the degenerates I have the utmost displeasure of calling my classmates. I take solace in the fact that half of them will most likely drop out and/or fail out. :)</p>

<p>OP: Like everybody else has said, transferring would probably be your best option.</p>

<p>^^^^^ I agree. Some of the people here aren’t worth knowing. Like an extended version of highschool. I’m a loner not by choice, but like thomasc93 said, I’m introverted and to really “get” me you have to get to know me. I wish I had more people to hang with, so far i have a few, but theyre not true friends…jusst people on the fly. I hpe to turn things around by being more outgoing next semester, you should try it too.
Fingers crossed</p>

<p>I am in a similar situation too Only problem is I am too social and I am needy and clingy towards my friends I run after the bad people and I chase the good people away from me. I get easily influenced by external things like frats and stuff but all I want is one friend and thats it and its hard any suggestions???</p>