<p>So, my daughter is completely unexcited about any of the 5 (out of 6) schools she got into. She wasn't excited about the one she got rejected from either. I suspect this might change when we visit them, but has anyone else here seen this?</p>
<p>Her whole life is about to change. Her reaction to that may be more thoughtful or even regretful than excited. </p>
<p>But this doesn't mean that she can't make a well-informed decision, especially if she can visit a few of the places that she is most likely to say yes to.</p>
<p>I agree that this is not necessarily a reason to worry. There is a lot of pressure to be "excited" at this time. But the kids don't have to react that way.</p>
<p>From the time he was 5 or 6 years old, people have been asking my son (as they have been asking pretty much every kid), "So, are you excited about kingergarten/1st grade/middle school/high school?" Uh, no. My kid had the gift of living in his current moment, not living in anticipation of the next new thing. It's actually a gift that probably all children have, but we begin to knock out of them at an early age. </p>
<p>And, as Marian is alluding, bound up with the newness of the next step is some apprehension (spoken or not) about the unknown and leaving behind what they now have. Normal.</p>
<p>So, if she wants to go to college, has chosen the schools herself, and will choose one at the right time (by the deadline) without being pushed, I think all is fine. If not, well then, there might be some thinking and talking to be done, in case she is not ready to do this yet. But I doubt that is the problem.</p>
<p>Was she excited about applying to these schools? It may be that the stress and waiting for the notices has made her a little numb and hopefully this will pass with a little time. I know that my S has recently been feeling the same way, he has several acceptances from schools he wanted to go to when he applied and now is feeling a bit non-committal to any of them. Before it was a dream and exciting, now it is a potentially life changing decision. The "what if" questions keep coming up. I am just being the comforting parent and being supportive of his not wanting to decide phase. The only advice I have given him is if he absolutely does not want to go to a school, then to let them know as sure as he is certain so that others on the waiting list can have a choice.</p>
<p>Mine wasn't very excited either. They've been living with the stress for so long, and it's been the focus of so much of their lives for at least a year, that the actual results seemed almost anti-climactic. And it wasn't "real" yet.</p>
<p>She became excited when she visited her three top choices, and made her choice. Then it became real, and was something to look forward to. (And to worry about.)</p>
<p>Oh, and she's very happy to be where she is - now she's busy planning her study abroad, even though that won't happen for another year, too!</p>
<p>My D was not especially excited, even about her favorite which she knew we couldn't afford. Visits to the top other 2 did get her more excited, and she's fine now (freshman). I think the reason she wasn't excited was because she knew she'd be leaving her boyfriend up here...and relative proximity may have affected her final choice, which fortunately has worked out well. Could there be a reason, like leaving friends, that might be contributing?</p>
<p>Come to think of it, she was really excited when she got into her top choice, ecstatic even. Then the other acceptances started to come in and I think she realized that she had other choices to explore. That's when she stopped being excited.</p>
<p>Some kids also are very happy in the here and now, which is wonderful. My daughter can't imagine being without her high school friends.</p>
<p>Some people have a very even temperament and are very open to all kinds of possibilities, and I think that they have an advantage over those of us who have ups and downs that depend on one's luck of the day.</p>
<p>Sounds like she does have a lot on her plate right now. Big decisions to make. Is her nature generally to be more quiet and introspective when the stress is on? My son doesn't get too excited about anything, which is part of his style,but boy is that frustrating for a parent who likes to see things clearly. Good luck to all of you.</p>
<p>A friend told me that with her older daughter, a sleepover in the dorm is very likely to make a HS student like that particular college. This was also true for my my daughter - she could really picture herself going to school at the college where she stayed in the dorm. Can you arrange for overnight visits at a few of the top candidates?</p>
<p>This sounds alot like what is going on around here....my D1 is so nonchalant about all of this, it's scary except for one thing.....she is the queen of indecision and we think that is scaring the daylights out of her....She has been accepted to one of her top choices and (from what I am told by her friends) was actually crying when she found out.....
yet, the comment she made to me the other day was "ugh, it would be sooo much easier if I am rejected from my other top choices....I don't really want to have to make a decision...."</p>
<p>At first read, I thought she just might be like my son and husband. Neither one is a "cartwheel in the living room" kind of person. They can be pleased with a situation, but you will not see ecstatic and highly energetic reactions. It's just how they are.</p>
<p>But, you say that she was excited when the top choice came through. (Relieved, too, probably.) So, here's my alternate thought: Now that more choices are lining up, could it be that she realizes that the work and the stress are not over yet? There is a lot of pressure to get this "right," now matter how much we try to reassure them that there is no, single 'right" answer.</p>
<p>Rodney, your daughter sounds so much like ours! One of her top choices accepted her and I think she will go there, but she also has acceptances at 3other top choices....I actually think visiting the other 3 will add to her confusion and indecision. At what point do parents leave well enough alone, or should we encourage her to revisit the top picks?</p>
<p>^^^Depends, I think on her comfort level. If she will doubt herself unless she she visits the others, the visits are probably a good idea if you can swing it. If she settles on one choice (that she has already visited) and you agree that it's a good choice, then, yeeha! you're done.</p>
<p>wedgedrive: we are letting her lead the decision making process...In reality, ANY of her acceptances will provide her with an amazing experience (that is how we made her list in the first place).....If she asks for our opinion, we will provide it minimally, but in the end, yes, she will have to deal with the "confusion and indecision".......If she decides not to re-visit those schools, it will be her choice, not ours.....so I guess in response to your question, if it comes to pass (we are still waiting on 4), we will leave well enough alone or agree to revisit the top picks if she wants to.....</p>
<p>To her father and I, though, we are a little sad that she is not showing us any excitement or happiness....it's actually a little surreal around here....</p>
<p>My DD1 has received acceptances well beyond our expectations but she is subdued. Still waiting on two tomorrow, weighing her choices, trying to think through her life goals and how college will figure into them. Also, she is very conscious of the big disappointments many of her friends are working through right now. So our house is not as happy as I would have imagined. Of course, there's also the looming reality that she'll be leaving us in just 5 or 6 months. Bittersweet is the best word to describe this. Also, the enormous work and sacrifice that went into these acceptances is on all of our minds. I keep looking at my second daughter and asking myself if I want to watch another of my children do the things it takes for these super selective admissions.</p>
<p>At this time last year and throughout the summer, S was not excited about college at all. When we started questioning him about it, he noted that he couldn't get excited, because he didn't KNOW what it would be like, and was actually pretty apprehensive about all of the unknown factors. (He wasn't able to do a visit or overnight when school was in session)</p>
<p>All was well, once the orientation activities started.</p>
<p>mammall, excellent point. I had forgotten that one of the reasons for the lack of all-out joy in our house was that others did not have the kinds of choices that DS had. Another was that he had a big decison to make, and the fact that he was very fortunate to have those choices did not make the decision any easier. Also, there was the reality of what it would mean to head so far from all his friends.</p>
<p>Sometimes that feeling of excitement; especially with the first acceptance; is because of our desire to feel wanted. Well, a school said they wanted her. That is exciting. Now that the others have come in and it's not unique and special any longer, the excitement starts to go away. But, based on the tone of your first post, I am compelled to ask;</p>
<p>Are these 6 or so schools that she applied to, schools that she's been dreaming of going to? Or, are they schools that other people have rationalized with her to accept for other reasons, such as cost, location, distance from home, etc....? In other words, have you asked her where she REALLY WANTED TO GO? </p>
<p>Assuming they are indeed the schools she wants; then the problem could simply be anxiety, stress, reality, etc.... In other words, she is scared out of her mind. She is seeing a new world approaching that she doesn't have a lot of control over. There were probably similar feelings going from elementary to Jr. High and from Jr. High to High school. The difference there was that she was a lot younger and didn't think as deep about it. Plus, she had a lot of others, friends and non friends, who were going through the same personal changes. </p>
<p>When you are attend collage, you are on your own. State "U" isn't so bad. Many of your high school friends will be there together. You will have a sense of normalcy. Applying to another school pretty much puts you totally on your own. When my daughter graduated high school and starting applying to schools around the country, she was so excited. So was I. But as the time came closer to making a decision, I could see the stress. While I knew that her moving away and going to school would be a great thing, I could see it in her eyes as well as her mom's. I knew she wasn't going to leave. I kept my mouth shut. I let her give every excuse in the world about the expense, living too far, which school had the right majors, friends, the fact that she was tired of moving so much (military family), etc.... I kept my mouth shut and she chose state "U". She is very happy. Finishing up her junior year. Excellent grades. Social leader. etc... She had been accepted so some of the best schools in the country. She had the grades, EC, recommendations, etc... But for her, I had to LISTEN TO HER and see what SHE WANTED.</p>
<p>My son on the other hand was exactly the opposite. He's 3 years younger. Last year, beginning of his junior year of high school, he pulled out a map and tried to figure out which college was farthest from home. LOL!!! His grades were better than his sister; as were SAT/ACT. (Couldn't get much better). He had a lot of schools showing interest. He applied to 7 schools. All for different reasons. He got accepted to all 7 schools. When all was said and done, the school my son chose was the 2nd closest of the 7 schools. LOL!!!. (Just coincidence). My son wasn't affect by going off on his own.</p>
<p>The point is; there's a lot of reasons for a senior to start showing a lack of interest and excitement. But usually, it's either a) They really didn't want to go to this school. Either it wasn't on their short list and it's a safety school'; or it wasn't really on their INTERNAL list at all and it's something their parents, friends, teachers, gc, etc... recommended. or b) Reality is kicking in and they are scared. They deep down inside want to stay mommy and daddy's little baby and are scared. If the school has little chance of any of their friends being there, it's makes it that much harder. A friend of ours' daughter went to a private college 2 years ago. None of her friends went there. But it just so happens that THE 1 GIRL in highs school who would BULLY her, got accepted to this same school. My friend's daughter was totally freaked out. Long story short; within about 3 weeks, these two girls started to become friends. 2 years later, they are very close friends. These 2 girls were the ONLY thing each other had to make themselves feel "Normal" or "Familiar". They didn't have to ever see each other, but when they did, they instantly became attracted. Before long, they were hanging out with each other. Each has a lot of new friends and separate groups and classes, but they provided each other a sense of home, familiarity, normalcy, etc... They've come to rely on each other when they get stressed out. Going off to college is very stressful. Talk to your daughter and find out what she feels about college and what she wants.</p>