<p>We are in a tough place. My daughter is applying to 7 schools. All but one school are Profile schools and require the Non Custodial Parent Profile. This is something that we cannot provide. Her father gave me money for an abortion 17 years ago and has never looked back. I have recieved child support but it has been garnished. I have no clue as to where he lives or works. He has never seen my daughter. </p>
<p>One school is a non-profile school, one school waived the Non Custodial Parent Profile with just an email from me. All of the others want a letter from a professional ie, a high school counselor,clergy, or Dr. They will not accept a letter from a relative. </p>
<p>I have never had reason to share information about our situation with anyone outside of friends and family. I never had reason to go to our pastor,Dr. or school counselor and explain that my daughters father has never seen her. </p>
<p>She does have one school that does not require the profile, it is her safety. The school that waived it is a reach for everyone</p>
<p>I guess it just seems wrong to expect that people would be able to provide this letter from a professional. I understand that some people lie and cheat and there is a reason for the form. But to expect that people would have told some professional about the situation is not realistic at all.</p>
<p>If you have any ideas for us that would be great. I have emailed the school counselor and explained the situation, and asked if she had ever run into a situation like this.</p>
<p>What an awful situation to be in. You indeed have all my sympathy!</p>
<p>I think that you chose the best option by emailing the school counselor. She may have run into this kind of situation before, and even if she hasn't, she still is one of the "officials" from whom the other colleges/universities will accept a letter explaining your situation.</p>
<p>happymomof1,
Thanks for the kind words and support. Things may be looking up. I just recieved a call at work from the high school counselor. She took it upon herself to call my daughters 1st choice school and they are emailing her a waiver !!! </p>
<p>The counselor then offered to call the other 3 other schools to see what she could do. We are crossing fingers that she will be able to work another miracle at those schools as well.</p>
<p>She will get back to me in a couple of days to let me know how things worked and to verify that the waiver did get there from the school as promised,</p>
<p>Flutemom, I'm glad you're getting some movement on this. Honestly, I don't think it will be a problem in the end. My son's best friend has a father that has been mostly absent in his life, and he got a waiver from a top tier school even after his father actually filled out the non-custodial parent Profile form. His father first said he'd help with college costs, but then when he actually got a bill he suddenly refused. His contact with his son had been very intermittant, and while he had offered some financial support for braces and things like that, it had not been reliable or predictable. Anyway, the kids' mom talked to FA and explained the family history (this dad also left the mom 19 years earlier when she got pregnant and refused to get an abortion), and the school quickly waived the non-custodial parent from the FA calculations.</p>
<p>You're going to be fine. You have such a clear case. If the counselor can't resolve it in all cases, your daughter should apply to all the schools she wants to anyway, and just submit a letter explaining the situation. A copy of the court document ordering the garnished wages is good too. Sometimes, like in the case of the kid I described above, they actually gave him a waiver after he'd already received the first FA offer, and recalculated his aid based only on his mother's income.</p>
<p>rentof2,
Thanks so much for your encouragement. It does give me hope. I did get an email from another school back today saying they would waive the form. </p>
<p>So now we have 2 that have waived it, and 1 waiver on its way to the counselor. So still 3 more to go but progress is being made.</p>
<p>I am so glad that I decided to write to the counselor. I encourage anyone else that finds them self in this situation to at least give it a try.</p>
<p>I will update as soon as I hear something more from the counselor. </p>
<p>Flutemom, I am glad to see that you are finding schools to be understanding of your situation. Most schools are open to making exceptions to their policies when individual circumstances warrant - they just have to be careful about making sure they do so wisely. How fortunate you are to have such a wonderful, caring, and helpful gc!</p>
<p>I was in a similar situation to you in that my child's father had not seen her. I had gone to court and was receiving child support. So I can imagine your dilemma when confronted with this requirement for him to provide financials. And perhaps you can imagine mine when I thought I would have to to attempt to contact someone from that long ago. We knew this was not going to happen, and even we could manage forms filled out, that there would be no contribution. Indeed when she turned 18 (after Sr year,) there was no check sent from the very first month.</p>
<p>I was clear in my waiver request that he had not seen her, there was never a single phone call, there was never a gift, there was never a card. There was only a note to me asking for reduction in support.</p>
<p>But unlike you, I felt it vital that her schools were well aware, ditto all the professionals in our life. I never had any reason not to be sure they knew of our situation. For one thing, so they would be sensitive if any issue arose that might be related to girls not having fathers around. (fortunately none did.) And it helped me have a certain level of community support. But aside from my word for it, the school knew that there was no Dad showing up for the usual events.</p>
<p>We did recieve waivers from all schools with no issue. But I do think schools have to be very careful to not make it a situation where they just take your word for it. And I think the solution they use is going to cover most cases--I find it reasonable and realistic. I do wish there was a way that single parents understood the need for independent verification when they need to know, like from elementary school, and had a means to track that.</p>
<p>Looks like things are well in hand for you now, so just deep breath. Best luck to your kid in her acceptances.</p>
<p>I guess the lesson in all this is that we need to know that what we do in our lives is rarely an awful mistake, and we don't need to be ashamed of our life's choices. There are people with whom we can share our choices and hold our heads up because we chose the path that was best for each of us. No judgment. You and your D will be fine. FA officers can be very understanding, maintain confidence, and they are really on your side. All the best!</p>
<p>kelsomom, I agree that schools have to be careful. We are very lucky that the gc has turned out to be so helpful. I will be picking up a thank you card for all of her efforts to help us.</p>
<p>BrownParent, Yes we do have similar situations. It would be a very difficult call to make to ask him to fill out the form. I know that there will be no contribution after she turns 18The court order says it stops at 18. He has never contacted me in these 17 years, so I hightly doubt I will get a phone call saying he wants to keep paying LOL
I can see your point about why you made sure people knew. People knew that I was a single parent. I got lots of support from those around me. I just never felt the need to explain why I was a single parent or that he never visited. Never had a reason to visit with our pastor to tell him my daughters father has never seen her, school had plenty of kids with single parents and we never dealt with any insensitivity so no visits to the counselor. </p>
<p>I agree it would be nice to have known this when my daughter was in elementary school. I would have made it a point to document it with someone "professional". Hopefully this will serve as a lesson for anyone dealing with this situation in the future.</p>
<p>franglish, You are exactly right, embarrasement played a large part in who I relayed the information to. I had strong family and friend support. I had strong church support. I got lot's of support from people that just knew I was a single parent, so I guess I felt why have to give them that extra piece of information. Thanks for the kind words and well wishes.</p>
<p>Flutemom- one caveat, my D1 had all Profile schools and one fin safety FAFSA school. We learned the hard way that we need to be a FAFSA family- of course there are new guidelines for the top schools limiting home equity etc and may be things would be different now. But, if I had it to do over I would pick a FAFSA school with merit aid (lower tier) and get that private option on the table. It is so hard to know how the schools will offer, would your DD be happy if there is only one school you can afford? If so, great. I spent all of grade 12 telling my DD she would probably end up at her financial safety and she did and she never really liked. She did okay, but she hit some hard bumps along the way due in part to her attitude about the school and the fact that it is a large top 50 public, so not much attention to fit!</p>
<p>If you only have one FAFSA school be sure it is a fit, in case that is the school or choice.</p>
<p>somemom, We will spend the next few days seeing if we can find another FASFA school, while we still have time. She only has one on her list. I too have been telling her that is where she will probably end up. I am not convinced and I don't think she is either that she will totally be happy there. It is just too big for her. I know someone posted a list of FASFA schools awhile back, gonna see if I can find that again. </p>