<p>I am a first year student at a small college (fewer than 700 people in my class). I feel terribly lonely because I haven't made any close friends, or really anything beyond a passing acquaintance. I moved from the other side of the country to attend school here, so I don't even have local friends. I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I haven't needed to make many new friends in a long while but this is ridiculous. </p>
<p>It seems like everyone else has adjusted well, or at least has friends to hang out with, and I don't have anyone. I've seen the school psychiatrist several times now but she has not helped at all. I have heard that I'm developing a reputation on campus for being a loner, which is not accurate; I wasn't like this in high school. I've begun thinking about transferring, but I don't have the high school grades to transfer after one year to a decent school. </p>
<p>Everyone has told me to join clubs; I did not join any clubs this semester, so I was considering joining a few next semester. My problem is I don't know how I'll fit in with these people who have been working together since the beginning of the year, and honestly I feel weird about being in that dynamic. Also, people attend clubs and meetings with friends; I would be going alone. I feel terrible and like I've already wasted all this time... I'm not sure what to do but I am desperate.</p>
<p>First off, relax. Freaking out about it won’t do much. Secondly, PATIENCE. Give it time. I had a terrible freshman year and barely had anyone who I could call a “friend” (I traveled halfway across the country to a school with 41,000 undergrads; yeah, talk about a lost fish in the sea). Things got much much better the year after and even better the year after. </p>
<p>It can be very daunting and difficult to walk upto people who have already established their friend circles and “try” to be a part of it. Most times, it just doesn’t work. If you’re in a dorm/university housing, look for people who seem to be like you. If you know yourself, you know what traits to look for in others and what kinds of people you get along with. Once you find them, try your best to talk to them and get acquainted. Before you know it, you’ll “click” with them - eventually you guys will start doing things together and become great buds.</p>
<p>I’m saying this because this is usually how I meet people. I look for people who I just know I’ll get along great with and try to get to know them better. If a random dude who looks like a frat bro, is a hard partier, not super serious about school, gets laid almost every night (you get the idea) comes up to me and “tries” to be friends, I’ll talk for a while and stuff, but I won’t follow up because I just know that in the long run, it’ll lead absolutely nowhere.</p>
<p>The most important thing, though, is patience. Just know that things will get better and until then, don’t give up. Plus, transferring will probably mess up your credits etc AND doesn’t guarantee that you’ll find better friends in the new place either (people there too have established friend circles, etc).</p>
<p>Great post AxeGreat.</p>
<p>I feel the same way when i communicate with frat boys, you know, the ones who dont know their d@#$ from their pencil. They are never cereal. I mean serious. </p>
<p>But for the OP, how old are you 18? You seem a little un focused. In terms of how you are approaching this. See, for me personally, at college or in class i am all business. No flirting, well maybe some =] . Im not a playboy though. My point is, while Im at school, because i can only speak for myself, I only think about school and my studies. But you see, i live at home still and im assuming you moved across country all by youself at age 18? if thats the case then Im not sure what to tell you that AxeGreat didnt. </p>
<p>Good luck. You have this forum though were friendly, most of us =]</p>
<p>Also, i want to add that I literally, LITERALLY have NO social life. Not because my breath smells or have BO, but because I chose the “bad crowd” in HS and now, that im growing up, ive ditched those losers and have no one else. Find some hobbies, stay busy! Whatever you do, OCCUPY yourself with ANYTHING</p>
<p>People in clubs WANT new members. If they didn’t keep attracting new members the club would not exist. I felt the same way as you, and I commuted. But when I went to a club meeting everyone seemed really excited to see me there and would try to get me to talk and give my own opinions if I was being too quiet. Maybe not all clubs are like that, but if you try a bunch out you will be able to find some that are. </p>
<p>Make sure you are being approachable. That means smiling instead of looking sad, not crossing your arms all of the time to bar people off, saying hello or smiling at random people you are near in class or in the dorms, or anywhere else. People don’t want to walk up and chat with someone who looks depressed or busy. But if you open yourself up a bit more, you might attract someone.</p>
<p>I did the same exact thing my first semester last year. I was social in high school, but didn’t ever have a close group of friends. I didn’t want to form a clique and so I went into college thinking that it would be fine! However, people tended to form these groups that I didn’t form and before I knew it I didn’t have a “group”. That left me eating alone and having no one do things with on the weekends, etc…I didn’t want to join clubs right away or even halfway through the semester because I didn’t have anyone to go with and felt like it would be awkward and that I would just be sitting alone not having anyone to talk to.</p>
<p>This approach, however, is a Catch 22. This awful cycle will ultimately lead to no where and will make you feel even more alone and more isolated. Trust me. What I recommend is just owning the confidence you know you have. It may just be a little hidden right now as a result of this CRAZY transition that no one honestly prepares us for, but it’s there. Go up to people and be honest. What NovaLynnx said above, people don’t know how to approach someone who is alone or looks sad. It stinks because we wish they would. I know I wished people would come up to me and invite me to hang out with them. But this passive approach ultimately made things a lot worse for me.</p>
<p>Instead, I recommend trying to use an active approach and just do it. College is what you make of it and it takes time to adjust. I was convinced that I wanted to transfer. I was in your spot. I was separated from people before I even got to campus just by being in a long distance relationship, being a Christian on a liberal campus, and being a non-drinker. Talk about isolation! I couldn’t find anyone (or so it seemed at the time) that I could hang out with and have a normal interaction with on a Friday night. The feeling sucks, there’s no doubt about it.</p>
<p>Just have confidence in yourself and know that you’re not alone. Who knows! There could be someone who appears to be loving life in his or her group, but is actually wishing for a new friend. Take a chance because realistically that’s what is going to help. We didn’t need to do that in high school and so it’s hard to then all of a sudden be expected to change our approach to things in college without being warned. Things do get better. Even starting next semester things will be different. People’s groups of friends will change and so I suggest just diving in and don’t say no to things. Good luck!</p>