<p>Some foul the nest worse than others…it isn’t any fun.</p>
<p>Well mine is a son, not a D and he has been wonderful. really. He has a job, although he isn’t saving as much as I hoped. He was out every night with friends til I asked him to set aside one night each week for his lil sis. And he has. He went to the ball game tonight with H, not because he particularly wanted to spend time with H, but he told me he thinks Dad needs some time with him. Does he sometimes bug the heck out of me? yup, but he is a good respectful kid for the most part. Now 11yo D. yikes, I am so not looking forward to the summer before she goes off to college.</p>
<p>I agree that it must be fear on the part of the soon-to-depart-for-college kids. Doesn’t mean you have to put up with it, though. I’d advise a sit-down-and-talk, letting them know that you understand the ambivalence and trepidation, but that you do not deserve, nor will you put up with rudeness, and attitude. “Fouling the nest” is really bratty and immature behavior, which for some reason, some parents feel bound to accept.</p>
<p>The summer before my D went off to college, we talked a lot about her excitement and anxiety, as well as her Dad’s and my own. We did a lot of hugging, and shopping, and and laughing. It was a truly sweet summer. There really is no need for it to be otherwise.</p>
<p>@poetsheart, that is how it should be sweet & loving. D did say she was scared about going off to college but by constantly texting friends & going out every night won’t ease her anxiety… You all seem to be lucky your kid found a summer job…And fighting with her teen sister has escalated as well:/</p>
<p>hi chochipcookie that is my D you just quoted. I am from India and just made me laugh that all parents all over the world are having the same wonderful experience that i am .</p>
<p>“Although mine is a S…and sassiness is an understatement. He is dictating to me what he will be “available” for, afterall, it’s his last summer with his buddies!”</p>
<p>I can relate to each and every post on this thread and all i say is ‘wow’. But I agree they will all turn out to be great human beings. Because they will realise that they were allowed to be their own person at home, each one of them, and in the real world they will have to respect and share and be compassionate with their roommates and friends to begin and survive and enjoy this journey on their own as young adults.</p>
<p>Ahhh, memories of the summer of '09! There were days when I would have paid someone to take my D off my hands. This is unpleasant but normal, or at least common. You are not the only ones who are wondering where your sweet child went.</p>
<p>D is a rising junior, so I’ve had a couple of years to reflect on that tumultuous summer. Think for a minute about everything that is going on in your kid’s head right now. The poignant, perhaps emotional, end of high school. Friends who have been bid farewell, or soon will be. Excitement about the coming year, but also doubts and fears: Will I cut it academically? Will I find friends? Will I be able to handle problems which Mom & Dad used to help me with? Will I be homesick? There are decisions to be made about classes to register for, about what to take (a big big deal for girls). There is shopping to be done and lists to be made. And they are in a sort of limbo; these kids define themselves as students, and right now they are not students.</p>
<p>Then take a look at what’s going on in your head. Relief that, after years of effort, your child has landed a spot at a great college. Your own emotional reaction to the end of the high school era. Pride in the wonderful young man or woman you’ve raised. Fear about… well, everything: their safety, their success, their choices, their friends. The stress of preparing: shopping, transportation, packing. The knowledge that you won’t be there to guide, or probably even know about, their daily actions and decisions. Wondering about, and fearing, the quiet house. And you’re in limbo too: For 18 years, you’ve been the resident Mom/Dad of a child; in a few short weeks, you’ll be the far-away Mom/Dad of an adult.</p>
<p>Given all of that, is it any wonder you’re all going a little crazy? It is a huge transition, uncharted territory for all of you; and excitement and nerves are running high on both sides. When I was in your spot, I posted here about that summer being a “witches brew of emotions.” </p>
<p>Your sweet child will return – but changed. As early as Thanksgiving break, you’ll begin to see new maturity and independence. More and more, you’ll be able to have truly adult conversations with them, to share in the new things they’re doing and learning. They will at last begin to listen to your sage advice with attention and respect, maybe even volunteer to do a chore. Step by step you’ll let go (just last week I was actually able to sleep at night while my D was on her first long-distance road trip) and even begin to enjoy a new, more peaceful phase of your relationship.</p>
<p>Hang in there! This too shall pass. :)</p>
<p>Great post, LasMa. Perspective is a powerful tool. Thanks.</p>
<p>I love him, I’m crazy about him - but I can’t wait until this summer comes to its natural end. He argues with EVERY thing I say, he hurts my feelings, he monopolizes my computer. Moments of his sweet side shine through at times, but generally, he’s keeping us at a distance. The only good thing I can say is that I didn’t particularly have any visualization about what this summer would be like, so I’m not devastated in that regard. He just needs to be on his own.</p>
<p>Is there a serious injury you can get from too much eye rolling? If there is, my D is in grave danger.</p>
<p>We haven’t had TOO much trouble. She’s got an extremely demanding job so we don’t see her all that much. Unfortunately when we do see her it seems that I have to bring up touchy subjects that tend to inflame matters.</p>
<p>Glad I’m not the only parent who suddenly turned stupid and annoying this summer.</p>
<p>As soon as S graduated from HS, he took a summer job half-way across the country. This is his third year working there. Rarely seeing the kids does wonders for the relationship :)</p>
<p>I remember last summer. I wanted it to be a special time with my older D since she was leaving in August to start her college experience. Instead, it was one long summer of arrogant behavior towards me. The guidance counselor at the school where I teach told me it is the student’s way of preparing to leave. She actually did research on it.</p>
<p>I have to believe her, because a few months later we were her best friends, and now, she is constantly coming to us for advice or as a sounding board. I’m loving it.</p>
<p>We’re not seeing too much at our house this time. #2 - is an easy-going guy, but I’m waiting for a change. His older sister, however, was snippy with us, and I know that I was short with her. Change has never been easy for her (or me)! I had to keep reminding myself that her behavior is caused by anxiety, and that she behaved that way with us because she knew that we will always love her. Children who are not confident in their parents’ love cannot risk losing whatever they have by annoying their parents. This too shall pass.</p>
<p>Problem is, we see it as a last summer before our chick flies the nest and is on their own, they see it as the time they have to wait until they are free <em>smile</em>. They have finished high school, gotten through the application process, waited, now everything is waiting to go…but they have to wait. So while we are trying to draw them close, which they see as ‘not letting them be free’, they are trying to break away, which they do being snarky, being embarassed, you name it (I remember those days well with myself:). </p>
<p>The other thing to realize is that despite all the bravado, all the “I am grown up, stop babying me” they are deep down scared, they are anticipating being on their own but also dreading it because now for the first time, they are really on their own, and I suspect the ill behavior is covering for more then a bit of insecurity…</p>
<p>Well hi Anialways, all the way in India, wow! :)</p>
<p>Yeah, by the sounds of other posters on this thread, we are all in the same boat. Will your D be studying in India or over here?</p>
<p>There are some days my S acts more civilized than on other days. I have to balance us getting things done here at home with his needing to “hang” out with his friends each and every day. Lucky for me my S2 will be gone for several weeks, unlucky for my S1, who will have my full attention, yay!</p>
<p>I’ll give him that balance he needs as long as we are making progress. Funny how he HATES clothes shopping, but every time he goes out, he thanks me for insisting I buy him stuff! :)</p>
<p>Deega: That is so funny! Parents are annoying & stupid until they want something!
La Masa: Great post.</p>
<p>Hi chocchipcookie </p>
<p>this thread is so interesting, for a change we all have somebody to share our feelings with,without the fear of being judged on our parental capabilities hah so liberating…</p>
<p>My D is going go Stern,NYU class of 2015 this fall.</p>
<p>Wow, it’s good to know people are going thru similiar experiences! Now that graduation is over, company is gone, I am wondering what Son 2 is going to do until mid Sept. He has no job. I don’t want to see him sitting around, staying up all night, going out all the time. And the attitude? Boy has that changed. Hardly any of his friends have jobs either. They are all good kids though. I will look on the bright side and be grateful they are good students, good people, don’t drink and all going to college.</p>
<p>Good for her! ^^</p>
<p>My S1 did a summer program at NYU a few summers ago and decided the college was too much in the city for him. He wanted a green campus near a major city, so will be at Tufts right near Boston.</p>
<p>Maybe he’ll end up at NYU for grad school…you just never know! :)</p>
<p>Good luck to you and all parents getting through the next several weeks!</p>
<p>"Rarely seeing the kids does wonders for the relationship "</p>
<p>^This.</p>
<p>I’m glad for this thread. I thought it was me. D is home, no job, wants to hang out with her friends; needs $ to do so; feels entitled to get $ and do nothing at home. Nothing. </p>
<p>Sleeps late, her room is a mess, she’s mouthy to me and H, and generally unpleasant. But this is how she’s been, on and off, since 9th grade. Sometimes there are sweet moments, but they’re rare. I know I’ll miss her, but I’ll miss the sweet version of her, which I have experienced about 30% of the time I have with her. </p>
<p>I remember how I felt, this summer before college. I was stressed about being able to handle new people, living on my own, the whole college thing, so I get it, but I am tired of being the recipient of the snotty behavior. Last night, she got home at 3. Her phone died, so I couldn’t reach her, which only added to my anxiety. When she finally called on a friend’s phone (after I texted said friend), she was ****ed. “You don’t have to wait up for me!!!” Yes I do. It’s just rude and inconsiderate to not tell me where she is and not be home at a reasonable hour. </p>
<p>How did we raise such “Royal Children”? </p>
<p>38 days…</p>
<p>Classof2015, I hear that. D1 just can’t seem to grasp that I am going to wait up. Geez, mom, just go to sleep, she says. So I have cursed her (wait until you have teens!). Fortunately for me, getting up for work gets her home well before 3 (3! OMG, you must’ve been ready to kill her.)</p>