Non binary child fitting in at Southern schools

Student Lounge College Life
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My child is non binary and is only interested in SEC, ACC schools because they are very interested in all sports, wants big programs and possibly a career in either physical therapy, sports management or sports business…… all things that a big school with a national sports program would be great for them.and they want a warm weather state.

They have applied all over the South… USC, Clemson, FSU, UGA, UF, UTK, LSU, Ole Miss, Miss State and UMD. With the possible exception of UMD (child went there, said it was fine diversity wise) Are any of those schools less likely for a non binary child feel not wanted by the athletes?

They are not interested in Fraternity Sorority life, nor being part of LGBTQ community. They just want to chart their own path without labeling. They are also Jewish and while not observant,we ( more parent than child) are a bit concerned with seemingly acceptable rise of anti semetic comments.

Out of the schools above, can a kid find a place to fit in a traditional southern school, where they will be accepted as they are and not always explaining what non binary or Jewish means, and that they behave exactly as sports maniacs at any other school

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Yes. My son is gay. He goes to Bama. The majority of his friends are gay. It isn’t an issue. At large public universities, you can find your niche and people.

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That’s great. Is he planning a career in sports? I think it would be fine to major in almost all majors being LGBTQ because it’s class work and friendships.since he might want to do PT, I hope it’s not an issue for the coaches (maybe they can be a bit old school) or kids who might find my child odd and pick different trainers…

I also have heard that Alabama has a more significant Jewish population, so you can arrange Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur and Seders. Outside of campus, has your child ever felt uncomfortable because of their orientation? We have applied to both Al and Auburn.

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No. My son is not terribly interested in sports. Between Alabama and Auburn, our experience is that Alabama is the more liberal, mainly because its student population has more out of state students. That being said, understand that socially the South is more conservative. If you are not used to that, it will be a bit of a culture shock. There is nothing wrong with regional differences, it is part of what makes the nation great and interesting, just something of which to be aware.

Additionally…there is a bit of a difference between Clemson and the rest of the schools you mentioned. If you have not toured Clemson, you should. It is a SMALL town. Real small. Like a street or two. The rest are located in classic college towns, which while not cities, are much more cosmopolitan.

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Some are more liberal than others. My daughter goes to UNC and it is very liberal. Her former suite mate is gay and came out during freshman year. No issues with the other three het girls. Several gay friends. Her bestie from HS goes to NCSU and is gay too. His room mate is gay and he finds NCSU to be accepting but not as liberal as UNC. I think my suggestion would be to reach out to student life and to clubs that are geared towards kids like yours and ask them about how they feel on campus and campus vibe. Feeling safe and accepted on campus is not the same as having a liberal campus. If your child is happy to be safe and accepted and they don’t care about campus vibe then I think the majority of schools on your list will be fine. If a vibrant social life is desired that celebrates them and others in similar situations then more investigation and introspection will be necessary. Good luck!

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Was there any issue limiting his ability to associate with non-gay people?

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No. He is just an introvert, better at making friends than I am so its a win in my book.

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Is UMD considered a southern school? To me, it seems to be mid-Atlantic. I am not super familiar with the schools you list, but UMD is probably going to be the least Southern and probably a bit less conservative than some of the others. I’d consider the Florida schools after UMD. Good luck.

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I agree with the suggestion to speak with people in student organizations to see what the feel of the campus is to them.

Also, in addition to Clemson, I might add Ole Miss and Mississippi State as my impression is that those are pretty small towns as well. From some quick internet sleuthing, these numbers seem to be the population sizes of the host towns:

  • Clemson, SC: ~18k
  • Starkville, MS (~24k)
  • Oxford, MS: ~27k
  • Tuscaloosa, AL: ~107k
  • Athens, GA: ~130k
  • Gainesville, FL: ~146k
  • Knoxville, TN: ~200,
  • Baton Rouge, LA: ~225k

Frankly, I would also look at the athletes and see where they’re coming from. There are people with all different types of attitudes in any community. But I would have greater hesitation if a majority of athletes were coming from rural towns in deep red areas. But if there were students from all over the country and a number of them from more urban/metro areas, then I would have a greater level of comfort.

This article seems to provide some hope: Out In Sports Study: Out LGBTQ athletes report deep, widespread acceptance from teammates - Outsports

I didn’t notice any SEC teams mentioned. I would probably look at some of the forthcoming reports mentioned in the article and perhaps reach out to the authors.

All of the above was my hypothesis until doing some additional research, where I found out about the Athletic Equality Index which rates university’s sports programs. Below is a snip of how Mississippi State did, but it shows the various categories, some of which may be more important to your child than others.

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Below are the scores for the schools under consideration:

Clemson: 75/100
Mississippi State: 10/100
U. of Mississippi: 55/100
U. of Alabama: 65/100
U. of Georgia: 20/100
U. of Florida: 55/100
U. of Tennessee: 35/100
Louisiana State: 35/100
U. of Maryland: 50/100
Florida State: 75/100

At least based on policies, it would appear that Clemson, Florida State, Alabama, Ole Miss, and Florida might be the best of the bunch. But I would certainly look at the respective categories and also talk with students in the communities.

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Bear in mind who was coach of men’s football at Mississippi State at the time. Mike Leach was a bit of a character and known to be far on one side of the political spectrum.

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Thanks all that is very helpful. My preference is for a larger city school (like Knoxville or Gainesville, Tallahassee or College Park) because there will be lots of internship opportunities and social opportunities that don’t revolve around Greek life. We did visit Clemson and it did seem rather isolated.

I guess once we get all the acceptances we will visit the schools they like best and do some exploring as to how they will fit in amongst the student body. This will be challenging as colleges only present their best side and say they are inclusive of everyone. Although my child is not interested in politics, I’m a bit concerned sending them to a school in a state where the state government treats them as someone abnormal or less than a cis person who isn’t gender fluid, or part of the LGBTQ community.

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For Jewish SEC/South I’d look first to the Florida schools. Then Bama and Bloom Hillel. Bama has a large Jewish population. Then UGA followed by Mizzou. And maybe U of SC.

Va Tech would be a strong contender, like FSU in the ACC. It would be up there with the Florida schools.

Clemson would be a hard no and LSU likely not. Neither Ole Miss or Ms State. UTK would be so so but has had anti semitic incidents including graffiti that cause pause.

As for non binary no clue but it doesn’t seem an issue at Bama based on what my son says. Bama is 60% OOS with a ton from the northeast and Chicago.

You can talk to each school’s Hillel and/or ask to speak to students.

Good luck.

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You may want to look outside of the South. If you are looking for large schools with school spirit and a nice Jewish population, I would look at Indiana, Wisconsin and Arizona. They may be more open minded and welcoming to a nonbinary kid as well than the schools you listed.

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