<p>Be ready for a deferral or rejection and be ready to support your child and help her or him to get through it. It's hard enough to deal with shocking, public disappointment at 17 or 18; it's much worse also to have to shoulder a parent's disappointment. Without wanting to be trite, it is a learning experience. Facing disappointment, picking oneself up, and working through to a positive outcome are vital life lessons.</p>
<p>Thanks for all of the advice, sadly at my house today, we experienced my biggest concern 1 in and 1 deferred. Crushing blow to the deferree as really sometimes these things can go either way and it really depended on what they wanted as to whom they may choose if either, S2 is the one who has had the most obsticals so telling him to pull up his bootstraps is something he's done a million times before. Ohhh and I'm just...sad because we couldn't celebrate the way we would have wanted to for S1, and sad because S2 is well 2nd fiddle again. Anyhow- I sent S1 out to dinner with dad, so he could celebrate and S2 could vent and fall apart. I guess I had to let go of the dream of having an enjoyable last holiday- I'm so glad I bought them XBOX for Christmas- after all this they deserve to lose a few brain cells. Poor S1 girlfriend was also deferred from the same school so he really can't celebrate anywhere at least for a few days. I guess it will keep him humble and S2 working hard. Everyone has to finish finals this week. Sometimes these "pains" only other moms can understand :(</p>
<p>2by2--I am so sad for you. I know your S's will be fine in the very end but also know that you will lose a lot in the process. You did a good job by having them seperate for the evening. I do not have twins but can imagine this pain. Thinking of you..</p>
<p>Thanks oregon101, I should have said "only parents" can understand, as eadad lightened my load for me as well. Sometimes- it just feels good to have someone say "ouch" with you!!</p>
<p>I am sorry 2by2. That sounds like quite a conflict. I doubt I could manage it. </p>
<p>We have a deferral in our house. Student is taking it ok. But, it is hard, especially to watch the kids in the school with the toughest schedules (and lower grades because certain teachers just do not give out the A in certain APclasses) getting deferred while others, whose classes are known to the school to be easy getting acceptances. I wish the school had addressed that in the letters they send, because it makes it appear that the grade in APEuro means less than the grade in SeniorHonors Euro, when ANY student in the former could secure an A in the later without trying. And, to me as a parent, I feel late to the truth - maybe, just maybe, I should have pushed my child into the later path because the school just is not making it clear that the classes are dramatically different. With one very deserved exception, all the kids in the most rigourous track have had bad news, while those who opted out and took a slightly easier track have had positive outcomes, some surprizingly positive. </p>
<p>Grrr.</p>
<p>anothermom3- don't doubt yourself (easier said than done, I know) but we do what we can with the information we have at the time and the fact is that your kid will be better off (though be it intellectually) by having the more difficult class. I reminded my son who was complaining last night about all he has done for nothing...that he didn't take any of his classes so they would "look better" he took the ones he either "should" because they were the obvious next step, or because he loved the teacher or the material. He growled- but I know he knows it's true. Good Luck and I hope some cheery news comes to brighten your way! SOON!!</p>
<p>Thanks 2by2. It helps me that my child really believes he took the classes to learn, not for the grades, and he means it. It is my second guessing, not his. He has learned, he's been happy in class. </p>
<p>Thanks, and here's to hoping your 2 get the news they wish for. </p>
<p>And, here's to hoping that the new year is full of good news.</p>
<p>It is easier to do all of the apps the same time as the early ones, or at least get a good start on them. That way, all you have to do is send out the regular apps. You can also tweek the apps for things that may have occurred between the time you started the apps and now. Maybe the school that deferred you can give you some indications on what you can improve. It may be a time to rethink your school list, and perhaps add some other schools. </p>
<p>IF you have to start back at square one with the early deferral or rejection in hand, it can be a pretty bad holiday season.</p>
<p>Well, the saving grace in our house is that we're done with all but one, possibly two applications. The third is a common application - and that just needs click and send. The first two - well, both are long shots, and I think only one will end up filed, but that's ok.</p>
<p>2x2, I feel your pain, though 2 years apart. S1 got in ED to his dream school 2 years ago, slam dunk. S2 was deferred this week to his dream school, and it included an instrument audition. Not only does he (again) feel like things are always harder for him than S1; he also feels as though his heart has been ripped out, because it's hard to separate his passion for his music from his soul. HOWEVER, given the bloodbath I've been hearing about with so many ED kids getting rejected, I'm actually feeling better today about the deferral. The same, however, is not exactly true yet of S2....two of whose best friends got in their dream schools ED yesterday... I am foolishly optimistic....and trying, trying, trying to remain so.</p>
<p>2x2, get your PR wheels rolling after the first of the year--have deferred boy show his passion and updates he has to the school. I'll keep my fingers and other appendages crossed for him!</p>
<p>Oh thank you SJTH, you know it's not just that they "think" things are harder for them..it's that they REALLY ARE and there isn't any denying it. However, we all bounced back and when S1 was complaining S2 was able to make a joke- which made me think all will be okay. We did get right on a few emails today for other schools (all but 1 application had been sent anyhow) but all will need updates. It does make as doubt his application but at the same time only 10 kids were selected from our state so we'll hold out that he still has strong possibilities there and elsewhere. </p>
<p>I'm so sorry for your S2, it is so hard for them to have to face disappointment when there friends (or brothers) are celebrating. I really think one of the tough things is just that there is no relief of that stress or cloud that they carry over there head till this is all put to rest. Yet I don't want to wish it away as the days are so short anyhow. I'll remain hopelessly optimistic with you- for all of the kids- and their moms and dads!! </p>
<p>Thanks so much for your post- all of my friends kids got into their schools so it's feeling a little lonely here too. :)</p>
<p>4 years later....</p>
<p>My son was deferred ED. He had no time to get his applications (most of which were due on Jan 1) done so we decided on plan B for our vacation that year. </p>
<p>Plan A would have been a trip to Phuket....the week between Christmas and New Year.</p>
<p>Plan B was the same trip a week later (but dad had to leave earlier).</p>
<p>Plan B meant we were not in Phuket for the tsunami......</p>
<p>My son wrote some interesting supplements to his applications related to political will and choice referenced to the tsunami warning systems. </p>
<p>He was later accepted to the school he was deferred from (and will graduate in May) as well as 5 other schools.</p>
<p>^Great story!</p>
<p>Great story. Everything does happen for a reason !</p>