<p>Dude, I'm in a bit of a sorry spot. I was in mostly advanced classes at my small, cliquey Catholic school, so most of my friends were seniors. Now, they're gone and I am in trouble. I spent the last few days of school (the seniors graduate early, of course) sitting alone at a lunch table. :( How embarrassing for a junior. </p>
<p>Ugh. It's hard for me, being social I mean. I might have been given a "doesn't play well with others" tag in pre-school. Lol. It seriously hurts my EC activities, I might even write an essay about the fact that I'm not that social and I have a hard time getting involved with things like that. I don't know if I'm just shy or if I seriously prefer the down-time and working alone. Whatever the case, it's the one thing keeping me out of top tier universities. Frustrating. </p>
<p>Anyway, senior year kind of looks like it's going to suck for me. Anybody out there in a similar position and can you offer any advice for me?</p>
<p>I’m kind of in the same boat. All of my closest friends were in the grade above. My advice would be make some friends in your grade, but I’ve done that. I technically have friends, I just don’t like them very much and would honestly rather not associate with them. My grade is tiny enough that I know everyone.</p>
<p>Do you have any friends in other grades? I’ve grown pretty close to some rising sophomores that are more mature than the rising seniors, haha. My courseload will be quite heavy next year so I’m just going to be spending a lot more time in the library.</p>
<p>Yea, I know a couple of rising juniors that are nicer to me. It’s always been hardest for me to make friends in <em>my</em> grade. I don’t know why. I really don’t even think they juniors would want me sitting next to them at lunch, though. I’ve been thinking I might even offer to TA during lunch so as to avoid the embarrassment that is sitting alone.</p>
<p>Yeah, same. I personally just dislike all of the people in my grade… but yes, TAing works! It’s more productive than socializing, anyway As long as you have other friends you really don’t need to befriend people in your grade if you don’t like them.</p>
<p>Sorry bro, I’m pretty much loved by all the guys and girls in my grade/in my school so I can’t help you. I get people begging me to sit with them at lunch and I occasionally have to beat them off with a stick. Sorry If this didn’t help I tend to talk about myself because i’m so amazing.</p>
<p>Lol. I’m being serious. Look, I’m not some kind of angsty goth sitting at home worshiping Bapthomet because no one else will even look at me. I’m simply a nerd who’s had a difficult time making friends over the years, to the point that I’m stuck in this situation. I like the “learning to be more open” advice. According to Myers-Briggs, I have an INTJ personality type. I like being alone but not to the extent of social isolation. Yet, even my horoscope sign says I’m the quiet type. :</p>
<p>I can relate. I’ve been pretty much alone for the 4 years i was in college (I’m INFJ) By the time of my graduation all my close friends has either changed majors or moved and being the only Asian in most of my classes didn’t help either. </p>
<p>My advice to you is, try to occupy yourself with a hobby, i mainly focused on Gym/jogged/running you’ll be surprsed how good it makes you feel. I also put the rest of my attention more on my acadamics. That is what college is to GET A GOOD EDUCATION. </p>
<p>And do not worry, you have your family you can lean on when you are lonely, or feeling down. This is a life experiment, a way to help you be INDEPENDENT in your future. :)</p>
<p>“To thyself be true”. Be who you are, not who you aren’t.</p>
<p>Many great minds exists in introverts. That’s why we as adults recognize introverts vs extroverts. </p>
<p>Being an introvert, ensure you can speak well (join Toastmasters or such if that’s a problem), self advocate, and as I say to my kids, always make good eye contact and give a firm handshake.</p>
<p>It will work out. I remember being worried before senior year because I had a bunch of friends who had graduated but it ultimately it wasn’t as hard to move on as I had imagined. It might be somewhat difficult at first, but as long as you are open to meeting new people it will happen. Sooner or later, the gaps the seniors left will fill. </p>
<p>I’m curious about Toastmasters because I’ve heard of it, but I don’t know what it is. I’ve also heard that it didn’t really help the shy kids that did it. If someone could explain this to me, that’d be great.</p>
<p>I appreciate the advice. I think what I need to start doing is growing independent of my parents. For example, my parents have been very generous with giving me gas money and paying for things (I don’t usually ask for much anyway). But I kinda wish they hadn’t, so that I would’ve been forced to get a job and put myself out there earlier. I really didn’t even think about getting one until this summer and it was too little, too late. If I ever have kids, I’d probably do things differently. Obviously, I have a lot to worry about before then. Lol.</p>
<p>Like I said, the pvt, Catholic school I go to is very cliquey. I had a hellish eighth grade due to bullying which culminated in myself and another kid getting suspended for fighting. All of this made it hard for me to make friends in High School. Obviously, I’m a 4.0 uw student and the teachers know I’m conscientious, but I’d say it’s better to have friends among my peers than among the faculty. Also, my EC’s suffer.</p>
<p>I have taken up hobbies that I am passionate about, but they’re not worth anything without me being able to share them with people. Thanks again for the help so far.</p>
<p>Just try to make friends in your classes if doing it during freetime is too stressful. I spent from 7th grade until halfway through 9th sitting by myself at lunch, but that didn’t make me a loner, because I definetly was friends with people (even those who were my age). Twice I just started hanging out with a group of people I knew from my classes and eventually just became a member. The first I discoverered I didn’t fit in, the second time I blended and still blend. It has to work eventually and if it doesn’t, then so what? You have one year before you go to college and have unlimited chances to meet new people.</p>
<p>It’s never too late to meet new people. I know by senior year, most people already have their “groups” but that doesn’t mean they’re not open to new people either. Make friends in your classes. But honestly, i think the best way is to join a club that you’re really interested in. You’ll meet people who have a lot of common with you, and you can just hit it off from there. </p>
<p>Nothing is wrong with being an introvert, but you can’t be an introvert ALL the time. Even if you don’t like socializing, you should at least KNOW how to socialize because you never know what life throws at you.</p>
<p>Don’t forget to make friends with the females at your school.You may be overlooking some great potential friends.
I hope you will check back in from time to time. I would love to know how you progress in the next year. There are a lot of people in this group who feel just like you do, but are not brave enough to admit it. I really admire you for speaking out!</p>
<p>UPDATE: Well, I’m happy to say that I have begun being a little more social this year. I still don’t have a job, but I have begun to break out of my shell to my XC mates and in my clubs. I also found a spot at a lunch table with my neighbor and my bro. I don’t really say much and some of the other kids might not understand why I’m there (they’re all juniors) but I feel like overall I am better at balancing my academics, sports, and social life. I’ve been to a couple of very low-key parties and I had fun. I did not go to homecoming. </p>
<p>I’m taking baby steps, but I am hoping I will finally get a job before the end of the year and I look forward to becoming more comfortable in conversation before college or whatever rolls around. Maybe (and this is a long shot), I will consider going to prom, but I’ll worry about that bridge when I come to it.</p>
<p>And I feel bad, I am really close friends with an kid who is one grade below me. He doesn’t have few to any other friends. I think about how it will kinda suck for him once I graduate (kinda worried that he will get himself in trouble and get beat up). But your story gives me some kind of hope for him.</p>
<p>you wrote this to me awhile back, and things like it:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>So but it seems you * were * settling for your circumstances after all. But now you’re * not *. You ended up acknowledging your disappointment with your circumstances, challenging them and ending the disillusioning cognitive dissonance, and it was hard, of course, very hard, but now it seems to be paying off! Because now you might be happier (better feeling, more energized, etc., etc.) than you were before, which is awesome. This is so great :). I’m so happy for you :).</p>
<p>It’s that simple. No one is going to be like “OMG HE OPENED HIS MOUTH!” or “OMGG HE STUTTERED A LITTLE!!” </p>
<p>The only way to talk with people is to…well…talk to them. </p>
<p>I’m pretty social, but I do eat lunch by myself 30% of time. I like to eat outside/do some work at the same time. Our school doesn’t let us eat in the library (understandable), and the lunchroom is not a place for thinking. </p>
<p>To me, at least, eating by yourself is not abnormal. Although when my friends do see me sitting alone they tease me haha. </p>
<p>Next time you catch some ones eye (i.e. maybe you’re the only two people in the boys bathroom?–alright, it sounds creepy, but I’ve said Hey to random people countless times), just say hey whatsup. You don’t even need to introduce yourself. </p>
<p>Now whenever they see you, you can give them “the nod”, and grow into friends. </p>
<p>I’d wish you luck, but I know you do not need it. You’ve acknowledge that you have distanced yourself from your peers (who cares? I do to), now it’s just time to say “HEYY I’M WISCONGENE!”</p>
As long as you have other friends you really don’t need to befriend people in your grade if you don’t like them.</p>