<p>So I guess this has been posted a thousand times before but I feel like I'm different from a lot of the other examples. I had a ton of friends in high school and I know I am likable enough. I was super close with my friends in high school and it was awesome.. Now I'm at college and after a semester and a half of hanging out with no one I've come to realize it kinda sucks. I'm involved in numerous clubs that interest me, am extremely out going, and have never been awkward... So it really upsets me when I come to realize I have no friends. I realize that I am extremely picky when it comes to friends, but at a school of 17000 people where I know potential friends exist, its hard for me to settle for just anyone. I stumble across groups that I know I would fit into occasionally but they always refuse me and never return the gestures.. It just really upsets me to the point of hysterics when I am putting in so much effort to make friends and no one ever reaches out to me. I've talked to a therapist and all he had to say is that I have bad luck and things will eventually work out. I feel like I've been patient though and as housing selections roll up I can't help but feel that I'm only going to end up more alone next year than I already am.</p>
<p>This will be non-intuitive, but is there some sort of online site where people just chill and post stuff like a Facebook group or a Reddit community? If there is, go in there and just say you are lonely and you want to meet someone. I did this and I met and bonded with in my opinion the most caring person ever. For housing selections do try to get a double room so you have just one roommate to bond with.</p>
<p>Hmm that is strange. If you impose yourself on people, like you said: you said you “stumble” into groups and they reject you.Generally speaking, kids aren’t like that and “reject” anyone. Most people at college (I’ve visited a bunch of different colleges) and people are really friendly. However, I know people who sometimes invite themselves and just start hanging out with us even though we don’t really know you. I’m not saying you do that, but it can come off as a little over-bearing and while people won’t be rude to you and tell you leave, they may hesitate to hang out with you as much. </p>
<p>You say you’re in hysterics. I don’t think that reaction is appropriate. Just stop trying so hard to make friends. Just be yourself, don’t be “fake” or pretend nice, you’ll find people who like you.</p>
<p>Its not so much rejection as it is just preoccupation. Its like they live far away so its easy to forget me…</p>
<p>I think you need to keep trying, but in a different frame of mind. It may be that you are coming across as too desperate or too clingy or “too something” to others, but it also sounds like you are re-creating one rejection after another in your mind, based on the isolation and loneliness you feel, from not having made the “same kind” of friends you had in high school. You state as much above, when you said, “Its not so much rejection as it is just preoccupation.” </p>
<p>I know this may be hard to understand, but if you are always thinking, “I hope they don’t reject me” or something along those lines, you may be sending that message unconsciously to others. You need to replace any of those kinds of thoughts with something along the lines of " I have many friends and people have always liked me" or “I am a quality person to be with and I am interesting and smart.” I am not suggesting that you say any of these thoughts out loud, but you need to change your inside thoughts to more postive ones in your relationships with others, so that you are more relaxed around them. Sometimes when we are anxious, tense or frustrated with the way we want things to be, we try to force it and it does not work. When you relax a little bit, you will eventually meet a friend, without even trying. </p>
<p>You might also trying to connect with some of your old friends on FB, text, phone, etc. so that you do not feel quite so isolated. Old friends may give you a little energy boost, so that you remember what it felt like to have friends. It may help take you out of the doldrums you are now experiencing. You HAVE friends, they are just not close by. And, if you made friends before, you can make friends again. It’s easy to forget how long it took to make the last batch and we sometimes think it should be easier. You ARE likeable, or you would not have made so many friends in the past. </p>
<p>If there is a campus ministry available, you might want to try joining a group there. Students who are centered around their faith can sometimes be more approachable and empathetic towards others. You need some positive feedback from peers to get you moving again. Do not lose hope. Transitioning to college life can be a challenge, but I know you are up to it!</p>
<p>All I can advise you to do is talk to people. if that doesn’t work,nothing will</p>