<p>^That is quite a rigid stance. My kid probably won’t be admitted to a school like that or if admitted won’t last long.</p>
<p>Igloo askes me: “If what others do didn’t matter, why did OP start the thread?”
I can only speculate on why Op started thread, I recommend you ask Op if you aren’t clear.
As for me, make sure you understand I have expressed my opinions on what matters to me. I do not regulate how others feel, or how others act. I have not expressed an opinion here if I think a thank you note was appropriate or not in the Op’s situation. My opinion expressed has been that for me, the choice to send a thank you note is not determined by my taking a poll of how many others do it. So to clarify- what others do doesn’t matter- when it comes to my decision on whether my sending a thank you note is appropriate or not.
Sometimes I may be more courteous than expected, sometimes maybe less; but my sending thank yous isn’t based on taking a poll of what others are doing.</p>
<p>“As to the parent who suggested that kids that send thank yous get jobs, you are on target. As a middle manager I have hired a lot of people through the years, particularly entry level college grads. Sometimes I would interview 5 - 10 candidates at a crack for an open position. Those candidates that shook my hand at the end, looked me in the eye, thanked me verbally, and followed up with an error free thank you note ALWAYS had the upper hand over the other candidates. In my profession, a thank you note is EXPECTED still. In fact, most do an email the same day, follow up with a written within a few days.”</p>
<p>I thought the above was a “right on” comment. With two or more candidates, with all things being equal, the one who sends the TYN, looks good, has good eye contact and a good handshake, they will be way ahead.</p>
<p>To those DOUBTING the necessity of a TYN, it is comparable to not having good table manners - some things are just a given.</p>
<p>Has nothing to do with public or private schools.</p>
<p>It’s my opinion that if the college interviewer has been communicating with you by e-mail, it is appropriate to send a thank-you note by e-mail as well. There’s nothing wrong with a paper note, but I don’t think many interviewers would think worse of you if you sent thanks by e-mail. After all, plenty of interviewees don’t send thanks at all.</p>
<p>Honestly,</p>
<p>Some times I feel like I should send the thank you notes out to my interviewees. For the school I interview for, most of these interviews are a waste of the student’s time. They have almost no impact on admissions and the acceptance rate is ridiculously low.</p>
<p>One of the few things I did right as a parent was passing along the writing-thank-you-notes gene and then training my daughter to write them in a timely manner. I really do think it helped her with her internship and job hunt last year.</p>
<p>Immediately after her internship interviews, she’d write a thank you email (one that always included a reference to something that was said in the interview itself - something like “I was expecially interested to hear about XYZ’s BlahBlahBlah policy.” She does write a killer TYN.) Usually she would follow up with a written note a few days later.</p>
<p>I say usually because twice she received offers back within a day, so that the written thank you would be … annoying. One of those offering her a job actually mentioned her thank you note in the phone call.</p>
<p>Oh, and she was a public-school kid. Still writes a thank you note for every Christmas and birthday gift.</p>
<p>Kudos to all the seniors who have posted that they would have given thanks! </p>
<p>I would have been disappointed, too, Mannix.</p>
<p>I am not making excuses for the students, but is it possible they were unclear as to your role? I’ve never heard of a college employing such a practice at our private college prep HS, whether Ivy or other. We just have college admission rep visits and interviews. Consequently, I see the potential for confusion if the student perceives you as a kind local or parent of a former HS classmate who volunteers a get-together to share the scoop about Great Ivy as opposed to one of those “it says optional, but that means you must do it” steps that goes on The Master Checklist where “sent thank you note?” is a column! I can imagine all sorts of senior/family interpretations of any invitation that doesn’t clearly state something to the effect, “Great Ivy uses alumni to conduct one-on-one information sessions as a prelude to your official interview. Although an information session is optional, the alumnus conducting the session will provide feedback to admissions, so consider this a unique opportunity to practice for your interview and get two people talking to Great Ivy about you!” </p>
<p>While I would have expected mine to give thanks even if they thought you were just doing this out of love for Great Ivy, I know it would have been fuzzy enough that one of them would have ASKED :rolleyes: if a thank you note was indicated vs. they both just KNEW one was required post-interview.</p>
<p>I think not writing a thank you note for a scholarship, present or invitation you receive from someone when that is the only way you can thank them is different to this situation. Mannix was thanked for doing the interview - s/he was thanked by each of the interviewees, in person, at the end of the interview.</p>
<p>Personally, I did write thank you emails to my interviewers, despite thanking them in person after the interview, but only because I read somewhere like this that you should. I think most people I knew would have thought me foolish and pushy if they had known I did it and would have advised against it - How many times do you need to thank someone? How many times can you thank someone without seeming alarmingly desperate?</p>
<p>The fact that none of the interviewees sent a written thank you when they are all from the same community as Mannix who expects them, does kind of suggest that there is some explantation for it.</p>
<p>tli83</p>
<p>This is exactly how my son felt about the whole thing. Except he refused to send them out just because someone said it would look better if he did. Again, he thanked them sincerely, in person. </p>
<p>We actually had an argument about this. I disagreed and then at that point sending them out became something he was doing “for me” so I told him not to bother.</p>
<p>It might suggest,(re post 48) Among Many Other possible suggestions, that those particular students have not yet learned the value of understanding what others may expect.
NOT to say it’s good or bad, needed or not, but sometimes learning what others want can be valuable, even if we may not agree with their desires/expectations.</p>
<p>Is a written thank you note only needed for those who forgot to say thanks in person? Or is it thought of as an extra courtesy? Opinions vary.</p>
<p>Basically the thought he has is that if it is not truly from the heart and you are just faking it to get some advantage out of the situation then it is in some way dishonest.</p>
<p>He is not big on social customs just because.</p>
<p>Ok, I’ll jump in here just to be a devil’s advocate (or fool, maybe).</p>
<p>You’re supposed to write a thank you note for a job interview? Color me surprised. I can see a business follow-up maybe, but a thank you note?</p>
<p>And as for the OP’s original question, maybe they were thinking of what you did as an extension of what the school counselor does, or they saw you as a parent volunteer like a band booster parent or something. Not a task that would fall into the thank-you note category. Sometimes it gets kind of murky or confusing.</p>
<p>I mean, we could by extension be writing ten thank-you notes a day. At some point, a simple smile and spoken “thank you” should suffice.</p>
<p>Well, I know that when I sat on interview committees for new chemistry hires, we DID expect thank you notes from interviewees. (Granted, we were frequently disappointed, but when we did get one - that candidate was golden.)</p>
<p>D said that her university’s career office suggested that interviewees send a thank-you email to their interviewer ASAP. Good grief - how long does it really take to send an email, especially if you really want the job?</p>
<p>Golden? Wow, it triumphs their resumes? A management that hires because of a thankyou not because of their merit? I’ll say it’s the management who has an issue.</p>
<p>soomoo - For me, it wasn’t that you should only do it if it was from the heart, it was that it would be socially unacceptable, not just amongst students but amongst their parents too, because it would be viewed as too pushy or too needy. It would be taking up a stranger’s time with your neediness and appear as though you were trying to force them to have some kind of ongoing relationship with you when actually the interview is concluded, you have said your thank yous and your goodbyes.</p>
<p>That is why I find it strange in Mannix’s case. It would have seemed strange to people I knew to receive this kind of note, because it is not the social norm amongst them, but in Mannix’s case, it appears that it might be, yet no notes were received.</p>
<p>I think you’re missing the point. My former employer was a Very Big Name in the field. I never said that “manners trump resume.” I also did not say that thank you notes trump merit.</p>
<p>What I AM saying is this: we routinely got hundreds of resumes for one job posting. Once you weeded those down to twenty or so of the best resumes, we’d invite those people in for interviews. So at the end of the day, we’d have five to ten final candidates that were really close - great education, great letters of rec, great interviews. Any one of them would probably have worked out.</p>
<p>In that situation, did a thank you note count for a lot? You bet it did! </p>
<p>At least that’s been my real-life experience in hiring entry-level candidates in a Fortune 50 firm. Sue said something very similar in her earlier post.</p>
<p>My public-school educated daughter and son send thank-yous for everything, always. Jobs, college interviews, scholarships, job shadowing and whenever someone grants them the courtesy of sitting down and speaking to them. </p>
<p>Not only is it good manners, it leaves a final impression in the mind of the recipient.</p>
<p>OP here again. Well, I started the thread because I did (to Igloo’s point, I think) want to see what other parents advised their kids. I don’t know if it’s the new normal not to send thank you. I was only expecting e-mail thank you, if anything, and was a little surprised at zero thank yous, so I wanted to see if my expectations were maybe too high?</p>
<p>I find it interesting that one alum poster who conducts interviews receives hardly any and is fine with it, and another receives 80% thank yous, and is appreciative. I won’t lie, I was a little disappointed, but the reason I was so long-winded in my first post is that I wanted to explain that where I come from, and in my house, it would never occur to me not to encourage my kids to send a thank you, even via e-mail. And to put it all in context.</p>
<p>I do agree that if the interviewer says no more contact, then that’s a done deal and a any follow-up would not be a good idea.</p>
<p>These are public school kids (but so were mine)! I only “knew” knew one of them, the daughter of some friends (but not get together every month friends, just casual friends, via a relative in town). And even in that case, I had never really sat down to talk with her as an adult before. Two or three others I knew “of” because of my own kids interaction with them in sports or music. So I don’t think my “knowing” them is the reason.</p>
<p>I do wonder if my attempt to make these meetings as casual as possible (per my college’s instructions) may be the reason for no thank yous. We met in a variety of places - and by the way, ALWAYS a place and time the most very convenient for the STUDENT, not me - including the high school, coffee shops, athletic facilities, etc. So maybe my wanting to be super friendly and an ambassador for my college, as it were, has something to do with it. </p>
<p>On the other hand, I did always ask them what else they want the admissions committee to know about them, and I was sure to let them know I do have contact with admissions post-meeting. And it was taking a good chunk of time out of my day. A thank you e-mail takes less than 5 minutes, no?</p>
<p>Also just to note I always did put the college name in the subject line of the e-mail (it’s just the “interview” word I wasn’t supposed to use… but when I did, I got pronto responses as compared to when I did not).</p>
<p>I also do alum interviews and receive TY emails/notes approx 10% of time. Don’t hold it against the kids, tho, if they don’t have a parent/counselor in their lives coaching them on traditional manners.</p>
<p>I agree that the when one is interviewing for JOBS or internships or other things…a thank you note, good eye contact and a sincere strong handshake ARE important to advance in THAT situation.</p>
<p>However, I took post #7 to mean that if kids wrote thank you notes as a matter of course for most things…they would have the upper hand in jobs and college success. I don’t believe THAT is true. I believe it is situation specific.</p>