<p>Does anyone have experience it obtaining a waiver for non-custoidial father at UPenn. My daughter is currently a freshman there. He filled out the CSS last year, but it killed our chances for much aid. I am paying it all myself with another daughter at a state school, out of state, so no CSS profile there. He is a doctor, living in another state, with lots of income and assets, and a girlfriend and her kids. He lives very nicely. He did pay child support but that stopped on high school graduation day, and does not and refuses to contribute anything toward anything. Not even a birthday gift or Christmas gift. My daughter has nothing to do with him since she had that choice legally, at the age of 18. I spoke to Penn's financial aid office. Here is my problem. Her father was physically abusive to me and my daughters. We had been to court appointed counseling, all 4 of us...mom, dad, and daughters. The abuse was discussed. He was never arrested for this and I have only discussed it with 2 close friends. I would like to obtain a copy of those sessions, yet have not yet contacted the psychologist. This is in part to explain my daughters refusal to have contact with her dad, and the estrangement. Will this be of any benefit and does anyone think the psychologist will give it to me, or will I have to get some court order. Penn told me the waiver will be an "uphill battle" I understand Penn's policy. Just because the dad is a deadbeat, they shouldn't have to pay, but putting 2 girls through school by myself is going to bankrupt me. Any advice would be appreciated.</p>
<p>You can certainly try. Honestly it doesn’t sound to me like you will get this waiver. The father did complete the NCP form last year. It sounds like the only reason you want this NCP waiver is because he won’t help with college costs. I guess what I’m saying is…the abuse issue, while awful and I’m sorry for you for that…was not presented last year…and the father DID complete the NCP form. Why would they grant you a NCP waiver this year when the situation really hasn’t changed since last year (the abuse did not take place this year).</p>
<p>It seems highly unlikely you’ll get a waiver. Lots of parents won’t pay for college and kids needbto choose colleges accordingly.</p>
<p>I think it’s especially unlikely as he filled the forms out year one and Penn knows they’re dealing with a high earning parent. All such parents would claim unwillingness to pay if they thought they could get a waiver.</p>
<p>Did Penn suggest if you could prove abuse they’d give you a waiver?</p>
<p>Advice is hard here, but maybe your kids can’t go to schools this expensive.</p>
<p>A problem I see with getting anything from the counselor is this…</p>
<ol>
<li><p>The counselor didn’t view it as abuse to the minor kids, otherwise he/she would be obligated by law to report.</p></li>
<li><p>If the counselor neglected to follow the law, he/she isn’t going to willingly turn over records that could hurt him/her. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>You are paying for an ivy and an OOS public by yourself? Unless you have a large income/assets, this seems like an unwise thing to be doing.</p>
<p>I concur - I don’t think it’s likely in your circumstances. There’s already a history of “cooperation” for Penn - and the abuse claims are from a time that predates that. If you presented that info last year, then they’ve already decided against you once; if you are presenting it now for the first time, then they are definitely going to question the validity of your claims. </p>
<p>I really think that from Penn’s point of view, this is something that could have and should have been considered when your d. accepted her spot last year. You and she knew that college lasts 4 years, and that you would be doing it on your own. It also sounds like the estrangement is voluntary on your daughter’s side – you wrote that she refuses contact, not that he refuses it. Maybe her refusal is justified and understandable… but that’s not the same as his refusing contact with her or abandonment.</p>
<p>I must admit, when I filled out the forms last year I didn’t even know about the waiver. When I went on the college board site, it said to provide the email address of the non-custoidial parent. I just did what I was told. He was paying court ordered child support. I provided it and he did fill it out. My daughter did not have a choice until she was 18, of seeing him or not. The visits were infrequent, and almost always volatile. The last time they were with him in February of 2010. He shoved my other daughter up the steps, pushed her down and broke her computer. She ran outside and locked herself in the car at 2:00am and he called the police to get her out. The daughter from Penn has refused his contact since then. He did show up at their graduation from HS. He cancelled their health insurance the first day that he could, and has not paid a dime to assist since then. I guess I have a choice of going broke or making them transfer. But thanks for all the comments. It is appreciated. In regards to the court appointed counseling. The psychologist had to send a report. My guess is it was never even read by anyone. I spoke to the counselor and he said if the child did not tell him herself he could not report it. He knows it happened because my estranged husband was reprimanded by the counselor, as we discussed specific incidences. Nothing else.</p>
<p>Codesun, there is nothing to lose by trying to get the waiver – I hope you didn’t interpret my post as meaning “don’t bother” or “forget it”. I just think that you also need to make plans for next year on the assumption that the request will be denied. In other words, hope for the best but plan for the worst.</p>
<p>I realize that you didn’t know about such waivers last year, but in truth, if he was paying child support and you knew his whereabouts, then likely a waiver would NOT have been granted last year if requested.</p>
<p>* The last time they were with him in February of 2010. He shoved my other daughter up the steps, pushed her down and broke her computer. She ran outside and locked herself in the car at 2:00am and he called the police to get her out. *</p>
<p>??? When the police were called and she told them that her dad did those things, why wasn’t he arrested?</p>
<p>Your ex sounds horrid, but unless your kids were willing to tell authorities what he was doing to them, he has remained without any kind of record. </p>
<p>BTW…I’m not sure about that part of the counselor stating that she only has to report abuse if the child says it to her. I would imagine that if one parent tells a professional that her spouse if abusing their kids, that professional would at least have to report it so it could be investigated. Parents do have an obligation as well to report when their kids are being abused by another person, otherwise they are not protecting their kids. </p>
<p>* I guess I have a choice of going broke or making them transfer.*</p>
<p>I don’t know if both of your kids are freshmen or what…but paying for an OOS public and an ivy is likely too much for a single mom…unless you have a lot of money. Do not go into debt over this and do not jeopardize your own financial future.</p>
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<p>Our state has a MANDATORY reporting law. If a school professional even SUSPECTS abuse they are required to file a report with child protective services. This is required, not optional.</p>
<p>But that is a subject of a different thread.</p>
<p>Agreed with Calmom…you can request the NCP waiver but do make plans for if it doesn’t come through.</p>
<p>*Our state has a MANDATORY reporting law. If a school professional even SUSPECTS abuse they are required to file a report with child protective services. This is required, not optional.
*</p>
<p>I agree. And I think most/all states have those laws that require that professionals (doctors, counselors, nurses, teachers, etc) report any reasonable suspicians that child abuse is occurring. Certainly, if an adult goes to a counselor and says something like, “My husband is physically hurting our children,” the counselor isn’t supposed to say/think…“Well, as long as the child isn’t telling me this, I don’t have to do a thing.” At the absolute minimum, the counselor would at least say to the parent, “YOU have to report this, because you can be considered guilty for not protecting your minor children.” </p>
<p>Back to subject…Unless the OP has a high income and tons of assets, I don’t see where paying $350k in pricey schools is a good idea. In fact, I think it could be a very dangerous idea if it involves big loans and such to cover all these costs.</p>
<p>Based on the information given, I think you should pursue getting a statement regarding the abuse from the counselor (an actual copy of session records is not necessary) as well as a copy of the incident report from the local police. The worst Penn can do is say no…and then you’re in exactly the same position as you are now. I think most schools are very understanding of kids who don’t want to contact abusive parents as long as the situation can be verified independently.</p>
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<p>I FULLY believe this is true. BUT I do not think it would be the basis for a NCP waiver…or excluding the dad from being included in the financial picture.</p>
<p>BUT the OP should try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!!</p>
<p>I don’t know what Penn’s view on that will be, but know of a young woman in a similar situation who was granted NCP waivers from 2 schools (one ivy) based on relatively recent, but well-documented, abuse and a lack of financial support. In her case, an order of protection had been issued following one particularly nasty incident and a history of abuse toward her custodial parent. It’s shocking how many “pillars of the community” are completely rotten and downright dangerous to their own families.</p>
<p>I just got of the phone with the police department trying to obtain a copy of the report from February of 2010, long after I filled out the CSS profile. I do not know what will be included in the report or even if they will give me a copy, since I was not there. I have to call back on Monday for the “chief”, but I am told a report exists. I have failed miserably in documenting this, but there is a paper trail, from marriage counseling to family counseling, and court appearances, and records. I just have to chase it. But the bottom line, he was never charged, which is all my fault. Thanks to everyone for your advice. I will keep my successes and failures posted. Maybe someone else will read this and not make my mistakes.God bless all.</p>
<p>Good luck, codesun…at least you and your kids are safe now!</p>