<p>Hey everyone, I've been at college for 10 days now and I don't have ANY friends, I eat alone, work-out alone, and on Friday night I had a pretend phone conversation because I didn't have anyone to go out with. I was pretty popular in high school and had a wide set of friends, but I realized that every single one of my HS friends became my friend because we played a sport together. Now I don't play sports in college, so I've tried intramural and club, but it's not the same. I can't make the same bond with them. I also really miss my family, I was closer to my family than 99 percent of the kids in my HS. I want to go home this weekend just to see them, but I know that it's bad to go home because you can't make friends there and it gives you a false sense of security. Every keeps telling me it will take time to get adjusted, but I don't know how long I can wait and I don't see how things will get better. I mean everyone already has friends and I don't. If anyone has any advice that's not cliche (join a club, say hi to someone in class) please let me know. Thank you for listening.</p>
<p>First of all, it will get better. Getting along with one’s family is a blessing, believe me. It is a safe place for you, where you can feel comfortable and free from the pressure you seem to feel to make friends. </p>
<p>Second, start by asking questions and remembering details about people. Most people like people who ask about them, and like people who seem to have something in common with them. Even if it seems difficult, take some chances and invite yourself to events that you see others doing - ask if you can join them. It may be awkward initially but sooner or later you’ll find others will reciprocate. Good luck!</p>
<p>When I first came to my high school, I didn’t know a single person and it was so difficult to make friends because it was a small private school and everyone literally grew up together from preschool. What I did was just say hi to some people in class that I sat next to and if they looked like they were a group of people I could see myself hanging out with, I would start a conversation (mine was about the weird things that happened to me over the summer). Later, I just asked if I could go eat lunch with them and we’ve been friends since. So though this may sound like cliche advice, it worked for me and I don’t think it would hurt for you to try.</p>
<p>I think it’s true there are lots of different cliques in college, some formal and some informal - like HS but times 100, and you can cross over to many at the same time based on common interests.</p>
<p>A couple ways to make it happen - ask if someone wants to form a study group, and yes join a club…are there any community projects, or religious based groups you would join? And do go talk to a student advisor or guidance counselor if you get really depressed, they deal with students just like you all the time.</p>
<p>OK if you want out of the box things that work. </p>
<p>First you need to decide if your depressed or just lonely. </p>
<p>If your depressed go see a counselor they are likely to have a lot of experience with students who are or were in the same situation that you find yourself in now. It’s only new to you, so often just the right guidance at that right time can help this from feeling any more overwhelming, and yes it can get better quickly.</p>
<p>If your just lonely - put yourself out there as much as you possibly can and see what happens. Your likely to be happy at how people want to help. You could even put a sign on you door saying “Friends Needed” in Bold, and then list In HS my friends and I played a sports together, Now I don’t play sports, and am trying to make figure out how to make friends. Here are my other interests. Let’s be friends. I bet some people will say they have something in common with you and are trying to make friends too… I know putting yourself out there feels unnatural but funny as it is, it often works. So try something a little uncomfortable, because comfortable hasn’t worked. </p>
<p>It’s probably good to remember that no matter how it looks, you’re not alone… Good Luck and if you can, have some fun with it.</p>
<p>Pretend phone conversation? That’s pretty intense, man. </p>
<p>My suggestion is that you really throw yourself out there. Especially during the first couple of days of college. That’s when you really begin to network and establish lasting friendships with people. I’m kind of surprised that your school hasn’t organized any sort of meet-and-greet events or socializing events where students have the opportunity to meet one another. What about your roommate? That’s usually a really great place to start.</p>
<p>When I was a freshman, my roommate was pretty much my best buddy, understandably so. We helped each other gain the confidence to meet new people, network, and basically throw ourselves out there. </p>
<p>In short, you’ve got to start doing that before it’s too late - eventually people will have already established their main groups of friends and it’ll be too late.</p>
<p>Extracurricular activities also help a lot. Frats, sports teams, organizations, clubs etc.</p>
<p>There’s a lot of threads like these, it seems like a big issue. I read that in commuter schools is much tougher to make friends. Well, i’m a shy person and i’m not really that outgoing i’m just a cool person, and I go to a commuter school and I have made a bunch of friends and have their contact and stuff.</p>
<p>Could it be that it’s actually harder to make friends while you’re sleeping on-campus and everyone just has it all wrong?</p>
<p>Wow guys thanks so much for the advice and comfort. Even though I have read a lot of similar posts with advice, it feels amazing to get insight in my exact situation. Today, I went out and joined a pick-up game of basketball, struck up a conversation with a kid in the library and joined the Catholic society and one of my high school buddies called me up (he was drunk), but it seemed like a blessing saying: it’s time to replace us. As for being depressed, I’m glad you brought that up because my family does have a history of anxiety disorders. My younger brother went through a horrible phase when he started high school, so I’ve been wondering if I’m going through the same thing. The only difference was he actual had friends and family, but couldn’t help shutting himself in his room and crying. I’m glad you are willing to look after a complete stranger. A side note: the pretend phone conversation, in high school after baseball games we would take someone’s phone and pretend to call their mom, the girl they liked, or someone they hated, so I’ve had a lot of practice with it. Even though it was pathetic, it was executed well.</p>
<p>Do you have a roommate(s)? Or do you live in a single?</p>
<p>This is normal , just be chill and it will all come together in time</p>