<p>S's father wrote a letter to the financial aid offices saying that he would not contribute to college, that he hadn't worked in several years (true), that his agreement did not require him to pay for college (true, alas - I tried but failed to negotiate contributions for college) and that he was not going to send in his joint tax return with his spouse.</p>
<p>Two schools have written and want his tax returns. I have forwarded their emails directly to him. My question, of course, is how the school will regard his actions. I wrote a letter of explanation to them with my tax returns and said that I agreed that he had a moral responsibility to pay towards college, but that since the separation agreement didn't have any clauses, our state does not require it, and I had no way to force him to work, there would be no money from the father.</p>
<p>Thoughts? Should I call the schools myself and discuss it, or just try to pressure the father to send his returns?</p>
<p>You are at the mercy of the financial aid depts. If your ex pays child support and has been in contact with your child, they may not be as forgiving as the parent who has no contact for years. Your ex is not obligated to complete the FAFSA but the institutional and CSS forms quite often request the non-custodial information. A state school usually only requires the FAFSA. MOSTprivates require additional information and they are entitled to ths information if they are giving out $$$. Colleges are very clear on the requirements for divorced parents. They do not care about divorce agreements and expect both parents to meet their obligations. Imagine if every non-custodial parent refused to pay for college?</p>
<p>Your ex may jeopardize any financial aid by not complying with the request. It is also getting late in the game to receive fianancial aid since most of it will be allocated shortly.</p>
<p>Contact the financial aid dept ASAP and explain your circumstances. Good luck!</p>
<p>Imagine if every custodial parent refused to pay or give information? If colleges decided that any parent who wouldn't provide information and didn't want to pay put the entire burden on the child, then every parent in the country would decide the same thing. They'd be silly not to.</p>
<p>I can't for the life of me figure out why people think it's okay for non custodial (or otherwise) parents to refuse to pay and therefore the colleges should give need based aid to the child. Am I missing something?</p>
<p>Excuse me, I do NOT think it's ok!!!! Just in case you think I approve of his actions, not that it matters - what matters is what HE decided to do, over which I have ZERO control. I happen to think he is a bum - but he is the non-custodial parent, so S is stuck with him.</p>
<p>Exactly boysmom. Financial aid is not an entitlement program. One needs to play by the rules. However, a very small percentage of cases may warrant further consideration due to extenuating circumstance.</p>
<p>Sorry if I went off topic. You have an unfortunate situation which is not your responsibility. Unfortunately your s is the recipient of the actions or non actions of your ex.
What can you do?</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Perhaps you or s can explain that if ex provides info to school it would have no effect on what he chooses to contribute. However, financial aid is not possible w/o this info.</p></li>
<li><p>Speak to the school and perhaps they can speak to him or make some type of exception.</p></li>
<li><p>Did your s apply to any schools only requiring FAFSA (many state schools)?</p></li>
</ol>
<p>There have been court cases in NY which required the non custodial parent to have some responsibility in a childs education regardless if it was included in a divorce agreement.</p>
<p>I agree strongly with hopeful1's #1. Just providing the info does not obligate him to pay a dime. The college may say you can afford more, but then you'd just have to make up for his portion in loans. Possibly he thinks that showing them his forms makes him legally obligated or something. Tell him that any lawyer could tell him differently.</p>
<p>This thread makes me very, very sad though. What kind of man does this? I really feel for you, yulsie. What a sad story. This is his CHILD for heaven's sake.</p>
<p>Yulsie - I don't think the other posters where directing their anger at you, but more towards your ex. You are in a very unfortunate situation, but I'm sure that there are many other women in your situation. I think that maybe you should post this same thread on the parent's forum because there may be more people who can help you or have been in the same situation. Good luck!</p>
<p>Every non-custodial parent, which is almost always the father, inevitably becomes the "bum". That's the way the system and the law is set up. Its also the reason why there are so many divorces. It's a good deal for the custodial parent and a bad deal for the other, as well as the kids.</p>
<p>I hope it all works out for your childs sake. (let the battling begin)</p>
<p>Good luck with the aid. I spent the other month sending out letters saying that my father wasn't around and it was just rough. So far, I've been lucky to hear that no school has continued to ask for non-custodial support, but still, it's a rough situation. The worst is that he doesn't call for months and then all of the sudden decides to call up 3 times a week and send a gift.... the back and forth is really awful. I wish you luck on getting aid.</p>
<p>Toblin, this is a clear character flaw I'm talking about. When we separated this guy was making a very generous salary, and still fought hard in court against paying for private school and agreeing to pay any money for college. He would not even agree to pay a share of uncovered medical costs.</p>
<p>The judge got his number pretty quick, set child support relatively high, based on my ex's parsimonious attitude ("me me me" instead of "me AND my child") and knowing that this critter would not pay anthing that the law did not require him to pay. He has also sued me three times to try to lower child support on the flimsiest of pretexts. So what descriptive word would you choose? </p>
<p>Colleges must know that there are many non-custodial parents in similar situations - for example, there is over a billiion in uncollected child support owed to custodial parents. It is a shame that the custodial parent and child are penalized for being unlucky enough to have been associated with someone like this - it is similar to the IRS going after the assets of an unwitting spouse in a big tax case.</p>
<p>I feel for you because the situation basically puts your child between a rock and a hard place because schools believe that parents have a moral and social responsibility to contribute towards the education of their children. when the parents don't do this they are essentially saying that someone else's parents should foot the bill.</p>
<p>I feel for your son, because your ex, is trying to send the message that he is not worth the expense (been there). Your job is to keep your child encouraged that inspite of or despite what his father does or dosen't do for him, he will be ok. have faith that is is all going to work out, because it will. we tend to forget that our kids will not be kids forever. The best thing that your son can do is to do well and to be the kind of man to his kids that he wished his father had been to him.</p>
<p>Is going back to court and modifiying your support order to include some kind of help for college an option.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Is going back to court and modifiying your support order to include some kind of help for college an option.
[/quote]
... great idea ... or how about going back to court asking the court to require the non-custodial dad to fill out the financial aid paperwork? I have no idea if this can be required by a court but certainly seems like a reasonable question.</p>
<p>Point will be moot soon - but I talked to him today and he said he will send the tax return to the schools who have asked for it. The rest is out of our hands.</p>
<p>My heart goes out to you. I have had to deal with non-custodial parent issues as well. Because my divorce decree said I would pay half of my kids' educations (I was naively thinking they would go to schools with reciprocal arrangements with the college ex works for) I ended up paying half, even though his income was two and a half times mine. I mean, the FAFSA even allowed my D to get a Pell grant. It was Profile that complicated the issue. It is so frustrating. I am so glad for you that your ex did send his tax returns in. At least they will have the papers they require.
I hope that the colleges will not hit you up too hard.<br>
I have since remarried. I anticipate the same exact problem you face when stepson goes next year. His mother has no real income, lives off major assets, and intends to pay Nada. I just have to keep telling myself, God will provide. I truly believe there is nothing in this world better for me to spend my money on than the kids' education. They will then give back, to the world.</p>
<p>It is a sad situation...we are dealing with it as well....dad, "will do what he can" but will not say what that means...it has not meant filing any of the papers requested...lives on twice the cash, after taxes and child support than his two d's and I after taxes with childsupport....honestly, there have been times I took a role of TP from a storage closet to get thu the week :-)...and FAFSA calculated child support paid in 2004 for EFC, though child support for college bound student ends in one month:-(...court costs money and the time is not there and my energy is better spent elsewhere. We(the girls and I) faced the facts....his loss. I feel I have had all the responsibility but I also got all the blessings.... She will stay close to home the first three semesters....we will all work harder and make it happen..we will limit the initial debt.....didn't get this far to quit now. I feel your pain but mostly your son's...as I do for my daughters...after all, they are doing their part. Both d's have worked hard in school(honors and acceptable SAT's and work part time as it is). We are still waiting to hear on a couple of colleges but after reading the financial aid awarded to stellar students falling short, nothing short of a miracle will get her to the college she'd like to attend........but I have found that my attitude(once I worked thru the anger) and a couple of plans for getting there, a bit later, but there just the same....has gone a long way to settling our household down....I figured out a long time ago that some mistakes just cannot be fixed.....and yet, while we might not be great....we are good....and I think my d's are learning alot about thinking "outside the box".....it is tough and I wish you the best of luck. I wish I had more than empathy to offer....keep the faith...in a few short years this will all be behind us.</p>
<p>Yulsie, I know that your son is a finalist for Emory Scholars.(congratulations!!) Does this mean that he is guaranteed either 75% or 100% tuition? I do hope he gets 100%, that will certainly make life a lot easier for you.
:)</p>