<p>Don't let the length of this paragraph discourage you! Help please!</p>
<p>Hi there, I was hoping to get some parental advice on this...or anyone who wants to help.
My dad is the only person to have gone to college in his family and my mom and her side didn't have the money to attend. My brother basically flunked through high school and is being forced to attend community college, so I am kind of 'the first' to actually yearn to go to college I guess. My dad went to a cheap town college (not even standing anymore) and is now doing extremely well for himself in business; thus, he has the belief that you don't need an expensive fancy college to do well in life, which I know is true. However, I have worked my tush off to go to a good college to pursue English and communications (and possibly journalism). I have a 4.15 GPA, 32 on ACTS, valedictorian, etc.
My dad would love for me to go to comm. college, but my mom started a 529 plan for Florida when we lived there. So, because it is cheap, he wants me to go to Univ of Florida. However, I have visited the college and just despise it. I won't go into the reasons why, but it is honestly an exact opposite of me. Completely bad match. Since he told me he would only willingly let me go there, he refused to be part of the college application process for any other college. I applied to 5 other schools, including my two dream schools: Emerson College (in boston) and Syracuse University (in NY), and been accepted into all of them so far, INCLUDING EMERSON! (still extremely happy about that!!)
Here is the problem: my dad still wants me to go to Florida and is saying "I just don't see Emerson as an option...I don't want to send you to some liberal artsy fartsy democrative bullsh!@% girly school...you can't afford to live there in the dorms...it's too expensive"..but he hasn't quite said NO yet.
Still, I can't compete with Univ of Fl being only $12,000 a year (529 plan takes care of the $22,000 of tuition) when Emerson is $40,000. However, If I get accepted into honors program and get some scholarships and loans, I can get the cost down to $11,000, which is pretty comparable. Though I don't think he is going to go for that.
The funny thing is, we are middle class! FAFSA said we should be able to afford a $45,000 school! And yet my dad just doesn't like spending money on anyone unless it is absolutely necessary.
He told me to make a list of all my colleges that I want to attend and have all of the fees written down so he can make a 'fiscal decision based on what is best for the family'. But he knows that none will be cheaper than $12,000! He says it is his decision unless I plan on footing the bill for my college, and sadly, I know this is completely true.
He has agreed to do a college visit trip in March, but only to a few, and I NEED to convince him to let me visit Emerson and Syracuse. But mainly Emerson. I am so passionate about that school that I can't even express how much it means to me to go there. Can anyone please please help me? I am terrified--completely scared--to present my list of costs to my dad (which is soon) and have him reject everything I have worked for. And I have to do that before I can beg him to visit the colleges.</p>
<p>PLEASE! HELP! I know this sounds so annoying and immature and I should be happy to go to any college at all..but it just means so much and I have worked so hard for this that I don't want to give up w/o a fight. Thanks guys</p>
<p>maybe you should explain to him that if you go to a college that is unfit for you, you may not be as motivated to do as well as you think you could do, and due to that, you may end up dropping out...</p>
<p>maybe the only chance you get is to say that you will take out as much loans as you can, but that may hurt you down the road...</p>
<p>unfortunately, i see other stories very similar to this, i understand its a financial situation but you should also be able to go where you would like to go, especially if you are really passionate about it...</p>
<p>of course, i'm not a parent, i'm a student, and therefore its from my point of view</p>
<p>First, understand most kids are not fully versed in their family's finances. Because a school thinks your family can afford $45K does not mean they can. So the first conversation you need to have with your dad is the one where you ask what the family can comfortably afford to contribute to your college bill.</p>
<p>Communicate to your parents why Emerson is so desirable to you, and most importantly, what you are willing to contribute which can be summer earnings, school year earnings and loans. If you take this mature approach, your dad will probably respect that and give you straight answers. Good luck!</p>
<p>Jigfeet:
this sounds like a very tough positon. . .
If I were in your shoes, I would look into several other possible solutions
but at some point you are probably going to have to ask yourself how important is going to the school(s) that you want to go to (not your Dad, or anyone else). It is your life, you are the one who will have to do the work. </p>
<p>Consider looking into becoming a resident of the state you want to go to school in, especially if any are state schools. Consider the time table and whether there are any financial benefits to taking the necessary time off to establish residency before going to a college/university. While you are on a deferred admission status perhaps. . . work, make money gain confidence. In doing so,, you will also show your family just how serious you are about going where YOU want to go. Perhaps this will influence your father positively in the long run.</p>
<p>Consider contacting the admissions deprtment of your dream chools and explaining the short version of your problem and see if they have any suggestions about how to make it work for you. </p>
<p>Also, is your HS guidance counselor a decent resource for you? Could you talk with him/her and get some advice? Perhaps even a joint meeting with your parents would be helpful. If the guidance counselor is not an option, consider a counselor or therapist, teacher, religious leader or a mediator. . . some trusted adult. Sounds like you could benefit from having an advocate. I would not recommending doing anything that might seem like you are trying to manipulate your Dad. . . as that (and the attempt to control you because of the $ thing) is what you are objecting to.</p>
<p>A bottom line is what do you really want? What are you willing to do or not do for it? Having your own personal clarity will help you to get to the best solution. Keep your options as open a as possible while you are working towards your clarity. Good luck to you.
I am a parent, and a counselor.</p>
<p>This doesn't really help with going to Emerson, but you could also try applying to New College of Florida. With your stats, you'd get a great scholarship that could make it cheaper than UF and still have that liberal arts college experience. The deadline isn't for a while, so you still have time to apply.</p>
<p>Offer to split the different... 2 years community college followed by 2 years of a LAC of your choice. If you do well in community college, you should be able to get into many LACs (though no guarantee of Emerson). </p>
<p>You will need to appeal to your father's sense of fiscal responsibility, so come up with some compromises that show him that you are valuing his input. </p>
<p>In the end, it is not your money to play with - so you need to work within your father's sensibilities.</p>
<p>While I know Emerson is your first pick (it was D2's first pick, but for performing arts), I'm fairly certain Syracuse will offer you some substantial money. D1 graduated there last May, from Newhouse. She was accepted directly into Newhouse as a freshman, and given quite the scholarship with a tad bit less stats than yours. I think her ACT was a 31 and her rank was 10 out of 600. The scholarship basically brought the cost down to parallel that of our large state U, whose journalism program does not begin to match that of Syracuse (or Emerson). So if Emerson doesn't provide the money (I'm fairly certain they will award something), I'm sure Syracuse will. Syracuse scholarships are sent out, usually in mid-March, a week or so after acceptance letters. </p>
<p>btw, how do you know that you already got into Syracuse. Did you apply EA?</p>
<p>added: also, my daughter's stats qualified her for the honors program at Syracuse, also. I think you will be fine there.</p>
<p>teriwtt: Syracuse is my 2nd choice and I am quite equally passionate about it as well, though I feel like it is a lost cause because of its price. I don't really see any scholarships that I could qualify for. I applied to Newhouse and then College of Liberal Arts and Sciences as my second choice, and didn't see many scholarships pertaining to my probable English major.
I won't know my acceptance yet, I didn't mean to say that I have been. It is the only one I am still waiting on.
I hope I get into the honors program..but it seems extremely extremely prestigious!</p>
<p>
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FAFSA said we should be able to afford a $45,000 school!
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<p>FAFSA is not footing the bill nor do they handle your families finances. Take that figure with a big grain of salt. </p>
<p>
[quote]
maybe you should explain to him that if you go to a college that is unfit for you, you may not be as motivated to do as well as you think you could do, and due to that, you may end up dropping out...
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</p>
<p>As a parent, this is the last thing that would persuade me. The very last. If my child "needs" me to spend 45K a year to "motivate" him, then he is not mature enough to go to college. End of story.</p>
<p>You need to start thinking of this problem differently.</p>
<p>Look at it this way: when you go to college, you are an adult. You have the ability to choose where you go to college, but also the responsibility of figuring out how to pay for it. </p>
<p>Your father has told you that he is willing to pay $12,000. He also has indicated that he may be willing to listen if you give him a strong reason to pay more -- but its a huge leap to get from $12K to $40K, and he probably isn't going to go there.</p>
<p>So it is your job to figure out how to make up the difference.</p>
<p>Since you are still waiting to hear about possible scholarships, I think you should explain to your dad that you can't give him an accurate accounting of costs until later. </p>
<p>Bottom line: your are asking "how do I make my dad change his mind" when you need to be coming up with a plan on your own. </p>
<p>I think if you started to look at the Emerson tuition as YOUR responsibility and not as your Dad's, you might start to come to a better understanding of his concerns.</p>
<p>pugmadkate: I am pretty aware of my parents finances, and know that there is no way we can afford a 45k school like FAFSA says we can. Based on everything, I know that we can barely do a 30k if we really reach, but comfortably do a 20k school or less. Though my Dad's level of comfort is more at the 10k or below. Sorry to seem so ignorant in my OP.</p>
<p>calmom: I am willing to take out loans and do work study as well as apply for as many scholarships as possible. That's about as much as I can do to pay for tuition, and yes, I am thankful to have a dad who is willing to pay anything at all.</p>
<p>I am not well versed in 529s, but I thought that while they fully cover in-state state U tuition that the money invested (and interest) is yours to pay other tuitions as well.</p>
<p>Is your dad saying that he will provide $12K for college, or that he will only provide $12K at UFlorida? If I'm reading you correctly, he has issues with his perception of Emerson as "some liberal artsy fartsy democrative bullsh!@% girly school" as well as with the cost. That's a tough situation to be in.</p>
<p>Since you won't know about possible merit aid at Syracuse and Emerson until March, can you put off the discussion with your dad until then? Deposits aren't due until May 1st, so he really doesn't need to make a 'fiscal decision based on what is best for the family' until spring. I agree that you can probably expect some nice merit aid from Syracuse - I know people with lesser stats who have received scholarships there. Have you perused the SU website to see whether there are scholarships that require separate applications? Gotten a part-time job to put money aside for school?</p>
<p>Some parents are simply not ready to think about the major expense of sending a kid to college, even though they've had plenty of time to plan. My husband was like this when our first applied to colleges - he was angry and resentful that she didn't want to accept a full-tuition scholarship at a school that we realized would have been a poor fit. He went to a third-rate college himself and became successful without the advantages of attending a truly good school. His initial attitude was that his daughters could succeed under the same circumstances. All I can say is that he eventually got over it. Hope your dad will, too.</p>
<p>Jigfeet, try to avoid this turning into a situation where your Dad gets to choose your college or pass judgment on the schools you prefer. Instead, try to get him to simply commit to how much he feels willing/able to contribute to your college education per year...regardless of where you go. </p>
<p>Try as best you can to make it a calm, rational, just-the-facts discussion of family finances and his ability to pay. Make sure he knows you're grateful that he's willing to contribute. And make sure he knows that you agree it's YOUR job to figure out how to bridge the gap if you want to go somewhere more expensive.</p>
<p>Showing him the list of tuition, fees, etc., is really irrelevant at this point. Until you have the financial aid offers in hand, you have NO idea what the bottom line really is for your preferred schools. Make sure he understands that! Even if the decision ultimately has to be made based on finances, this is not the time to make it.</p>
<p>My suggestion is to seek a compromise and encourage your father to allow you to consider other Florida public universities. If you want a liberal arts atmosphere, New College would fit the bill.</p>
<p>The fact that it seems that your father is willing to pay about $12 k a year for college makes places like Emerson, Syracuse out of reach. I don't see any reason to pin your dreams on colleges that your family feels are unaffordable, no matter how much $ your parents make. My own son turned down Syracuse's film school because even with merit aid it was too expensive. He went to an out of state public -- majoring in journalism -- because they gave him a virtually full ride (He had an exceptional journalism background).</p>
<p>If your father will only pay for UF, go there. It's better to go somewhere for college than to not go at all. Many people have gritted their teeth and attended the college that they could afford. It's not the kiss of death. I know someone who's now a lawyer who had gone from rural Georgia to a LAC in the middle of nowhere in Michigan because they gave her a full ride. It was close to 99% white, she was black, first gen college. She felt isolated, hated the cold, etc., but studied hard. She's now a judge with a law degree from a top law school.</p>
<p>Make lemonade from lemons. There are students posting on CC whose parents --affluent parents at that -- won't pay for any college for them. You are lucky that your father is willing to pay for college, one that is even ranked higher than the ones you're longing to attend.</p>
<p>I am going to come at this from a slightly different angle. My father asked me to do a similar thing when I wanted to go to grad school. He had an educational trust that was to apply to his children as well but said he would only give me x. In any event, and much longer story short, what he REALLY wanted was for me to verbalize and prove how much I was willing to go after something. It wasn't that he was unwilling, he only wanted me to know how much I was willing to sacrifice to do it.</p>
<p>So.. this is what I recommend: find out about ever scholarship, work study or grant/loan out there. Know concrete reasons (and it has to be more than just "fit") why you want to go to these schools. And try to make it, on paper at least, the same cost as what your instate school would be. </p>
<p>I am not saying your father is like mine was, but I am glad that my Dad made me truly assess why I wanted what I did, because it made me realize how much I was willing to work for it. In the end, I went directly to the trust and showed them my budget and what I could get from loans, grants etc. My dad said he was proud that I knew what I wanted and really went after it and because of that he was glad to help me out as well. Believe me, just because you have access to money doesn't mean that it's ever a slam dunk that it will be handed over.</p>
<p>You do know that UF has an extremely strong journalism program, and is probably far better known than is Emerson?</p>
<p>Saying this as a former journalism professor.</p>
<p>Also most students change majors at least twice in college, so unless one is rock bottom sure about a major (and "rock bottom sure" means you've already done major work in the field, not just written a few light features for a school newspaper), it's best to go to the college that offers the better options overall.</p>
<p>I hope that your preference for Emerson and Syracuse is based on having visited both.</p>
<p>I know that I romanticized my first choice school (which I had never visited prior to enrolling), and that the reality of it did not meet my dreams.</p>