<p>My 20 year old son is entering his junior year at a state university 5 hours from our home - and we're all trying to figure out how to pay for it. He has been unable to find a summer job (admits he gave up after a week or two of trying in May but has ramped up the search again and is getting nothing). Tuition is way up since his freshman year and he procrastinated about taking the steps needed to apply for a family scholarship. (step grandparents are very generous but require volunteering, a letter, etc.) Also, his lease is up on one week and he hasn't been able to find another apartment. Here's the question. Should I just say - you haven't done your part, time to come home and get and job, take a break from college and/or try to register for the state college in our town? Or, should I bail him out by co-signing a loan for him or taking out a parent loan? Apparently his father's income went up and he is no longer eligible for a Pell grant or any financial aid. Even if he accepts all the loans offered to him directly he is about $10,000 short for this fall. I have about $4,000 to contribute which is enough for his rent all year. It's just hard to know whether to get tough and let him feel the consequences of his inaction or do what it takes for him to get out of college in 4 years with a degree.</p>
<p>He started to look for a job in May and gave up after few weeks (most students would start very early spring). He could easily have gotten some “scholarship” from his step grandparents, but didn’t bother. He took no initiative in finding a place to live for next year. </p>
<p>Even if you were able to help him to earn a degree, what do you think he is going to do with it after he graduates? Most likely continue with what he is doing this summer. If that’s fine with you, then go ahead and help him out. I personally wouldn’t throw good money down the drain.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t even pay for courses back home until he starts to take some initiatives, like getting a job and pay for those courses himself.</p>
<p>Assuming he was doing a good job academically, and that it wouldn’t impose great financial hardship on me, I would probably bail him out with the understanding that he needs to get a part-time job when he is back on campus and that I expect to be paid back for the loan eventually. </p>
<p>The reason I’d do this is because I think one of my responsibilities is to lay out consequences up front for failing to do what needs to be done (find a job, apply for scholarships). If I didn’t do that, then it’s partly my fault that the kid is now in this position. Going forward, I would make it clear that this is a one-time deal and I would make the future consequences of slacking very clear. (Not getting job in this economy is understandable, by the way, assuming he really worked at it - but there is no reason why he couldn’t have found volunteer work or an internship that would help him build a resume for later.)</p>
<p>Of course, if my kid were not pulling his weight academically, I would refuse to do the bail-out - but that is a different conversation.</p>
<p>My suggestion is that he take year off to earn some money. If he’s no longer eligible for financial aid and you can’t pay without taking 100% loans then he either needs to save money or transfer to a local school that’s less expensive or where he can live at home. You don’t want to take loans that put you (and him) at risk long term.</p>
<p>I read through your older posts and it seems like your son has struggled with doing his part since High School. At some point he needs to understand the consequences of his behavior. I understand the difficulty in getting summer jobs but if his step grandparents are very generous and he didn’t do what was required to earn that money then that’s unfortunate but he made that decision. </p>
<p>I don’t know anything about UC but I’m surprised he can’t find an apartment or live in a dorm. Does he have a job on campus?</p>
<p>If he takes a year or semester off, he should apply for a leave of absence from the college.</p>
<p>Trying to find a summer job in May was mistake #1. Jan / Feb is when you do that. </p>
<p>I would not give him a dime. If you do you are enabling his behavior. Make him stand on his own two feet. He will be better off in the long run b</p>
<p>He is an adult. He needs to act like one.</p>
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<p>To me, this stands out. The funds were there for the asking, but he couldn’t be bothered to do it. Be thankful that his lease is up in one week and he isn’t tied financially to rent. Tell him to take a leave of absence, come home and get a job, which should be somewhat easier since those with summer jobs will be going back to school. He can also start volunteering and fulfilling the requirements for the family scholarship. He clearly needs to get his act together–like many kids.</p>
<p>And since you obviously can’t depend on him to follow through, make SURE he has asked for and been granted a leave of absence for at least a semester! The last thing you want is for him to have to reapply.</p>
<p>I should add that I would strive to make the atmosphere of this gap time constructive, not punitive. I don’t think much will be gained by making him feel as if he’s in the doghouse for 6 months. It’s simply a matter of fact: neither you nor he should be taking out the maximum loans, so he needs to take steps to earn money and the earn the family scholarship so that he can go back. You are providing him with a place to live and support for overcoming this hurdle. I think he’ll learn the lesson better if not infantilized.</p>
<p>Thanks for the replies and suggestions. There are some gray areas. He was aware of the expectations but he would apply for a job, be convinced he would hear from the employer “next month”, then delay in getting back in the game. Half-hearted effort I would say. After a rough start and change of majors he is doing great academically and is excited about his course work. He has been volunteering and the family assistance - yes, I should not have called it a scholarship - although there is a GPA requirement - may come through. And, he is now putting in about 5 job applications a day. He has applied for on-campus and off-campus employment. (He did not end up going to CU due to the expense). And, he has been looking for an apartment for more than a month. I guess I will just wait and see what happens. If he ends up on a friend’s couch while figuring out his next course of action, so be it. The hardest part is the uncertainty. I am a Type-A planner and it’s very difficult to take the wait-and-see approach. But my son is a 20 year old adult and needs to learn the consequences of procrastination. Sigh.</p>
<p>Better a friend’s couch than tied to a monthly rent. You might want to point out to him that if a friend DOES put him up he ought to kick in some $$ to the household and be very considerate about cluttering up their living room and so forth.</p>
<p>In the meantime, I’d make sure to discuss LOA and coming home to work for a semester as Plan B.</p>
<p>Thanks, Consolation, very good suggestions.</p>
<p>To me, there is no moral issue, but a financial one. I don’t know enough about the situation, but a lot of people (including me) are having trouble finding jobs, and housing can be hard to find in some locations as well. I don’t understand the family assistance terms and that situation sounds complicated, because now, it appears, those funds may come through.</p>
<p>If you can afford it, I would send him in order for him to finish. It sounds like he is doing well academically, which speaks volumes on his behalf. By "afford, " I do not mean large loans.</p>
<p>State universities usually have a variety of ways to take classes and make progress toward a degree. If money is a problem, I would vote for him staying in the town where his university is, living as cheaply and responsibly as he can, and taking classes one way or the other, less than a full load perhaps, while working.</p>
<p>Many students make their way through state universities taking a few, or even one, class at a time, and classes can be taken online, in the evening or on the weekend, or during the regular daytime session. In addition to fall and spring, there are January and summer terms.</p>
<p>It might take him a little longer, but he has already done two years.</p>
<p>Continuity with the school where he is studying now sounds good. Making that happen in a way that is possible financially sounds like the best course of action.</p>
<p>I get the sense that your son is maturing, despite the ways in which you felt he fell short this summer.</p>
<p>I agree w/ compmom the fact that your S is doing well academically is a good reason to help him continue at his current school. Hopefully he has learned from his mistakes. I think many of these kids are naïve and believe based on what the interviewer says at the end of the job interview that they have the job and will be called back in a month or so with the final confirmation. The kid stops looking believing he has a job.</p>
<p>Where is his father and how much is he willing to help?</p>
<p>CompMom and Tutu Taxi … thanks much for your thoughts! This is exactly what I am grappling with - I do lean toward trying to keep him in his college town as it won’t solve the problem if he comes home for six months and then goes back and still can’t find a job. He would argue that at least by staying there and continuing to look he has a chance of finding a job that he can keep until he graduates. Yes, Compmom … jobs and housing are both hard to come by where he is - from what I have read on the Internet. And, he has already learned a valuable lesson about not taking a job for granted and not delaying in trying to get one. And TutuTaxi … that is exactly what happened with the jobs he thought he had. The interview went well, he thought he was in, they don’t call and he doesn’t continue looking. I think he has learned from that as well as he now has a steady stream of applications heading out the door. And finally… Tutu … astute question re: Dad. He has not saved but has offered to help month to month with my son’s food and gas. (he needs some gas money to drive to drop off job applications) And yes, the step-grandparent “scholarship” is complicated… and uncertain. Thanks very much for the advice.</p>
<p>This is a little off-topic OP but it comes from reading other CC threads on “laid-back” students. While he is home ask him to show you his degree requirements and where he is towards finishing them and graduating. It may be all on a program like “DegreeWorks”. It is easy to miss a requirement or prerequisite and have to an extra summer etc. without careful planning. I would also suggest he start working with the career counseling department of his college for an internship in his field for next summer soon after he gets back to campus.</p>
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<p>This is my concern…it sounds like continuing at his present school isn’t financially sustainable.</p>
<p>Here is a piece of an earlier thread you posted about your son
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<p>Did he end up going to CU Boulder? It sounds sort of like the same story…he knew it was expensive but put no effort into finding something more realistic. Sounds like he got to go anyway. Now, he knew he needed a summer job but put in very little effort finding one. If I were him, based on past experience with you, I would also conclude that it wasn’t that important ( mom will let me have what I want).</p>
<p>Don’t expect him to put much effort into paying back any loans you co-sign for him!</p>
<p>Sigh, I know the syndrome well. I’d love to come over with some banana bread and have a cup of tea. Though my kids were good about jobs, they are procrastinators and lost a lot opportunities and had a lot of difficulties due their own issues and not doing what they were told. I won’t even go into the area of looking for options. Sadly, they just aren’t “there” in a lot of things.</p>
<p>I struggle all of the time as to whether I am enabling this kind of behavior. I have enough kids, though , to see a lot of variation in their basic personalities and how each person does things. Though I know I have been a contributor and enabler, it isn’t the whole story, and I am just praying and hoping that maturity takes care of some of these things, and that I am smoothing out some lumps just so there are not huge set backs. I’ve heard advice from “let 'em sink” to " help them as much as you possibly can", and I’ve seen parents over time (my oldest is 28) doing both. Some were successful, some were not in both paths taken. I have no idea what the best thing to do is.</p>
<p>One thing I will say, however, is not to put yourself out on a financial limb. It’s one thing to give up that vacation, house revamp, new wardrobe, etc. It’s a whole other one to skimp on medical care, live unsafely, borrow more money than you know you are gong to be able to repay without some intervention from somewhere yet unknown, badly compromise your credit and your retirement and your emergency funds. You gotta be in decent shape yourself, not just for yourself (yes, it’s important, but I know how we moms feel and think when it comes to our kids), but for the kid himself. That he can’t go back to school junior year is not the worst thing that can happen by far, and if terrible things happen, it can make a world of difference to have some emergency funds and access to the same, to work it out. Hopefully, it never happens, but when they do, you want’ to be armed the best you can. </p>
<p>When we overly focus on something that is right in our face, it’s sometimes difficult to see thdue the whole picture. If you can comfortabley, without endangering yourself, help him out even if it’s all his fault he is in this predicament, it is one thing. To beggar yourself and put yourself so that you are in precarious position is a whole other. You KNOW that HE is not going to think ahead about these things. Believe me, there are many other things where having the funds can make a huge difference and the consequences far more dire without them. </p>
<p>Good luck whatever you do.</p>
<p>Limabeans01 - No, he did not go to CU. And I am concerned about co-signing loans - that’s why I haven’t. No ink to paper.</p>
<p>Thanks Cptofthehouse - I appreciate your kind words.</p>
<p>I get frustrated with my laid back kid who is entering his senior year in college and somehow has made things work with spending money through a summer job and on track to graduate with decent grades. Due to an unpaid internship this summer, I’m not sure what will happen as to spending money and a reluctance on his part to work during the school year. With just one more year, I fear I will just give him money to get him through and will not hold to my “requirements.” </p>
<p>In your situation OP, I admit to being confused by the fact that you have financial concerns and he has a car. Even with a “paid off” and inexpensive car, maintenance, gas, and insurance costs add up to a significant monthly expense. I’ve not met a college town in which a car is necessary. I might ask him to have a job or take the car rather than pull him from school if you can do that without co-signing loans. If you must co-sign loans, the school isn’t affordable and I doubt a part-time job during the school year will make that much of a difference. Therefore, he would have to leave school not just because he “didn’t get a job” but because it’s not affordable at this time and needs to make some money before going back.</p>